Struggling

[NoraB]

Your chap probably does look at other women like we all do but it doesn’t mean we’re shopping

We all look B. It's not the looking that bothers me. Let's just say that my past is the issue here..

she has been through so much as a child , loss and abuse but she didn’t turn to crack or drink she had kids and looked after them probably a bit too well .

Interesting. I haven't seen this abuse thing with your Mrs until now and suddenly it's all making a LOT more sense to me!

Abuse, whether it be mental, emotional or physical leaves it's mark in the psyche. If the trauma is not addressed then it will be suppressed but that means that it's going to come out some other time, and in all kinds of ways..

today my partner told me something and it is troubling me but I’m desperately trying not to freak out and ruin things , maybe tmi but one of her nipples has gone inward ,it came up because of Sarah Harding’s death , I guess this can be something or nothing , it hasn’t gone red or any leakage but it’s there and needs looking at , she said it’s been like it a few months .

All changes with breasts need looking at but they're rarely cancer..

For twenty years since my dad died I’ve been around just females , mum ,daughters , granddaughter, partner , but I still have no idea about most women’s problems , it’s like a secret society and men are not allowed in or told anything.

Not in our house lol

[Carnation]

Tell your partner I had that for a while. No idea why but it righted itself. I couldn't help thinking the cause was due to the lack of arousal which would make sense. But obviously she should see a Dr if she is concerned.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Hey Busta, chin up buddy. I'm a sucker for posting my relationship issues here. I end up deleting my posts.

Hi all , it’s been a while , since losing my mum last year ive been struggling more than ever to keep my head above water , i plod on each day just going through the motions but I feel dead inside , I have no idea where to turn for any help or if it’s even available , since lockdown last year it seems you an call your invisible GP and all you get is a message saying don’t come to the surgery, I’m not great with waiting for phone consultations and I guess any mental health help would be by phone , I’ve thought about ringing the Samaritans many times but what can they do ? .

It can feel like a hopeless situation when we feel like this and having nowhere to turn. But remember that the way you are feeling is temporary. You are learning new experiences and adjusting to the changes in life. Are you on your medications and taking them as advised?

It was pointed out I shouldn’t post my relationship problems on a public forum or the way I feel when I hit rock bottom which I do agree it’s not the place , I don’t know if my mental state and lack of sleep is making me paranoid or I’m being gaslighted into thinking it’s all in my head and I’m being over sensitive and needy , i really don’t know what’s real anymore .

It's ok. You want somebody to talk to, and listen to you and hear your feelings. I've felt like this a lot mate.

[QUOTE[Am I expecting too much from life to have dreams , hope , happiness and passion ? I’ve just taken a gamble on taking on an apartment at the coast as I’ve been doing well work wise but already I have doubts thinking is was a costly mistake and I will just take all the problems with me when we go and feel more isolated.[/QUOTE]

You're holding down a job too? Damn, well done. That's a heck of an achievement Buster.

Follow your dreams, work towards them. I feel this is our purpose in life and is an important part of finding oneself. You're a free man Buster with a job. Do you know how many men don't have that freedom and are still living in broken relationships? I've read your posts many times and in my observation you was tormented with your relationship and the problems that came with it.

Apparently it’s farthers day today and three in the morning I can’t sleep laying here alone and feeling tearful like many other nights , partner sleeps downstairs most nights because she’s in pain or our old dog needs her , in my head it’s to get away from me , my daughters will probably pop round and I’ll have to fake being happy that make them happy .
I just want to stop over thinking everything and enjoy life but I don’t know how .
Sorry for the depressing moan I have tried to miss out all the gory details of how this year has been so far .
So is there help ? Or just plod on ,man up and stop feeling sorry for myself ?
Thanks x

Buster, I only just realized this is an older post. I was at my moms after my relationship broke down when you write this. I remember because it was fathers day and my son didn't call me which upset me.

These things take time to heal from so you do have to "ride it out" to an extent. It definitely gets easier.

What helped me was:

* Comedy
* Vegging out ton movies
* Sleep, lots of it
* Gaming
* Posting on here
* Posting on Reddit's /r/relationships
* Haribo, for when I couldn't eat
* Exercise (makes you feel more confident and healthier)

Hope you're ok Buster.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Hi all , feeling shite again , on the face of it I should be happy , work has been good for the last 18 months ,we have a roof over our heads and a flat by the sea but things are just shite , we can’t go through a week without a big argument and it starts from nothing , we haven’t been away for the last three weeks as we rented out the flat to get a bit of money back , this week we should be going away but it’s all gone tits up again , I can’t stop obsessing over why she won’t come near me and it causes friction , I know it’s not just the menopause, most of the time she is just distant or angry which makes me feel unwanted useless and ugly , we both had this dream of being happy at the coast and maybe moving there but now I feel I’ve thrown thousands of pounds at something that will go to waste and never make us happy.
I woke up this morning at 4.30 feeling tearful and low , this evening we sat and watched a film together then one comment and all hell broke loose , Ive spent the evening wondering around the town in the dark trying to stop the dark thoughts that are overwhelming me , I know if I try and talk to her it will make things worse .
Everything I used to enjoy and hold dear is gone now I’m just left with all the shit and feelings you don’t want , I can’t sleep , I spend my days in pain and anguish, anything I look forward to gets taken away , I walked to my brothers house tonight because I needed someone to talk me down but I couldn’t bring myself to knock on his door , tearing up again so I’ll stop this depressing post .

Ah, the "trying to make it work", or to better put it the "hoping to make it work" stage.

Always fails unless 2 people are able to see their problems and change.

This is where I'm at Buster. In my case things are going good but I've put in a lot of work to change the issues I had/have.

[Buster70]

Hi all , things have been relatively okay the last few days , after reading your posts ladies I’ve tried to not overthink the inverted nipple thing , I did google it once ( okay twice ) and there are quite a few non serious reasons for it so for now I’ve got to hope that’s the case , my problem is when things are going good I look for tragedy, from past experience its not usually far away .
Nora my partner has been shaped by her childhood and carries it with her , she looked after her dad while he was dying of cancer at ten years old while her mum went out drinking and shagging around , when her dad died her mum went to the pub instead of going to school and telling her , after that it was beatings humiliation and telling her she was evil and saying she should have let her die instead of letting her have Heart surgery at 5 , if she got dressed up her mum would dunk her head in dish water so she couldn’t go out , in her teens her mum sold the house dumped them all and never came back not even letting them know where she was going , as you can imagine she carry’s a few issues with her but she would give you her last penny or last piece of food rather than have something herself , she feels she doesn’t deserve to be happy .
wired inc ,I don’t do meds as such , I had a psychotic break as a result of antidepressants so I’m not a fan , I take Cbd and self medicate with antihistamines to help with sleep , I’m prescribed Amitripilene for back pain and sleep but I don’t take it unless I have to , I’d rather feel everything good and bad than take zombie pills and feel nothing at all , I’ve been there it was no picnic .
This morning I took the dog down the beach , it was a beautiful morning bright blue sky with a morning haze so you couldn’t see where the sea ends and the sky starts ,the vastness of this used to freak me out but now I can see the beauty and don’t question it , I don’t understand it but I don’t understand the washing machine either , the sea was so calm hardly a wave and the sun shimmered sliver sparkles on the water , I walk along the top of the sea wall as a last act of rebellion, it was at this point the beauty was shattered like a pub table full of glasses falling over when my dog crouched down for a morning shite , I reached into my pocket for poo bag and my foot slipped off the edge of the concrete wall down I went like a sack of spuds , knees scrapping down the concrete ( luckily I was wearing shorts so no ripped trousers just skin ) face plant into the sand , so I’ll liken this to my mental health, shit happens , you pick yourself up dust yourself off and carry on which is what I did , picked up the plop climbed back up on the wall and carried on ( limping ) and I’ll do the same tomorrow hoping it’s a better day .
Thanks for now hope you are all doing okay

[BRAMBLE]

hi not managed to read all the posts but read your first one and wanted to say so sorry for your loss..i lost 2 special people this last year too..

Please dont hesitate to call the Samaritans if you need too.They are not just there for anyone suicidal but are also there for anyone just to vent to listen to and help you put things into perspective..Believe me Ive called them a few times over the last year out of lonliness and heartbreak and they have been very supportive...Ive found it helps to just get " it off your chest " and speak out how youre feeling.

Ive also spoken to Cruse a few times too and am waiting to sign up for a 6 week phone call with a regular councellor with them.They do 6 weeks initially and see how you go from there but from my chats to the main telphone line again I have found them very supportive ..Just to be told a lot of how youre feeling is normal helps to make more sense of the situation youre in and how you are struggling..Grief hits us hard and many deal with it in different ways.anxiety and panic for instance are also very common after loss.

[NoraB]

Nora my partner has been shaped by her childhood and carries it with her , she looked after her dad while he was dying of cancer at ten years old while her mum went out drinking and shagging around , when her dad died her mum went to the pub instead of going to school and telling her , after that it was beatings humiliation and telling her she was evil and saying she should have let her die instead of letting her have Heart surgery at 5 , if she got dressed up her mum would dunk her head in dish water so she couldn’t go out , in her teens her mum sold the house dumped them all and never came back not even letting them know where she was going , as you can imagine she carry’s a few issues with her but she would give you her last penny or last piece of food rather than have something herself

These are not just 'a few issues' B. They're enormous mental scars and I imagine she's triggered a lot too?

she feels she doesn’t deserve to be happy .

Abused people often believe they somehow 'asked' for what they got and that they don't deserve to be happy? Physical, mental and emotional abuse like this never leaves you. People carry it around with them, and it's a burden for sure. Someone your wife loved (and who was supposed to love her and keep her safe) treated her very badly and this has a knock-on effect throughout life. It's a trust issue as well, and that means that one mistake or argument can potentially undermine decades of work with being able to trust someone. It brings everything to the surface and this is why reactions can be so out of proportion to the incident which trigged it, you get me?

My heart goes out to your Mrs, and it goes out to you too, but this all makes far more sense to me now...

[Buster70]

Perhaps not clear but I was being sarcastic when I put “she has a few issues “ it’s like saying someone with a severed arm has a mere scratch , even her aunts don’t understand how her mother treated her because abuse is usually kept behind closed doors ,my grandad used to beat my dad and grandma so bad she would end up in hospital but everyone at the pub thought he was great because he bought them drinks , I’m the only one who sees the full extent of how she changes when when triggered , her mood , eyes , body language all completely change it’s like seeing a different person appear, it can be like switching off a light but turning it back on is very gradual and a process has to be gone through first to allow the anger to pass .
Our dog is just killing us , she’s wakes us up every night sometimes after only a couple of hours sleep , I’ll miss her when she’s gone but Christ what I’d give for just one night without nightmares and the dog scratching at the door .

[NoraB]

I’m the only one who sees the full extent of how she changes when when triggered , her mood , eyes , body language all completely change it’s like seeing a different person appear, it can be like switching off a light but turning it back on is very gradual and a process has to be gone through first to allow the anger to pass .

My husband has said similar things..

Our dog is just killing us , she’s wakes us up every night sometimes after only a couple of hours sleep , I’ll miss her when she’s gone but Christ what I’d give for just one night without nightmares and the dog scratching at the door .

I get this too B. I had a rescue dog who had phenomenal separation anxiety..

Is your dog in pain? Is that why she's not sleeping well?

[Buster70]

My older dog has always been a pain in the arse , she’s got us up since day one but now it’s ridiculous like having a baby , every couple of hours then I can’t get back to sleep , I’m so tired every day I keep eating just to give me some strength to work , at 15 I’d guess all dogs are in some pain but I don’t think it’s that , even if you sleep downstairs with her she’ll still wake you up , if we let them both upstairs they just trample all over you then push you out of bed so same result no sleep , right now I just don’t have the patience.
Were back home today , partner hasn’t felt well for four days rushing to to bog , she didn’t want to come home but I’ve got work piling up and people ringing me to collect stuff or they’ll sell to someone else , she’s booking a mammogram as she’s had a letter for one a few times .
It feels like the weight of the world is on me with no escape and no respite.
Ill give you guys a break from my moaning as it must be getting on your tits by now , see you later and thanks .