Struggling

[fishman65]

Hi Buster, I'm really sorry you're going through this mate but glad you have somewhere by the coast. That's been your dream for a long time hasn't it. Every time I go to type something a ******* fruit fly flits past me trying to get at my kiwis. Has anyone noticed how common they are this summer? I probably shouldn't eat so much fruit.

My daughter has a box full of LFTs on account of her working in Spar but I've never used one. But yes I'm happy you've found somewhere, a sea breeze would be very welcome right now. Take care buddy.

[fishman65]

If it's padded it would suit me today...

Not a good day Pulisa?

[pulisa]

Keep your kiwis well protected, Fishman!! Those pesky flies love the hairy bits!!

Grim day for me so was good to read about Buster's seaside bolthole. I've always fancied owning a beach hut. It will never happen but I love the look of them.

Why shouldn't we have some good things happen to us without a bad thing happening to wipe the smile off our faces? Buster, it's such a positive thing to happen to you. You now have a holiday home as well so a man of properties!! You also have a project to get your teeth into.

[Catkins]

Pre this last 18 months/2 years I felt fortunate that I'd had bad times because I really felt that without them I wouldn't appreciate the good times I had half as much as I did. Obviously that philosophy has been sorely tested this last few months, I am at some point hoping to get back to a more rosie view of things.

Although for now I think we all deserve a break from any kind of shit. A life with no drama is very appealing.

[NoraB]

I've a shit week. Shit week with pain. Shit week with anxiety. Shit week with my Morrison's order (seven subs? wtf!)

Anyway...

I was sitting on my sofa early one morning this week - after one of my nocturnal panic attacks - and I was feeling the oh so familiar feeling of despair and 'I can't take another bloody day of this shit!' -type of thing when I became aware of the colour of the living room and then I looked out of the window and saw the pink and blue sky and the backdrop of the moors as the sun was rising..

..and it was beautiful..

Having a panic attack is unpleasant - more so when it's around 4am and everybody else is asleep, including the dog! But in that moment I felt as if someone was putting on a show just for me? And I was actually glad that there wasn't anybody there to spoil the moment? Despite my exhaustion and despair - or maybe because of it - I was reminded of everything that's good in life and suddenly it didn't feel so bad to be alive, you know?

And something else? Hope.

And it's moments like these that matter, Buster..

If we wait for the planets to align and for everything to be 'perfect' - for us to feel well and everyone around us be well - then we will never appreciate the happy moments we do have.

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences (good and bad) that happen to us and around us. If we never experienced the shit, how could we ever appreciate what happiness is? There would be nothing to compare it to, you get me?

I've learned to accept that happiness, for me, is moments like watching the sunrise. It's holding my grandson. It's hearing the word, 'Mummy'. It's walking the dog and have that beautiful old girl look at me with opaque eyes which are full of love (and also hope for a Bonio or three)

It's standing on a carpark in darkest Exmoor in the middle of winter and looking up at the stars in all their glory and understanding how lucky I've been to be part of something so mind-blowingly spectacular that my human brain cannot even perceive 90% of it.

I beat some serious odds to get here Buster, and so did you my friend. On the day (or night) that our respective parents got jiggy with each other, possibly with some Barry White on the record player and a bottle of Blue Nun - we fought to survive and we've been fighting ever since. This is life. This is what it means to be alive..

When you walk your dog on the prom and feel happy? These are the moments which will carry you through the challenging times and all you have to do is to recall them and keep them at the forefront of your mind. Have somebody take a photograph of you walking the dogs in your favourite place and keep it where you can see it. This visual reminder will help you to think of something that makes you happy on those difficult days..

If I was to die tomorrow, I can say that I've known happiness - despite the challenges that life's thrown my way..

Up until the age of five, I was always happy. I was a happy child. Happier than a seagull with a chip! And I remember that. Then I started school and it all went tits up from day one and since then happiness has come in moments, rather than hours, days, weeks or years and I can choose to feel cheated out of what I had for those first few years or I can appreciate that quality matters more than quantity and watching sunrises, being with my hound, and being with my kids and grandson? That's quality.

Do you know? I've come over like 'totes emosh'?

It's time I buggered off I think?

We're all rooting for you Buster. You seem like a really nice human being to me and even though I am socially inept, and a bit mad, you are someone I'd like to know? So have a hug on me (I don't give these out willy nilly ya know)

[Carnation]

Buster, we go back quite a few years and we probably know more about each other than our own family.
But each time you get through and rise stronger. You are a fighter and seeker of good life and that is a good sign.
I always think there's a reason why stuff happens to us in life and it could be to save us from a far worse outcome, even though it might seem dire at the time.
Shit day can be booted as the sun goes down, holdbacks can give you time to maybe rethink a situation and make you stop doing something that may cause you more grief.
I think your coastal pad sounds amazing Buster. You need something to 1. Get your skills and imagination flowing. 2. To chill. And there you have both.
I'd like to know you too Buster, but hey I do and we joked about meeting up at an auction, but who knows, maybe we will one day.
In fact I'd like to know all you folks on here because we a particular thing in common and somehow we manage to help others too and that's my kinda person. A sense of humour thrown in makes it my ideal person.
Pulisa I'm sorry you had a shit day and you probably chalk it up with all the other shit days. And still your thoughts are to make a nice day out for your daughter or getaway for the both of you. And I so adore your tea ritual and shows that you are still in there amongst all the shite of the day. x
Nora, you just have a way with words that if it wasn't for your social anx, should be on the stage. You kick more butt than than the Italian football team. x
Fishman, you are like the rock that just won't crumble over the hardest of challenges with great empathy and consideration for others.
And catkins, you are just an amazing lady.
Pamplemousse, I don't know you too well but couldn't leave you out. Anyone else on this thread I've missed, sending you hugs. x
There, I've done the mushy stuff and hope you take all the compliments because we deserve it!!!!
Back to Buster, as it is his thread. You my friend are meant for a long life of adventure and experiences so don't you let your brain tell you otherwise. You do what is right for you because you have to live with that choice. And one more thing. Welcome back.

[Catkins]

🤗🤗

[fishman65]

Buster, I hope you don't mind but I thought I'd put a pic of my purple loosestrife on your thread. Maybe in the hope of cheering you up and the other lovely people on this site. Actually it might just give people neck-ache as I'm trying to work out how to get it upright
20210723_152412.jpg

[pulisa]

Beautiful image from any angle, Fishman....Thank you!

[Catkins]

Just lovely!