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Thread: Starting a new job

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    95

    Starting a new job

    So, I am starting a new job on Monday and although I am excited about the role, I am so overwhelmed and anxious about the first day, first week and even the long term. To clarify, there's a lot of big things about this job and a lot of firsts. It's my first full-time role and my first 'real' job which is essentially a career. I'm sorry if this is a long post but I just need to let it out.

    First off, I had a bad experience from my past job where they threw me in the deep end in a job that was actually kind of dangerous and I was left to work in the building alone - I embarrassed myself when I had to deal with customers and I didn't know something, even got shouted at a few times, had terrible anxiety before going in to work (in the early days) because I didn't feel I could handle it. I would even go to the lengths of making the place look as though it was closed because I was so scared of a large group of customers coming in and feeling like I didn't know what to do or even being yelled at. Eventually, I picked everything up but it took longer than it needed to had I been trained properly. I was there for 3 years and ended up loving it eventually but those first few months were tough and I guess they did scar me a bit. The organisation I am going to is a proper huge organisation - which means they have loads of training before I am allowed to do the job on my own. I was even told by them that 'it will be weeks until I am allowed to just get on with it on my own'. That has definitely put my mind at rest and I think it's just going to be a lot of online training, showing me around etc. My dad has said that they have too much to lose by not training me properly and he's right and my boyfriend said that really the first few days at work should be the best because no one expects too much from you. This is all true of course, but I still worry as I feel like my performance, even if as simple as how much training I get through, will be heavily monitored and I will be a focus of attention. I am also scared to say when I don't understand something or need help because I worry they will think I am not good enough for the role.

    All of this on top of the fact that I have social anxiety, and fewer things are more daunting than starting a new job at a massive company where you feel everyone will be introduced to you and staring at you. I am so worried I will embarrass myself with my social awkwardness - even something as stupid as the way I stand that gives away that I am socially awkward, making a mistake, stumbling over words, sounding stupid, etc. I also feel like the way you enter somewhere - whether it be a school, office, university - how you start is how you tend to go on because it then becomes too awkward to change that. For example, I know when I get really nervous, I will go into survival mode, I will appear socially awkward, extremely quiet and not confident. I don't want to be like that the entirety of my career there and it could even jeopardize said career. There's more to my personality and I want people to see that. I was nervous in the interview but in my feedback I was surprised to see that they said my personality shone through, so perhaps I just don't see myself the way others do. Also, take into account that I haven't worked in two years (one for the full-time masters I did, the other because of covid) and it means I have lost some confidence. Covid and lockdown in particular, although at first it was like a introverts dream, it hasn't done me any favours as now even the simplest of phone calls give me anxiety as I have gotten away with minimal human interaction for the past year.

    I am overjoyed with the job - covid has made it so hard to find work and at times I have been so down, anxious and worried about money and where my life was going. The job has been a relief and honestly if I wasn't starting it now I would be completely screwed financially. So although that makes it more of a relief, it also adds some pressure to it as well. There's quite a long probationary period - 6 months - so I'm jumping to horrible conclusions like 'what if I can't do the job and they let me go', not to mention the fact everyone around me is so pleased for me. And there's also added pressure in the sense that if I hate it for whatever reason - the stress, affects on my health, horrible people, etc, I can't just think I can leave and get something else. Believe me, it has been a struggle.

    Having said all this, I do really want to do my best at this job and I am excited about it. It's for that reason that I am anxious about it - because I care.

    Anyone have any advice on coping with starting a new job when you literally have anxiety over everything (literally I am even anxious about driving there and parking)? And I hope I didn't offend anyone who is struggling with unemployment right now - not my intention as I have been going through that for months and I am very pleased with this job.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    1,985

    Re: Starting a new job

    You have done amazingly well to get a job! Wow.

    I suspect you actually KNOW all the answers in your head. So I'm going to pass on my personal motto, which I came up with at your stage of life: EVERYBODY'S BLUFFING.

    Those people who are so calm and confident? Not inside.
    The person who knows EVERYthing about the role? Well - maybe they do, in which case cultivate them and ask things (it's ok not to know when you're new! PERfect time to ask things!) But more likely they just have more knowledge and experience than you do.

    I said to my manager the other day something about how I was struggling with a particular thing, and she said, "Oh I know! I messed that up the other week!"

    I will be praying that you have really kind, understanding people. The great thing about Covid is that most people now have an idea what anxiety feels like...

    Good luck! Keep us posted! I am really excited for you.

    P.S. Damage does lurk, any time you feel anxious, check if it's a button from the old job being pressed. I've taken a couple of decades to get over a bullying manager. Doesn't mean everyone else is the same. A large company will MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. x
    Last edited by Speranza; 23-06-21 at 08:19.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2021
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    670

    Re: Starting a new job

    Congratulations on your new job!

    I would just say take each day at a time. You'll have a lot of leeway because you're new and that will make it easier. Big companies are well geared up to easing into jobs.

    Hope all goes well.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    95

    Re: Starting a new job

    Quote Originally Posted by Speranza View Post
    You have done amazingly well to get a job! Wow.

    I suspect you actually KNOW all the answers in your head. So I'm going to pass on my personal motto, whichI came up with at your stage of life: EVERYBODY'S BLUFFING.

    Those people who are so calm and confident? Not inside.
    The person who knows EVERYthing about the role? Well - maybe they do, in which case cultivate them and ask things (it's ok not to know when you're new! PERfect time to ask things!) But more likely they just have more knowledge and experience than you do.

    I said to my manager the other day something about how I was struggling with a particular thing, and she said, "Oh I know! I messed that up the other week!"

    I will be praying that you have really kind, understanding people. The great thing about Covid is that most people now have an idea what anxiety feels like...

    Good luck! Keep us posted! I am really excited for you.

    P.S. Damage does lurk, any time you feel anxious, check if it's a button from the old job being pressed. I've taken a couple of decades to get over a bullying manager. Doesn't mean everyone else is the same. A large company will MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. x
    Thank you
    It sounds horrible but I actually think one of the reasons I am so worried is because landing the job seemed too good to be true! It was a struggle to get any job so to then be offered something which was better than I ever expected to get was a really great feeling but also daunting!

    Thanks for the motto - I hear similar things out there. I think we all have a habit of thinking other people know what they're doing all the time and that we're clueless but someone could easily be thinking the same of us! Or as you say, its a matter of experience and they can't expect that from someone who has none. I know when we got new recruits at my last job, they turned to me as the 'expert' if you will - a far cry from what I was at the start!

    I think I also need to learn that it is OK to ask things. Even the most perfect fit for a job won't know everything there is to know about a new place.

    Fortunately, I have dealt with kind people so far. My new boss is lovely, he's been reassuring about not throwing me in the deep end and told me that is 'never good for either employee or employer'. He's also aware I have never even worked in an office before and is completely understanding of that. I think I just started to worry about the fact he will not be there in my first week so hoping everyone around me is also kind. I hate to say this as a woman, but I find some women at work, whether they are your boss or colleague, can be a bit funny with you as a young female. So I guess I am also worrying how everyone, especially the women, will take to me. Again, I think it goes back to bad work experiences.

    Sorry to hear you had a bullying manager - I don't know what possesses people to bully their staff. I do need to try and remember that it won't happen everywhere I go. Yes its actually a government job - so my dad is right in that it would be bad for them to not train me to the highest standard. I'm sure they will be very thorough and won't let me do the job until I am fully prepared.

    Thank you so much for you kind words and I will keep you posted

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    95

    Re: Starting a new job

    Quote Originally Posted by Catkins View Post
    Congratulations on your new job!

    I would just say take each day at a time. You'll have a lot of leeway because you're new and that will make it easier. Big companies are well geared up to easing into jobs.

    Hope all goes well.
    Thank you

    That is good advice - perhaps I shouldn't be jumping to how I'll feel a few days or weeks in but take each day as it comes. Thankfully yes, they seem to be easing me in for a few weeks - its a government job so they will surely be training me to the highest standard.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Re: Starting a new job

    Hi, how is it going?
    __________________
    All manner of thing shall be well... (Julian of Norwich)

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