Struggling

[Buster70]

I’m just worrying myself sick now , my mums sisters died from it and it was heart breaking to see ,my partners social worker has it and a school friend of hers died from it two years ago , this last year has been a nightmare of problems one after another , some have turned out okay and others not , I can’t help the way I’m feeling now , constantly being reminded is making me spiral and I just don’t know how to put the brakes on , tomorrow is a year since my mum died so want to spend some time with my brother .
Even after Friday there could be up to a two week wait to find out results .
I do appreciate your input , I haven’t read much on the forum lately but I guess you lot have problems you are going through too , it’s good of you to try and help others , I will try and catch up on what’s going on with people on here but right now my brain is mush
Thanks x

[Buster70]

I should stop thinking of myself , how is your son doing Pulisa and how are you ? , how are you doing Carnation are you getting out on your own and have you cracked driving again yet ? It’s the only bloody thing that doesn’t worry me maybe being in a metal box makes me feel safe and in control , how are you doing Nora ? You make a joke of things but like me it’s a way of coping with the crap life has dealt us , Catkins I don’t know what brought you to this place but I guess it wasn’t boredom in lockdown I’m sure you have a storey I don’t know yet you have given your time to me who you don’t known from Adam , I might even be Adam , weird as I typed that someone said Adam on Silent witness , how is Fish doing now with his Dad and partner problems ? Hopefully okay , and Pample ? So many people I’ve come across on here most I haven’t mentioned and we all have a story of why we’re here , I do wonder what people look like ? I could walk past any of you and not know , you’d know me because I wear a t shirt saying “STRAIGHT OUTTA RAMPTON “ I actually do .
Again thanks and really do hope you lot are doing more than okay .

[fishman65]

Hi Buster. We have often said our lives feel as though they run parallel with each other. Because I'm dreading a mammogram that Mrs F has scheduled for Monday 27th. It makes me wonder if they're sending out letters for routine screening? Anyway I'm getting a lot of anxiety over it too, so maybe we can panic together.

I've seen the famous people lately with breast cancer, poor Sarah Harding and now Julia Bradbury. And Mrs F lost a good friend in August even though she was 80. Having said all that, we have to ignore what others have/have not got and concentrate on our own situations. Does your partner have any symptoms of breast cancer? Does she check herself? Because this is what's relevant to our partners, not what is happening elsewhere. I'm good at dishing out advice, now I just need to follow it myself.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is on 28th September, the day after. Perhaps that is a good omen for us both. Hang in there mate, we can get through this.

[Buster70]

Hi Fish , they have been sending out routine mammogram appointments so you more than likely have nothing to worry abou it’s just a check up ,my partners was booked by her because one of her nipples has gone inverted which she didn’t know was a sign of cancer so it ignored until she saw it on tv , there are other reasons for it so we’re trying to cling to that hope but you know what it’s like when you mind grabs hold of something negative.
Today is the anniversary of the day we got together but also the day my mum died a year ago so not much of a celebration but I’ve decided after this year I will just remember her on her birthday not the horrible day she died , I’m going to her ashes today to let off a balloon, if I leave flowers the council bin them they’ve told me not to leave flowers in a nature reserve and I had a big bust up with them last year .
Right time to get up and plod on , take care matey .

[NoraB]

how are you doing Nora ? You make a joke of things but like me it’s a way of coping with the crap life has dealt us ,

I tend to up the ante with the humour when I feel shite B. As you say, it's my way of coping..

Just had a butt-clenching week with my DIL (or as good as) being hospitalised with covid. She's due to give birth in 4 weeks so it's been a very stressful time, as you can imagine? But she's back home now. They looked after her in hospital and she and my granddaughter are both doing fine. Yay!

I'm off to my son's school review this morning and seeing as we had the 'he's become very disruptive in class' phone call earlier this week, I'm not looking forward to it. I always feared that his progress in specialist school would falter around this time in his life because puberty was a massive pain in my @rse too but we'll see what they have to say. Dude got into a fight with some older NT kids a couple of weeks ago too - which we saw on video - and it wasn't pleasant viewing so all is not well with my son at the moment, but we'll try and sort things out for him..

Fibro's kicking my @rse on a daily basis. I did some 'light' housework yesterday and by 7pm I was on the codeine because every part of my body was sore and I had a migraine..

Aside this crap? I'm sound mate. We went to the shops at the weekend and I got me a Pearl Jam T shirt to add to my collection.

[Catkins]

Excellent choice Nora. They did their first concert in 3 years at the weekend - I've watched bits of it on FB.

[Carnation]

I'm still plodding on Buster. Good days, bad days, neither good or bad days. The main thing is I'm still going. Drove the car a couple of times but need to wholeheartedly get back into it. Going out to face the world much more now, whether that's pleasurable or not I'm doing it.

[Buster70]

There are worse ways of dealing with stress than humour some people would go out get drunk and punch a dwarf ( apologies if you’re on the short side ) Pearl Jam great band for blowing out the cobwebs , I love my rock music of any type and was lucky enough to see a lot of bands before I went mental , now I just fill an mp3 with music nicked off YouTube and plug it in the van , I’m that guy you see in traffic singing my heart out , badly, recently I popped in the attic at the coastal flat to be nosey , I went through a previous tenants stuff , there was an old MP3 player and diary , I stuck a battery in and some head phones and his taste was similar to mine lots of early punk and rock music , it really cheered me up , okay on reading the diary and realising he wrote it in prison not so much but he did say he loved his girlfriend a lot , a couple of old songs that really bring back my youth were The undertones Teenage kicks and Stiff little fingers Gotta get away , me and buddy used to play this after work on a Friday and pack a sleeping bag a few beers and get on a train off somewhere for an adventure and just sleep rough , can you imagine doing that now ?
Im at the stage where it’s my grandkids to look out for , my grandson hit an older lad with a scooter last week who was picking on him but given this lad is about 4 years older I said good lad don’t let people pick on you but don’t pick on others either .
Trying to keep busy if I let my mind wonder it goes to a dark place .
Catch up later .

[NoraB]

I’m that guy you see in traffic singing my heart out , badly, recently I popped in the attic at the coastal flat to be nosey , I went through a previous tenants stuff , there was an old MP3 player and diary , I stuck a battery in and some head phones and his taste was similar to mine lots of early punk and rock music , it really cheered me up , okay on reading the diary and realising he wrote it in prison not so much but he did say he loved his girlfriend a lot , a couple of old songs that really bring back my youth were The undertones Teenage kicks and Stiff little fingers Gotta get away , me and buddy used to play this after work on a Friday and pack a sleeping bag a few beers and get on a train off somewhere for an adventure and just sleep rough , can you imagine doing that now ?

I LOVE stuff like this!!

I have what I've titled, 'Soundtrack to an Autistic Life' on my phone. They're currently only 442 songs on there so I've a way to go yet but there's everything on there from classical music to punk rock and every track means something to me. Maybe somebody will find my phone one day and play my list thinking, 'Damn, this human had great taste in music!

Also on my list is that underrated ditty from the 80s, Captain Sensible's 'Wot', and my personal anthem - Nervous Breakdown by King Kurt. That was an interesting conversation with the parents when I asked 'Santa' for Big Cock, I can tell you!

And also the song I've dedicated to my husband - You're in Love With a Psycho by Kasabian.

I found some old CD compilations I made from when my marriage went tits up. Bands like Shinedown, Evanescence, and Linkin Park on there. Dark (albeit great) music for a dark time. They tell a story all of their own..

I also have in my possession a cassette tape which was made sometime in the mid-to late seventies. My dad's singing, and he actually had a decent voice! Mum's telling one of my brothers off, (standard) and I'm singing along with my dad to Max Bygraves. It's a total CRINGEFEST to hear little me's voice squeaking away but it's so lovely to hear my parent's voices from a time when they were young (ish)

I also have a tape that my nan made in the early 80s..

Side A (for my mum & dad) has an album playing at 45rpm which means that Jim Reeves sounds remarkably like 'Pinky & Perky' and Side B (for me and my brother) has nowt on it because Nan obviously forgot to take it off pause, bless her. There's just a bit at the end of the tape from my nan saying, 'I hope you enjoyed the music. Bye for now'.

On having a clear-out yesterday, I found another tape which my aunty & uncle made. It's titled 'The Royal Wedding Special' (1981). These pair loved their whiskey so this could all go downhill really quickly. I have no idea what's on it but I hope to God they're not doing Charles and Di impressions (but it's highly likely knowing those two)

There's one cassette tape that I wish I still had though, and that's the one that I taped the Top 40 on week after week until it wore out. Aside the songs I liked, there was the sound of the loo being flushed, mum shouting us for our tea, and the occasional 'WILL YOU TURN IT DOWN!' from my dad.

As it is, I can't listen to Kate Bush's 'Wuthering Heights' without hearing this..

Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy.
I'm so cold (YOU PAIR. GET DOWNSTAIRS FOR YOUR TEA. NOOOOOOOOOW!!!)
Ooh it gets dark, it gets lonely..

[Carnation]

I used to love taping the top 40 Nora with the quick adjustments of a rewind when the DJ came in a little too soon and a muttered swear word from me trying to get the next one in without missing the too much while I fumbled about with the rewind and fast forward. Sadly they have gone into the big wide world of underground waste.
But I too still have a tape recorded when I was around 12 on Christmas Day with my dad shouting out to my mum about smelling burnt toast at the same time telling off for breaking a bracelet I just received as a Christmas present. Oh, happy days, they weren't. So have no idea why I keep it.