He makes me worse.

[mayson76]

Hi Everyone,

I don't know if any of you can relate to the problem that I have, but I feel as though I need to get things off my chest, and this is the best place for me to do it.

I have been suffering with this anxiety/panic since 2003, and there have been times when I feel better, but it always comes back. God I hate it.

The thing is, I am sure that the relationship I am in does'nt help matters, I have been with my partner for nearly 11 years now, we have 2 daughters age 9 and 7.

My partner is not supportive whatsoever, I constantly feel as though I am walking on eggshells, which does'nt help my nerves one bit.

I feel on edge when he is in the house, and on edge when he is out. I have tried to talk to him about how I feel but he is'nt interested.

At this moment in time he is out somewhere, and has been since 4 o clock this afternoon, he said he was going out for a few pints and would be back at 8. I have got a cold, and feel rotten , but i can't go to bed as he has'nt taken his key. If i do go to bed he will bang at the door, and if I don't answer within a few seconds he will start shouting and bawling.

When I have good days, I like to go out with my mum or sister, just for a walk around the town, or go for a coffee or something to eat somewhere, but when I do this he calls me "Miss Independant", and says that I am lying about my anxiety.

When I have bad days , and don't feel like doing anything, he calls me lazy.

When I went on my meds, he said that I was like a zombie.

And when I have tried to come off them he will be horrible, as if he is trying to make me more and more anxious.

I just feel as if he is holding me back fom getting better in a many ways.

I know that you will probably be thinking that I should dump him, but I don't feel as if I can.

He is alright sometimes but not that often.

Thanks for reading, I hope I have'nt bored you too much.

[Bill]

Hi mayson,

You're by no means alone with this. I've heard of so many people who suffer because of the same reasons.

It's sad to say that some people like to keep people feeling the same way, that they're incapable of doing things for themselves and that they're no good, just to keep them under their control to make them feel they can't cope without them.

You need to stand your ground, be more assertive and to stand up for yourself even though you don't feel capable inside. If we have a heavy boulder keeping us trapped on the ground, the only way to ease it is by fighting back to ease the pressure.

Sometimes the boulder finds another victim or realise they can't have it all their own way but one thing for certain is that the boulder won't change or move unless it is pushed.

I'm sure you're a very capable person but just don't yet realise it because you've not been allowed to.

[louwilliams]

i posted a thread called "unsupportive partner" a while ago-if you read that you'll see i'm in exactly the same position as you.

i cant really give you any advice sorry-just know your not alone

xxx

[purplehaze]

My heart goes out to you mayson. There is no doubt that having a partner thats unsupportive does not help the way you feel and I agree with what bill has said. I would like to suggest seeing if there are any assertive training classes in your area. This would help boost your confidence and start to empower you. As louwilliams says "you are not alone" and on this site you will get support.

[kazzie]

Hi There

I cant tell you what to do but will share my story with you.......

I was once married to a pig of a bloke, he caused my panic to get worse and worse, at one point I stayed indoors for 18 months!!!

He even told me it was nice to see me shaking and panicing cos my ego was far too large!!!

He would put me down at every opportunity and would sulk if he dident get his own way!!!

Anyhow I left him, met a lovely bloke who has helped me no end, got me help for it and now Im mostly fine!!!

Like I said Im not telling you what to do, just letting you know there are choices available to you

Take Care

Kaz x x x

[pips]

So Sorry about your partner just wanted to send some

What if you left out some information on anxiety & panic etc... and asked if he could read it when he has time. Might he do that?

Take Care,

Love & Wishes,

Pip's X X

[belle]

Flipping heck, did you write this about my husband??
I was just going to post something about this myself.

It's SOOOOOO hard with an unsupportive partner. I find myself crying daily because i want to be understood instead of being constantly put down and told i don't want to get better and that i will never get better. My husband tells me regulary that i am a burden and i've ruined his life. He says he's never been so unhappy in his life. I FORCE myself out of the house twice a week to work as a barmaid. My mother has to pick me up and take me, but still that isn't even good enough.

He tells me he doesn't love me. He loves to remind me of that fact!!!
My question is this...

HOW MUCH CAN ONE TAKE????? When can you say, enough is enough?

My thoughts are very much with you..

x

[honeybee3939]

Hi Mayson


I was just wondering if you spend anytime for yourself away from your family. I have to say there as been many times when i felt i am just taken for granted at home, cleaning, meals on the table seeing to the kids etc,the list is endless.
I know a couple of months ago i had just had enough, i left home for a few days and went to stay with my aunt. Wow did that shock my husband! it realy made him realise how much i do at home, and was a different person when i came home. ive decided now im going to think about my self for a change and im doing things without my husband and kids around me.
A couple of weeks ago i went on a long weekend to the coast with my sister and my mum, and in a couple of weeks im going away with my mum to Blackpool for 5 days.ive also got some evenings booked with friends and going out for meals, Im not saying go book a weeks holiday away from your husband, just try and have some time out with friends away from the stress of family life. dont be taken for granted hun, you deserve to be treat better than that.

Love and hugs

Andrea
xxxxx

[skitty]

Hi Mayson ( and bluebell and lou and Kazzie) .
Reading your posts made me want to reply that I know how you feel....
I cant begin to describe what I went through with my partner, but verbal and emotional abuse, constant putdowns, explosive rages, unpredictable behaviour, drinking, a total lack of consideration for anything except himself and the "walking on eggshells" thing certainly came into it.

In the end I had been reduced to such a state where I felt I had so little control I had even stopped eating. I had always been afraid of his rage and what he would do if i left but in the end i realised that the stress was gonna kill me anyway so i made a break for it (not to mention i had a 2 year old son and needed to get him out!).
Well long story short I woke up in hospital with 2 broken bones and a missing tooth! Years of fighting in the family court followed($20,000 in lawyers fees), along with 2 restraining orders, 3 arrests and the loss of my business, friends, dignity and reputation.
But it was all worth it!
My son is now a happy well adjusted 7 year old, I am (semi)sane, and I have even got one or 2 good friends. I am over the worst of the nightmares, anxiety and hypervigilance (didnt used to be able to relax in case i missed hearing his car pull up!) I am happy, and even though i have my bad times i (mostly) cope.
Sorry about going on with my own sad story but what i wanted to say was-1) are you scared of him at all? and
2) you may surprise yourself with how strong you can be once youve reached the point where enough is enough (even if you do feel like a wrung out dish rag!).
best of luck with whatever you do xx