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Thread: Struggling

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    Struggling

    Hi all , itís been a while , since losing my mum last year ive been struggling more than ever to keep my head above water , i plod on each day just going through the motions but I feel dead inside , I have no idea where to turn for any help or if itís even available , since lockdown last year it seems you an call your invisible GP and all you get is a message saying donít come to the surgery, Iím not great with waiting for phone consultations and I guess any mental health help would be by phone , Iíve thought about ringing the Samaritans many times but what can they do ? .
    It was pointed out I shouldnít post my relationship problems on a public forum or the way I feel when I hit rock bottom which I do agree itís not the place , I donít know if my mental state and lack of sleep is making me paranoid or Iím being gaslighted into thinking itís all in my head and Iím being over sensitive and needy , i really donít know whatís real anymore .
    Am I expecting too much from life to have dreams , hope , happiness and passion ? Iíve just taken a gamble on taking on an apartment at the coast as Iíve been doing well work wise but already I have doubts thinking is was a costly mistake and I will just take all the problems with me when we go and feel more isolated.
    Apparently itís farthers day today and three in the morning I canít sleep laying here alone and feeling tearful like many other nights , partner sleeps downstairs most nights because sheís in pain or our old dog needs her , in my head itís to get away from me , my daughters will probably pop round and Iíll have to fake being happy that make them happy .
    I just want to stop over thinking everything and enjoy life but I donít know how .
    Sorry for the depressing moan I have tried to miss out all the gory details of how this year has been so far .
    So is there help ? Or just plod on ,man up and stop feeling sorry for myself ?
    Thanks x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    670

    Re: Struggling

    Sorry you're going through such a tough time.

    I would say definitely try and get some help. Try your GP, try your local Mind, try Cruse and yes if you want to call the Samaritans, do - I know they can't do anything but sometimes just talking to someone helps. I contacted them about 3 weeks ago by a chat function they are trialling at the moment as I had no phone signal where I was. It all helps.

    Coming on here has helped me loads too - people are really kind and have given me straight talking advice (kick up the arse) when I needed it as well as support.

    I'm a long way from 'better', but I believe I'm on the right track. You can do it too.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    It was pointed out I shouldnít post my relationship problems on a public forum
    Says who?

    or the way I feel when I hit rock bottom which I do agree itís not the place , I donít know if my mental state and lack of sleep is making me paranoid or Iím being gaslighted into thinking itís all in my head and Iím being over sensitive and needy , i really donít know whatís real anymore .
    I'd say that the way you're feeling, as in, you don't know what's real, sounds very much like you're being gaslighted Buster. The aim is to make people feel like their sanity is in question or they're at fault, when they're not.

    Apparently itís farthers day today and three in the morning I canít sleep laying here alone and feeling tearful like many other nights , partner sleeps downstairs most nights because sheís in pain or our old dog needs her , in my head itís to get away from me , my daughters will probably pop round and Iíll have to fake being happy that make them happy .
    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way B. I know what it feels like to pretend you're ok when you're anything but Ok...

    So is there help ? Or just plod on ,man up and stop feeling sorry for myself ?
    Thanks x
    Mental health issues do not equal weakness B. I've always said that the opposite applies because it takes strength and courage to exist with mental health issues 24/7 and anybody who says otherwise to you doesn't understand anxiety and depression. That, or they're just an R-sole.

    There is help B. Talking is essential, so keep doing it. Whether it's on here, or The Samaritans, (I talked to a lovely bloke called Tony once) or to a therapist.

    Counselling - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

    You don't need a referral from your GP for this B. Scroll down until you get to 'Can you get free counselling on the NHS' and the links are there.
    __________________
    Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight.

  4. #4
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    Jun 2014
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    13,447

    Re: Struggling

    You can get 6 sessions of Counselling for Depression via the IAPT services (self referral) but there is a long waiting list..inevitably... and that's not what you want now, Buster. No one wants to be told that there's help but you've got to wait months for it and first you've got to go through a telephone assessment and then have to sit through a webinar and then you go on the waiting list etc etc. It's enough to make anyone depressed...(sorry..I know it's not funny).

    If you want to phone someone today then try the Samaritans or maybe even better the Mind Crisis Line and I do hope the person who picks up the phone is decent because they are a mixed bag as you know and it helps so much to speak to someone who really cares and wants to really listen to you and not just come up with platitudes or a suggestion to have a bath or go for a mindful walk and then everything will be fine and dandy..You need far more than that and you deserve more than that.

  5. #5
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    May 2014
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    7,502

    Re: Struggling

    Nora, I think Buster was referring to me about the posting issues between himself and his wife. Although I obviously didn't say he couldn't post but I believe his partner reads the forum and I just pointed out that it wouldn't help his ongoing fraught relationship to read about such personal details on public view. Buster and I go back along way with our online friendship and we have communicated by private messaging on certain issues and It was decided by Buster he would take a break from the forum. That was his choice not mine.

    Buster I'm sorry to hear you are still suffering. You know you have great support from your buddies on here. You should never feel you can't come on here to discuss how you feel and I only mentioned the partner issue as it may have not been helping you. I can see now that it has had not helped and is a much deeper rooted situation.
    I think it's a brilliant idea to book an apartment. It will do you good to get away my friend. x

  6. #6
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    You can get 6 sessions of Counselling for Depression via the IAPT services (self referral) but there is a long waiting list..inevitably... and that's not what you want now, Buster. No one wants to be told that there's help but you've got to wait months for it and first you've got to go through a telephone assessment and then have to sit through a webinar and then you go on the waiting list etc etc. It's enough to make anyone depressed...(sorry..I know it's not funny).
    I had my assessment (2016) first time was GP referral - second time I referred myself. There was a wait, yes, but then my husband started mithering the shit out of them and this seemed to move things along a bit quicker? He's quite the bolshy git when he gets going! And it certainly won't be the first time we've had to push to get some support re the NHS!

    If I was Buster, I'd make the referral anyway. Or go through the GP who may be able to move things along more quickly? At least he will be in the system. Nobody with mental health issues should have to 'plod on' - but unfortunately many (if not most) of us have to do just that - unless we can come up with the money to throw at private therapy? Mind are good. Samaritans are good. I've used them both..

    Respectfully, I balked at suggestions to go out for walks when I had a breakdown. I wanted to sit in a chair all day where I felt 'safe', but my husband pushed me and, despite having panic attacks while I was out, I always felt slightly better for having done it. It doesn't fix the problem, you're right, but anything that we can do for our mental and physical wellbeing will help us. I have no problems advocating walks in nature - because I understand the benefits. I've lain under trees with clinical depression (me, not the trees) and cried my eyes out, but in a cathartic way? It doesn't have to be a 'mindful' walk. Just walk; nature will do the rest because it makes us aware of the connection to the natural environment - even is it's for the briefest moment. Birdsong that makes us pay attention? Or squirrels chasing each other round the trees? I saw a deer in our woods one day when I was feeling shit. The creature stood and posed for me. Shame the Zoom is crap on my camera phone! It's good for the soul and reminds us who we really are, and how we are part of something SO HOOOOOGE we could never understand it with the limitations of our brains...

    Blimey; I've come over a bit hippy? Where's me kaftan!

    Anyway, I'm off to get my nature fix, and maybe a cheeky cup of tea and a cake?

    Buster, I hope today finds you a little brighter? Sending you loads of good vibes my man. X
    __________________
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  7. #7
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Hi all , sorry I didn’t reply to this thread I haven’t felt well for a few days , I’ve had a severe headache for two days so even looking at my phone now is hurting , I’m scared I have covid as I did see my kids and grandkids Sunday and I live in a hot spot we’ve had hundreds of cases in a small town , I think I need to get tested today which I really am crapping it about , it could be eye strain as I desperately need an eye test and glasses but again I’ve been putting this off .
    Talk later , thanks

  8. #8
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Struggling

    Get tested, Buster. It's the right thing to do.

    Really hope the headache lifts soon and please keep us posted

  9. #9
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    Re: Struggling

    Buster, I'm sorry I didn't see your post before now. My own posting has become somewhat sporadic of late. There is probably little I can add to the wonderful advice already given but would agree wholeheartedly with Nora about getting in touch with nature. And I don't mean phoning it for advice as that's not nature's strong point. Have you ever considered growing flowers or veg from seed? Then potting them on, watching them grow knowing its your care and attention that's helping them to thrive? Its very rewarding and also very cheap. If I'm finding life particularly difficult I can retreat to my greenhouse for a while.

    Have you had your two jabs regarding Covid? Ditto what Pulisa said. Hang in there mate and a blokey hug from me
    __________________
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  10. #10
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Hi all , after my last post me and partner both decided we needed to get tested neither of us felt well and she had a sore throat , the test and all the faffing about registering wasn’t a great morning out , hearing other people heaving up before you go in was enough to make you go home but at least it was just up the nose and throat ( rear end and I’d have been on my bike ) text today all clear so I now need an eye test , headaches so bad you can’t lay down isn’t right .
    Had both jabs , first one I thought I was dying I was so ill and the next day they announced the blood clot scare , given my dad died of a blood clot in his 50s which I am now it did make me regret having the jab but when I looked at the odds I thought what the f**k might as well get the second one done in for a penny in for a pound , the morning of my second jab Dr Hillary ( the only Doctor Ive seen in two years ) said second jabs were likely to make you much more poorly than the first which turned out to be wrong I was ill in the slightest , so now I have both chips fitted so the government can track where I walk my dogs each day and what days I go to church
    Carnation you were right in saying I shouldn’t post details of my personal life on a public forum and saying when I feel suicidal isn’t nice reading for others , I was being selfish offloading it all on here and not considering the people reading it , the problem is I don’t know what to do with all these thoughts going round at a million miles an hour in my head , I do appreciate the time you have giving me in the past and the many others who have .
    The times I’ve felt desperate enough to ring my Doctors I just get a answer phone saying don’t come to the surgery, it’s enough to make you think I won’t bother .
    My mind seems to be in conflict with my body making everything hard work even going for a walk when my chest is tight and my breathing is manual , I’m like this all day every day and it’s exhausting when you have to work and deal with people , an eight hour day feels like 24 hours hard labour .
    Anyway I’m going on and on and I’m tired so I’ll catch up later , hope you guys / gals are doing okay catch you later.

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