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Thread: Struggling

  1. #171
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    I’ve had a tape stashed away that I recorded when I was 16 , me and about 5 mates getting smashed in my bedroom on a friday night , two litre of lager and two litre of cider to make snakebites , I clicked record on a c90 so 45 mins of drunken singing and shouting , I haven’t listened to it since the 80s when it was made , one day when I feel good I’ll get hold of a tape player and see what’s on it , right now I think stuff from the past will make me feel worse with times gone by , me and my family met up last night and let off a few balloons for my mum , my brother didn’t turn up so we went to see him after and spend a bit of time with him .
    Im really struggling now the day of the mammogram is getting closer and I can see my partner has gone from what ever to I’m sure I have it , if she’s worried and she doesn’t normally worry about her health then it makes me worry more , I feel physically sick and tearful from when I wake to when I go to sleep at night , it seems there is a constant bombardment on tv of people with cancer , it feels like a ticking time bomb and we’re just waiting for it to go off , I can feel okay for a short while when people say she will be okay , the doubt sets in and completely takes over , what if what if what if , I’ve been with her for so long I can’t imagne a life without her , now the kids have left and my parents are gone she’s my life , we had plans of a life at the coast but come Friday this could all change , or it could be good news and put things into perspective, I can’t sleep , eat or work right now my head is not on the job , I’m getting upset just writing this but maybe if I get it out this way I can go out with the dogs and not over think for a while .
    Thank you for being there x

  2. #172
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Struggling

    Stop! You are spiralling Buster. It's a check up at this stage and more than likely something your partner wants to do to ease her worry. Keep occupied and hopefully you will be so tired you will flop into a sleep tonight. Most importantly, don't let your partner see your anxiety over this. Go walk the dog or blitz the garage, anything but pace up and down with head in your hands. x

  3. #173
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Struggling

    Can you imagine how your partner would feel if she thinks you have written her off before she's even had the mammo? I would absolutely hate that if I were in her position (and I have been). I always go to any tests by myself because I just want to get on with it and not deal with anyone else's anxiety.

    Don't think about yourself and a life without her..Think about supporting her and helping her manage her anxiety until she gets her results. She'll probably be on edge and pretty irritable until she does know more and the waiting is the worst bit.

  4. #174
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    I 100% agree with what you have both said and I am keeping most of my anxiety to myself , if I get upset I disappear to get myself together, trouble is it’s like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking, I can’t control my thoughts, I desperately want to be there for her but like you Pulisa she usually prefers to go alone , and so do I if anything is wrong with me .
    Im just so ground down from everything else that we dealt with this last year .
    I need a slap and someone to say get your shit together.
    Thanks .

  5. #175
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    Re: Struggling

    Don't write her off. Thoughts are just thoughts not facts.

  6. #176
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    I used to love taping the top 40 Nora with the quick adjustments of a rewind when the DJ came in a little too soon and a muttered swear word from me trying to get the next one in without missing the too much
    I started off by sticking my portable cassette player next to my portable radio lol. I thought all my Christmases had come at once the day I was allowed to use my dad's Hi-Fi because this meant that I could use the 'fade' option to get rid of the DJ's voice.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  7. #177
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    Im really struggling now the day of the mammogram is getting closer and I can see my partner has gone from what ever to I’m sure I have it , if she’s worried and she doesn’t normally worry about her health then it makes me worry more , I feel physically sick and tearful from when I wake to when I go to sleep at night , it seems there is a constant bombardment on tv of people with cancer , it feels like a ticking time bomb and we’re just waiting for it to go off , I can feel okay for a short while when people say she will be okay , the doubt sets in and completely takes over , what if what if what if , I’ve been with her for so long I can’t imagne a life without her , now the kids have left and my parents are gone she’s my life , we had plans of a life at the coast but come Friday this could all change , or it could be good news and put things into perspective, I can’t sleep , eat or work right now my head is not on the job , I’m getting upset just writing this but maybe if I get it out this way I can go out with the dogs and not over think for a while .
    The problem is that you have HA and this means that you presume your wife has cancer (minus a diagnosis) and you're constantly time travelling to a fearfully imagined future but the reality is that you do not know. I've known many women have breast issues that required urgent mammograms but none of them turned out to be cancer..

    Your partner is bound to feel anxious over this and this is why you must put your own issues secondary and be the supportive partner she needs you to be.

    Ask yourself what you would expect of your partner if this kind of thing was happening to you? How would you cope with her anxiety as well as your own?

    Turn this around and see it from a different angle?
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  8. #178
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: Struggling

    I do torture myself with worst case scenarios for all of my family some of which have come true but more haven’t , we had a doc say our daughter wasn’t going to make it through the night after her overdose but eight years on she’s still here and my partner has survived heart attacks , pneumonia so many times , overdoses and all sorts of health conditions, I have to tell myself that we have been lucky in ways , she had a cry this morning saying how scared she is and that she must be a bad person and deserves it , I reassured her this isn’t the case and that she’s loved by all of us , I’ve sent her a nice text to say how much she is loved so she can read it when she feels that she deserves to be ill , she said she thought I’d be freaking out worse and appreciates me being there so I must be hiding how I feel okay .
    Some days I wish I knew someone on my dog walk I could talk to about real things instead of the weather and how you or dogs shit was that morning .
    She wants to go straight to the flat after her appointment tomorrow, I know nothing will be done tomorrow except a biopsy if there is something and they write to you within two weeks ( yeah they still write apparently) , we can afford to go and I can put my work on hold , I’ve got to tell my mind no one is dying tomorrow so we should still try and enjoy some time , she’d be happier there I know .
    Right I’ll take carnations advice and get a bit of work done , the sun is out and its my favourite time of year not too hot or cold .
    Thank you x

  9. #179
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    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Struggling

    I think it's a very good idea to go to the coastal property Buster.

  10. #180
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Struggling

    She must be going to the breast clinic tomorrow then, Buster? Not just for a routine mammogram screening? If this is so then they will do any test needed on the day.

    I agree that it would be good for both of you to go to the coast afterwards.

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