My anxiety is being triggered

[Catkins]

Well I'm not sure exactly why, but I've been awake every couple of hours. I've got things worrying me. But not to the extent that it should be keeping me awake.

I took half a propanolol at about 2 this morning. I think it's helped a bit, but I was still waking up absolutely soaking wet.

It's very upsetting and incredibly disappointing. I've been doing everything I can to stay on the right track, so I can't justify why this is happening. I was feeling a lot better and only had a couple of wobbles but got through them.

I bloody hate anxiety.it just doesn't make sense. I'm going to go back to bed in a monitor and try and get some more sleep.

[Catkins]

Didn't get any more sleep.

It's the holiday, I'm afraid of going on holiday, I'm afraid of letting my son and my husband down.

No amount of fancy words or techniques seem to be helping. I'm just afraid the same will happen as when I went to London.

[pulisa]

It always happens when we make plans when feeling upbeat and then have time to think "What the hell have I let myself in for?"/ "Will I be able to cope?"..and so it goes on.

Cut the fancy words and techniques..Don't overthink this holiday or it won't be a holiday. Take it slowly and try and put it out of your mind before it blights the next few weeks? It's meant to be a good time and you will be in control over where you stay and what you do. Limit yourself to making a rough plan in your head and then leave it be? It's your husband and son. You'll be safe with them.

[Catkins]

You are very right.

I'm going to start taking the beta blockers at night again and promethazine in the morning again.

The attic room is carpeted now, I'll think about going up there again do I don't disturb my husband. It usually takes a few days/week to get back on an even keele sleepwise and I don't want to disturb my husband.

Sodding anxiety! It's exactly as you say, was feeling OK, thought it would be a lovely idea and then whap! Anxiety bites me on the arse. Boy do I hate it.

[Carnation]

Catkins, we do tend to put too much pressure on ourselves and worry about reoccurring experiences of anxiety and how we will be with an event coming up. We also worry about other people and how we are perceived.
You've just basically got to go for it and just be!
It's your husband and your son, your family! Not a bunch of strangers. If you have an off moment, so be it, you'll deal with it, but you may be pleasantly surprised that you might actually feel ok and enjoy your time.
Norfolk is a very chilling area and the people are very friendly. Go with the flow, have some Apps ready for those possible anx moments, do your yoga in the fresh air amongst the natural environment and just be. You might even find you sleep well when you are away.

[Catkins]

You're right as well Carnation. My anxiety brain, latches on very easily to things still. Fortunately with the majority of day to day stuff I'm doing OK at the moment. Not completely relaxed with it, still having anxious moments, but I guess with something out of my comfort zone it's a little harder.

Going to go back to basics and try not to put pressure on myself. It's just so hard. I will try hard not to dwell on it. It's just when I have a couple of bad nights sleep and my mind is racing it makes it so hard.

I will try not to moan on here too much too, I know it just makes me more inside my own head.

[Catkins]

Also please if anyone notices me ruminating too much and spiralling please point it out to me.

I know I have a tendency to do it so tell me to stop.

Also another confession, early this morning I was in such a state I emailed The Samaritans. It sometimes helps to write it down and send it somewhere. I've done it once before when I was particularly struggling.

[Carnation]

You are not moaning or spiralling catkins. You are expressing your feelings and that's a good thing.
Bottling up does no one any good, it just festers like a boiling kettle. We all put pressure on ourselves at times and we need to just float through life more. x

[Catkins]

Thank you xx

[Catkins]

Slept a little better last night, had about 6 hours.

Little worried about tiredness at work which is making me anxious so I've taken 1/2 promethazine. Taking some to work with me too, just in case.