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Thread: Struggling

  1. #241
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,973

    Re: Struggling

    Thank you for replying Carnation , as much as I’d love to just crack on with my plans and life in general my plans were always a joint thing with my partner but she’s now pretty cold towards me no cuddling kissing or pretty much no emotion other than anger at the world , .I know in time things may change but I can only see a very bleak future , I don’t just sit around I still work every day but I’m in constant pain from the second I wake up .
    If I cut my losses what am I left with ? My old mates pretty much begged me to go out to a party with them last week but I just made up an excuse and didn’t go , they probably just think I’m being ignorant , my family have gone , I can’t just start over again anxiety won’t let me , I have small social interactions with people when out with my dogs or working and that’s it , every night is just the same .
    I have resisted adding to this post for a couple of weeks because I know all I’d write would be self pity and here it is .
    I can’t be the best version of myself anymore as people put it these days ,this is as good as it gets which isn’t good at all .
    I’ll leave this post to disappear now it doesn’t make good reading but thank you to all who have replied it is very much appreciated .

  2. #242
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    16,747

    Re: Struggling

    It's not a question of "starting over again". That's a meaningless platitude. You have to decide what you want and if you see a future with your partner then stick with that decision. You know the score with her. You know how she functions. You say you love her warts and all and she must feel the same about you. You still have a family. You have grandchildren who you adore. What's wrong with "small" social interactions if that's what you're comfortable with? Have you thought what you actually want in the near future? You've got new properties on the coast..That's a big achievement.

    Who cares about being the "best version of yourself"? That's meaningless unless you know what you want. Many people just muddle through..I know I do.

  3. #243
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    10,624

    Re: Struggling

    I second what Pulisa has basically said.
    Maybe you have the idea that most people are living in harmony but they are not. And you have to take the good bits when they come along.
    You and your partner are not kids anymore and dealing with adult stuff and a lot of time it's not pleasant or a pain in the butt. You are probably no different than thousands of other couples and families. And you have to learn to adapt if you want to stay together and for it to work.

  4. #244
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    2,736

    Re: Struggling

    I agree with Carnation and Pulisa. There are days when things are an incredible struggle, days that are average and the odd day when things seem pretty good. No relationship is constantly the same.

    All this 'living your best life' makes little sense to me. My best life might be in a caravan on the north coast of Scotland, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Take each day as it is, take any little moment of pleasure or interaction as a win. Life isn't all fun and games, sometimes it's incredibly dull and incredibly difficult, but hang on in there for the little things, your grandchildren, walking the dog, the prospect that it won't be long until the snowdrops poke through.

  5. #245
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,973

    Re: Struggling

    Thank you all , today has been particularly difficult to get through , I can feel the depression forcing it’s way in clouding my thoughts to make everything seem pointless , I feel utterly alone even though I talk to people everyday .
    I know what you are saying is right but I always feel I need to fix things right now , I am mechanically minded but that doesn’t carry over to life or relationships , since my mum died and my partner started the menopause everything changed almost overnight but I didn’t change with it now I’m trying to fix a problem that’s out of my control .
    Im in a much better situation than some on here but it never seems right , maybe I’m just destined to be unhappy and not content with what I have .
    what I do day in day out is stressful but I do enjoy it so n a good day , people can be absolute r’soles not turning up at agreed times like my time means nothing and then bringing a friend to try and badger you into dropping prices , I’m good at standing my ground except with one person , it all grinds you down and so tired from it but I can’t settle or relax .
    anyway thank you , I’ll leave you all be for now .

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