Struggling

[Buster70]

Another day another argument out of nowhere and I’ve now had to move out , not sure if this is it for us , I haven’t been very understanding with her lately so I guess I’m to blame , it all escalated very quickly so I had to go , life was so close to being good but always out of reach , I’ve got so much work to catch up on but no enthusiasm, there seems no point , my daughter text to ask if I’ll take her to her hospital appointment to see the neurologist about her mri scans and discuss her future treatment.
How do I change my ways to make life better or is this it ? Life is hard

[Heather1234]

Another day another argument out of nowhere and I’ve now had to move out , not sure if this is it for us , I haven’t been very understanding with her lately so I guess I’m to blame , it all escalated very quickly so I had to go , life was so close to being good but always out of reach , I’ve got so much work to catch up on but no enthusiasm, there seems no point , my daughter text to ask if I’ll take her to her hospital appointment to see the neurologist about her mri scans and discuss her future treatment.
How do I change my ways to make life better or is this it ? Life is hard

Oh I'm sorry this is all happening. I wish I had good advice for you. Do you have a counselor of any type. I think when some relationships don't work or have periods of discord, there's always two involved & maybe no one to necessarily blame? Sounds like yall have had a lot going on. Life can still be good. We never know what tomorrow holds.

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[Buster70]

Hi , no there is no one I talk to just this place and if we’re honest I don’t really fit in here , I don’t fit into my family they’ve ether died or have their own lives , I don’t fit into my old circle of friends because social anxiety won’t let me , I dont fit into my relationship anymore , I don’t even fit into this bloody sofa I’ve tried to sleep on , I didn’t think at my age I’d be alone in an empty house , I’d guess today will hold more of the same and at 5 in the morning that doesn’t fill me with hope .

[pulisa]

Absolutely no point thinking like that though, Buster. Just have some space from your partner, carry on with your work and keep yourself busy. She'll call you when she feels like it. You have your own life too and don't need to fit around other people's needs.

[Carnation]

I agree with Pulisa Buster. And you've been in this position before. It seems a roundabout of emotions between the two of you which is probably unlikely to change. So you adapt accordingly. I know you don't want to split and your partner would have gone by now, so there's something keeping you two together.
Geez, it wasn't that long ago that the two of you were practically holding hands waiting to hear about the test results from her breast scan. You'll have to nickname the two of you as Liz and Burton. Maybe you can both laugh about it one day. In the meantime get on with your own thing. Tc x

[Catkins]

Sorry you're having a rough time Buster, I think others have given you good advice.

Not so long ago (earlier this year), I went off to stay at a friends because I couldn't cope with being at home, I even started looking at places to rent. But here I am back home and pretty happy with my husband again. So for you things might change and it might not be a done deal as yet.

[Buster70]

Thanks for the replies, I felt so low this morning and tried to leave the site because I just keep dumping the same shite on you , I have to live it but you don’t need to hear about it , anyway unlucky for you I couldn’t find how to close my account so you’re just stuck with me , I went to get the dogs and partner isn’t well , she’s been passing blood again , she has IBS which does flare up but they wanted her to go in and be checked for what’s going on and possibly Crohns , anyway she declined but is in agony , I’ve said I’ll still give her some space but if she needs me I’m very close , I know there is still love between us but we both have issues that can clash , we’re in such a good place financially compared to a few years ago and we both want this future at the coast although I saw my granddaughter today and she said “ don’t even think about moving away its not happening “ I guess I do fit in somewhere , got my dog with me tonight which feels a lot less lonely and given everyone that has stayed in this house finds it spooky and possibly haunted having the dog here is very welcome , I’ve also fitted new bulbs as when daughter lived here she put Eddison bulbs everywhere so it’s like the black hole .
I agree I do need to get on with my life it’s just hard when everything seems to be falling apart and let’s face it we’ve had more than our fair share of problems , I’d love to start going to see my old mates again but most of them still drink and do coke until the morning , even if I wasn’t nuts I’d still be too old , funny thing is several of them have had breakdowns and been in prison so not sure why I’m so ashamed of how I am mentally.
Anyway thanks .

[Buster70]

I seem to be hitting rock bottom, we had the kids at the weekend but she doesn’t really talk to me now , I’ve given her space and not put pressure on her to talk , I ask what’s best for her and how I can help but she can’t bear to be around me , her social worker has said to her that I’m abusive and controlling, she’s never met me or heard my side so it seems a bit unfair but I just don’t know any more maybe I do try to keep in control or I get anxious, my head is a real mess and I can’t do right for doing wrong , I’ve spent getting on for twenty grand in two months on these flats and stock to work with to sell but I’m so low and in so much pain from arthritis it all seems pointless , my ideas about working and living at the coast are now fading away, I blame myself for messing it all up , I’ve been paranoid and needy and now I’ve pushed away the person I love the most , I don’t think I’ll get her back this time .
Tomorrow I’m taking my daughter to the hospital for her MS assessment, she wants me to go in with her , the neurologist wants to go through her scans and she’s worried about seeing the lesions , I’ve got to be there for her but I’m falling apart mentally and physically, I used to have terrible nightmares but now I have vivid dreams and wake up into a nightmare I feel physically sick at the thought of life when I wake .
What help is there for someone like me ? My problems aren’t all in my head most are real , I hate phone consultations and waiting for a call on a certain day and time just makes me anxious , am I just a lost cause ? the more I think about it the more I realise that my anxiety has turned me into a selfish horrible excuse for human being , I only think of how things are affecting me .

[Memaw26]

Hi all , after my last post me and partner both decided we needed to get tested neither of us felt well and she had a sore throat , the test and all the faffing about registering wasn’t a great morning out , hearing other people heaving up before you go in was enough to make you go home but at least it was just up the nose and throat ( rear end and I’d have been on my bike ) text today all clear so I now need an eye test , headaches so bad you can’t lay down isn’t right .
Had both jabs , first one I thought I was dying I was so ill and the next day they announced the blood clot scare , given my dad died of a blood clot in his 50s which I am now it did make me regret having the jab but when I looked at the odds I thought what the f**k might as well get the second one done in for a penny in for a pound , the morning of my second jab Dr Hillary ( the only Doctor Ive seen in two years ) said second jabs were likely to make you much more poorly than the first which turned out to be wrong I was ill in the slightest , so now I have both chips fitted so the government can track where I walk my dogs each day and what days I go to church
Carnation you were right in saying I shouldn’t post details of my personal life on a public forum and saying when I feel suicidal isn’t nice reading for others , I was being selfish offloading it all on here and not considering the people reading it , the problem is I don’t know what to do with all these thoughts going round at a million miles an hour in my head , I do appreciate the time you have giving me in the past and the many others who have .
The times I’ve felt desperate enough to ring my Doctors I just get a answer phone saying don’t come to the surgery, it’s enough to make you think I won’t bother .
My mind seems to be in conflict with my body making everything hard work even going for a walk when my chest is tight and my breathing is manual , I’m like this all day every day and it’s exhausting when you have to work and deal with people , an eight hour day feels like 24 hours hard labour .
Anyway I’m going on and on and I’m tired so I’ll catch up later , hope you guys / gals are doing okay catch you later.

Hi! I've read your posts. I'm glad you are doing well. Always remember that when you are feeling down or feelin desperate. There's also other people who wish you best.
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[Carnation]

Buster, if I were you I'd just get on with your projects, this sitting around and mulling over the negatives is not doing you any good. There's an ongoing situation with your partner and its a suck it and see or cut your losses. Its been going on so long Buster and it's become a continuous circle of habits and way of life.
A lot of those don't feel we fit in, that's one of the reasons we come here but it doesn't mean you are not worthy of a life or living the life you choose.
Come on, dust yourself down and put Buster into action mode and leave the overthinking in the box because its just no help to you buddy.