My anxiety is being triggered

[Catkins]

Feeling particularly anxious this morning. Had a few dark moments of 'oh my God, never going to get better', which only make the anxiety worse, but are very very hard to ignore. Haven't taken an anxiety tablet yet but know I've got it there should I want to.

Strangely wasn't too bad first thing, it was after I'd walked the dog and came back in. Decided to have a decaf coffee with my breakfast.and thought I'd make my husband a normal one too. Pre relapse, every morning when I got my breakfast I'd make him a coffee when I made mine. I know I'm standing firm on him doing things for himself, but surely I can't be concerned that I'm giving way because I made him a coffee? Maybe I am? This is so difficult.

[BlueIris]

There's nothing wrong with making a coffee for somebody you live with; it's pretty much baseline civility, not a sign of weakness.

[Catkins]

I know. I just think that the way my mind is working at the moment is completely illogical. The first thing I would do to a stranger or anyone who came round would be to offer them a coffee/drink. I'm doing the washing as normal, his included, I guess I just need to accept that some days are going to be like this, which is totally normal under the circumstances and give myself a break. Just because I'm feeling anxious right now, doesn't mean that it's going to be all day and doesn't mean there is something wrong with my little world. Acceptance is bloody hard though.

Plus maybe I shouldn't have had a coffee myself even though it was decaf as there's still a bit of caffeine in there. Such a shame as I do love coffee.

[BlueIris]

Decaf should be okay; it's probably just your anxiety making everything worse. I'm sensitive to caffeine myself, and believe me, I feel your pain when it comes to those days you know you just need to steer clear.

You sound like such a nice person, you deserve kindness.

[Catkins]

Yes, think it's maybe just one of those days.

Thank you for saying I sound like a nice person. I don't think I am to be honest, but I think (or hope) it's a self esteem issue and that I'm not horrible.

[BlueIris]

You really don't sound horrible to me, just sad and stressed out.

PM me any time you want to talk, okay?

[Catkins]

Thank you xx

[Catkins]

Well after hesitating all morning, I took the pill. I didn't take one on Saturday and was OK. But today I think I need it.

Must remember to take it if I think I need it. I'm not superwoman.

[pulisa]

Feeling particularly anxious this morning. Had a few dark moments of 'oh my God, never going to get better', which only make the anxiety worse, but are very very hard to ignore. Haven't taken an anxiety tablet yet but know I've got it there should I want to.

Strangely wasn't too bad first thing, it was after I'd walked the dog and came back in. Decided to have a decaf coffee with my breakfast.and thought I'd make my husband a normal one too. Pre relapse, every morning when I got my breakfast I'd make him a coffee when I made mine. I know I'm standing firm on him doing things for himself, but surely I can't be concerned that I'm giving way because I made him a coffee? Maybe I am? This is so difficult.

I don't blame you for resenting feeling compelled to make him a coffee. You're angry with him, I suspect?

[Catkins]

I don't blame you for resenting feeling compelled to make him a coffee. You're angry with him, I suspect?

Yes, in a way I am. But, I must admit that over the last couple of years I've made a rod for my own back. I have spent so much time running around after him because of his sarcoidosis and then the pandemic, then the most recent illness, I have completely enabled him to be how his. I guess I am just a little terrified of setting in place the same old patterns which will make feel the same as I have over the last month.

He's not my child, he's a full grown adult.

I am actually quite cross with myself too.