My anxiety is being triggered

[Catkins]

That's actually a good sign Catkins ��

😁

[pulisa]

Good that they are looking out for you at work and that you are aware of needing to take on responsibility for everyone and everything. It'll be hard to pause and take a step back but much better for you in the long run.

I'm sure that you will sleep much better tonight. Well done on getting through a busy day!

[Catkins]

Thank you

[Catkins]

Oh bloody hell!! I've just had to contact 3 of my private clients again. 2 hadn't got the message saying that I was stopping working and one wanted a phone number of someone else to do it as they took the number down wrong. One of them was ringing because I was due to see them at 9 and hadn't turned up. Fortunately I had their mobile so I could just text them. One I left a message for. The other I actually had to speak to and she was complaining about the price one of the numbers I gave her.

It saddens me deeply all of this. I feel anxious that I have to deal with it and very sad because I feel like I'm letting people down. Also a bit upset because I thought this was behind me and I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

Also this morning my husband has gone off for an appointment with Cardiology at the main local hospital. I really don't know why he's gone. As far as I knew there was no problem with his heart. I think he might have been referred by his Respiratory consultant for his sarcoidosis. What for though??

Not a good day so far, but it is only 9.44am so hoping things will improve.

[Catkins]

And so far they have improved. Did some housework, took the dog for a walk and visited mum's grave. Sat about a bit, then cooked a Hello Fresh meal (free promotional thing).

It's good to know even if the day starts shitty things can improve.

[Catkins]

Husband got the results back of the scan he had on Tuesday. Sigmoid diverticulitis - when his back was bad he was taking ibuprofen/naproxen a lot, it seems that irritated his insides and caused the pain.

It's kind of a two edged sword for me, firstly it's good to know what the problem was/is, but, there's a chance that he will feel totally justified in his reaction to being ill and the amount of money he spent on private tests.

I'm going to try to put it to one side for the moment and hope that him seeing a counsellor will help him deal with the anxiety surrounding his health.

[pulisa]

If he was downing copious anti inflammatories without PPI protection then that's the reason. Why didn't his GP advise on this? He wouldn't have had this issue if he had been prescribed PPIs alongside naproxen.

[Catkins]

The thing is he was, he's had to take PPI's for years as he has a hiatus hernia and reflux. At one point though I said he should up his dose of PPI's to 30mg from 15mg because of the painkillers. He didn't want to because he had read a lot on the internet about PPI's and the damage they cause to natural bacteria in the gut (he is prescribed 30mg per day, but he reduced it himself to 15mg). He has taken anti-inflammatories almost daily for almost 2 years. He is his own worst enemy.

[pulisa]

Oh goodness...Maybe this will be a wake up call for him? I know long term PPI use isn't recommended in the UK but the anti inflammatory issue can't be continued now? I presume his GP didn't know?

[Catkins]

To be honest he's been on PPI's maybe 12 years and I've been on them 14 years (I have a hiatus hernia too).

Since his pulmonary sarcoidosis diagnosis he's taken the anti-inflammatories, his primary treatment for it was high doses of steroids and once that was completed he turned more to ibuprofen. Although in the last 18 months he has ordered steroids and two courses of antibiotics from the internet without his doctors knowledge. He believed at various times that an infection caused his sarcoidosis, hence the antibiotics.

He was prescribed naproxen by A&E around the time that he was kicked out of his GP practice, so I think that things may have got missed. This was because he presented initially with a bad back. But then he started getting pains his stomach.

Thankfully he has been honest now with his new GP, he has admitted taking non-prescription antibiotics and steroids.

I have said to him about stopping taking ibuprofen, his answer was 'but it's the only thing that helps with my back pain'.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a hiding to nowhere regards his health. The only positive to come out of recent events is that his heart, gallbladder, prostate, kidney,, bladder, spine, intestines, blood, poo, lungs and probably other stuff has been thoroughly checked out over the past couple of months. Yes we know he has a granuloma in his lung, but his sarcoidosis is in remission. Yes he's got diverticulitis, but that can be controlled.

I'm hoping with the counselling he will be able to manage his anxiety better, not automatically think he has cancer and prevent him spending a lot of money on tests the next time he believes there's something wrong.

I live in hope.