Re: Worried about my dad - heart failure
Originally Posted by
fizzymoon86
My dad was discharged from hospital this week after 2.5 weeks receiving treatment.
We’re happy to have him home but unfortunately he has a terminal diagnosis and he will not be getting better and it is likely he has a matter of months left.
I can’t quite get my head around this and I’m not sure how to process it.
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I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I know how difficult a parent's terminal diagnosis is. How is your dad taking it?
The way I'd look at it is this..
Your dad's 75. It's a decent age that is. It's a full life. My dad died when he was 58 - not much older than I am now.
One of the positives of a terminal diagnosis is that people get to tie up all those loose ends and more importantly, to say goodbye. We had time to say our goodbyes to my dad, and for him to say everything that he'd always meant to say but was too old 'blokey' to say them. This meant that he (and we) got closure. The same can't be said of my mum who died without warning and it took me a decade to get closure from her death..
These last few months don't have to be sad for him, or you. I have many lovely memories of being with my dad in the months before he died. Special moments, and some hilarious ones too - like when he wanted to tick 'finding Spangles' off his bucket list...
"Er, Spangles were discontinued in the 80s Dad?
Even so, my father was undeterred and carried on with the Spangle hunt. He eventually gave up and settled for a pint of something alcoholic from his past and me promising to empty his piss bag for him..
One of the oddest moments was a phone call I overheard to one of his mates (he'd not seen for years) and when the bloke asked him how he was, he said, 'Yeah, I'm not too bad kid - just got a touch of cancer'. He totally downgraded metastatic cancer to something like a cold? In contrast my mother was stopping random people in the street, Tesco, and everywhere, and informing them that she had cancer and that her ovaries were totally buggered (her words)
There were lots of walks down memory lane for us all with my dad and we made the very best out of those last months with him, including his family going to a cricket match. There's a great picture of us all hanging off his wheelchair, and my old man looks frail, but happy.
If your dad is well enough to cope with a trip out in a wheelchair or whatnot - ask him where he wants to go. A trip to the seaside for the day? A push around the park? Be guided by him, and if he's not well enough for that, just be there. Sit with him. Talk to him. Be strong for him. You can let it all out once you get back home..
Everybody dies (obvs) but not everybody gets time like this. You can pack a lot into a few months, and that doesn't have to be doing things; it can mean talking and listening. Try to see these last months in terms of quality of time, rather than time itself?
All the very best to you..
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