Struggling

[pulisa]

But at least she's had the mammo done now which is better than doing nothing and worrying.

The next few days are going to be stressful but you are away from home and at a place you both love which must be a better option even though the anxiety goes with you?

Nothing has changed now as you say. You've just got to take things as they come and not try to predict the outcome of the mammo. Speculating is pointless and exhausting. You have to wait for the facts. I know it's horrible but you'll get through the hours and this will make your relationship stronger, I'm sure

[Carnation]

Buster, I can still hear and feel your negativity. You don't have to think this way at this point. And nurses and doctors will always say stuff levered towards the negativity end as a means of practice.
Try to concentrate on enjoying your time away. The weather is still good and the sea air is the best tonic.

[Buster70]

Christ if my dog slept through the night that would be a miracle.
I know she’s done the right thing and how hard and embarrassing it was for her , I’ve told her nothing is more important so we can leave everything behind and I’ll pick work later , I mainly deal with one chap and we’ve become friends over the last few years so I’m pretty sure he won’t dump me , we have a mutual trust that we won’t screw each other over and in business these days that’s hard to find .
I really do believe it could bring us closer and if it’s not serious that would be fantastic , she has a good heart but life has given her and angry self destructive streak that she needs to let go .
Thanks x

[pulisa]

When you have a health scare it puts everything in perspective and maybe she will see that your past doesn't have to dictate your present and your future.

[Buster70]

You know we’ve had so many health scares over the years but as you get older you lose friends and family yearly and you become very aware of your own mortality and how short life is , we can be so loving and happy or at the point of killing ourselves but I guess that does mean we care and have something worth working at .
I really hope things are relatively okay with your lot Pulisa , what I’ve read you dealing with would put most in the loony bin or an early grave but you have that strength of character I envy .
Take care x

[pulisa]

I'm just a creature of habit who couldn't cope with a "normal" life now! You just get used to what you've got to deal with, I suppose..

I am able to sleep though and having so many disrupted nights must make it much harder to cope with the days, Buster? Nora did mention about the possibility of your dog being in pain...Is it worth getting a vet's opinion? Especially as she's an older dog?

[Buster70]

Last night felt like the last straw, worried all day then kept awake all night , at least once an hour the dog got us up , she gets Diarrhea a lot and being on the second floor it means taking her down the stairs and hanging about in the cold and dark while she does her business, it takes me a while to get back to sleep then just as I do she’s scratching at the door again , I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was going mad to a point I was too tired to sleep , by seven o’clock I was just sat in tears , this has gone on for years with no end in sight , at home we go down and leave the back door open and go back to sleep but that’s not possible here , she not ill just old and has been to the vets recently she nearly died from fluid on her lungs , she’s in good health for a Staffy of fifteen but it’s become a nightmare , I’ve now got so used to being woken I lay awake waiting for her to start, on the rare occasion I get maybe 5 hours sleep I function so much better , I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night , and having a nap in the day seems to make it harder to sleep at night .
This said I didn’t go mad as I thought I was going to and managed to get through the day but it’s not much of a life.

[NoraB]

Last night felt like the last straw, worried all day then kept awake all night , at least once an hour the dog got us up , she gets Diarrhea a lot and being on the second floor it means taking her down the stairs and hanging about in the cold and dark while she does her business, it takes me a while to get back to sleep then just as I do she’s scratching at the door again , I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was going mad to a point I was too tired to sleep , by seven o’clock I was just sat in tears , this has gone on for years with no end in sight , at home we go down and leave the back door open and go back to sleep but that’s not possible here , she not ill just old and has been to the vets recently she nearly died from fluid on her lungs , she’s in good health for a Staffy of fifteen but it’s become a nightmare , I’ve now got so used to being woken I lay awake waiting for her to start, on the rare occasion I get maybe 5 hours sleep I function so much better , I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night , and having a nap in the day seems to make it harder to sleep at night .
This said I didn’t go mad as I thought I was going to and managed to get through the day but it’s not much of a life.

Constant diarrhoea and waking up throughout the night? What do you feed her on?

[Buster70]

Believe me we’ve tried everything, she can be fine on one food for a while then back to Diarrhea again , the food she had for years she can’t have , currently on a grain free meat and dry biscuits that the pet shop recommended and bottled water because the water isn’t great at the coast , we’ve tried cooked chicken , she’s very fussy as well so if she doesn’t like it she’ll just walk away and have nothing , we have to constantly watch her when we’re out to make sure she doesn’t pick anything up , she’s always had a delicate tummy since day one but it’s got worse , the price of the medication is ridiculous as well £8 yesterday for three packs that last two days , it’s okay in the day it’s just getting up at night constantly that drives you nuts .
Partner doesn’t want to go home so we’re staying a few more days but we need to get back and see if there is a letter , the drive back will be horrible, I could cry some days seeing the pain she is in with her knees and now she has this hanging over her , it seems so unfair to have had so many health problems one after another .
Im okay staying here but it does feel a bit isolating not really knowing anyone else , I will talk to people but it’s just small talk to pass the time of day .

[NoraB]

it seems so unfair to have had so many health problems one after another .

It does seem unfair. That's how it gets me some days. I average 3 days a week in bed now and when I'm in a lot of pain I ask (whoever) what I've done to deserve this? But I know that's not how life works. I'm not being punished. Neither is your partner. Nor are you. Life is all about the ups and the downs because everything in life has an opposite and to know happiness and health, we have to know unhappiness and illness. When I was healthy I totally took it for granted, but we do don't we?

In the end, it's not what happens to us that matters. It's how we respond to those things that matter. In going to the sea - your partner is responding positively. She's listening to what her 'soul' needs and that's a really good thing Buster because the alternative is that she'd be at home unable to get out of a chair (or bed) right now..

This, now, will change. You won't be in this limbo for long. The waiting (and I've been here with a gynae issue) is the worst part because this is where the mind plays up. After being fast-tracked for a scan and hysteroscopy I got my all clear on a Christmas Eve and it was the best present I got that year! The odds are that your partner will also get the all clear Buster and then you can move on from this..

Until then...

Do nice things. Reassure. Be there.

And don't forget that we're all here for you.