Hi all , it’s been a while , since losing my mum last year ive been struggling more than ever to keep my head above water , i plod on each day just going through the motions but I feel dead inside , I have no idea where to turn for any help or if it’s even available , since lockdown last year it seems you an call your invisible GP and all you get is a message saying don’t come to the surgery, I’m not great with waiting for phone consultations and I guess any mental health help would be by phone , I’ve thought about ringing the Samaritans many times but what can they do ? .
It was pointed out I shouldn’t post my relationship problems on a public forum or the way I feel when I hit rock bottom which I do agree it’s not the place , I don’t know if my mental state and lack of sleep is making me paranoid or I’m being gaslighted into thinking it’s all in my head and I’m being over sensitive and needy , i really don’t know what’s real anymore .
Am I expecting too much from life to have dreams , hope , happiness and passion ? I’ve just taken a gamble on taking on an apartment at the coast as I’ve been doing well work wise but already I have doubts thinking is was a costly mistake and I will just take all the problems with me when we go and feel more isolated.
Apparently it’s farthers day today and three in the morning I can’t sleep laying here alone and feeling tearful like many other nights , partner sleeps downstairs most nights because she’s in pain or our old dog needs her , in my head it’s to get away from me , my daughters will probably pop round and I’ll have to fake being happy that make them happy .
I just want to stop over thinking everything and enjoy life but I don’t know how .
Sorry for the depressing moan I have tried to miss out all the gory details of how this year has been so far .
So is there help ? Or just plod on ,man up and stop feeling sorry for myself ?
Thanks x