My anxiety is being triggered

[pulisa]

If his tests come back negative then I think you need to have a talk with him about facing up to the possibility of HA and how he is using you for reassurance seeking and attention and that this is not acceptable. It is so draining for you.

[Pamplemousse]

Wot Pulisa said.

[Catkins]

One of his poo tests have come back negative. The one for blood I think. He is completely convinced that he has IBS now.

I have told him already that he needs some counselling for his anxiety, even though he won't admit he has health anxiety, he will admit he has anxiet.

He came out to talk today. When he first arrived I was very anxious even with taking a tablet. But talking to him, he makes complete sense. I'm feeling very confused. I want to go home and I want to be normal. But both my sister and step dad think I shouldn't because I won't feel better if I do. I'm also feeling paranoid that a friend hasn't replied to a message I sent because she doesn't approve either.

I feel like I'm completely losing my grip on reality at the moment.

[Catkins]

Well I came back home this morning after a very emotional few days.

The thing I learnt from this is wherever you go you take your brain with you. So for all the ups and downs of me trying to make things better for myself. None of then really worked.

Well I say that but my husband has agreed to go for counselling, so that's a positive.

[Catkins]

There is a problem with being at home. My dinner hasn't been made for me. I'm actually hungry. But there is nothing in the house I want to eat. Slight problem though is that I don't know if I'm brave enough to go and get some shopping.

[Catkins]

Went and got a few bits including a logic puzzle book.

I used to find these easy. Unfortunately it appears nor so much now.

[Catkins]

Feeling very low. My son messaged me (which was lovely) to see how I was doing.

Feel awful that my lovely son has to ask about me.

[Catkins]

And I'm awake. Having a panic attack.

Thinking that I'm never going to feel better. That I made a terrible mistake coming home.

Has anything changed since yesterday to make me feel like that, no. So why am I thinking like that? It's completely ridiculous.

I guess it's just the anxiety talking.

[Catkins]

Ok did a guided meditation thing but didn't manage to get back to sleep. Kind of tossed and turned for a couple of hours, had a look in here and FB. Then about 8.15 my husband came up and woke got me up.

Came downstairs and taken my tablets plus an anxiety tablet (promethazine). I am going to take them every morning until I start to feel better.

Husband said he didn't have a bad night but then lay on the sofa and has now gone back to bed. Trying not to see anything in it as my anxiety head normally does. I just know this is all very tough on him as well as me.

Trying hard not to let the anxiety run wild and trying to not dwell on the negative thoughts that are trying to sneak into my head.

This is bloody hard!!

[Catkins]

Ok done 5 deep breaths on Headspace and my 54321 exercise.