Suicidal fears

[Delilah11]

I’ve been having suicidal ideation and funnily enough fears about carrying it out.
I speak to my Gp about it and do online cbt courses due to a wait for a proper diagnosis and COVID preventing me going to this course in person.

Im due to get some therapy and counselling when I get an official diagnosis which could take months I’ve been waiting for almost 3 currently.
My doctor won’t prescribe me antidepressants because I’m too young but I’m almost 20 and getting medicine is LITERALLY the only reason why I’m holding on.
Does anyone have any good tips for suicidal ideation I’ve searched the web and I’m not liking what I’m seeing I wonder if anyone has experienced the same thing?
I’m currently home alone and this is when I feel most vulnerable.

Thank you❤️

[AntsyVee]

Journal and talk to someone. Do NOT let these thoughts just sit there and swirl in your head.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/fee...idal-thoughts/

[Delilah11]

Thank you antsy❤️❤️❤️
I do journal and talking does help a bit for me😊

[Simonsays64]

Keep doing what you're doing Delilah, you're a very strong person. Just make sure you let all those thoughts out when they come, be it a journal or on here, they'll only get worse if you leave them bottled up. Really glad to hear you're doing CBT, I hope it has the results you want it to have. Best of luck to you 😊

[Fishmanpa]

Journal and talk to someone. Do NOT let these thoughts just sit there and swirl in your head.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/fee...idal-thoughts/

I second this. It's vital you pick up the phone and speak to someone... Please.....

Positive thoughts

[Delilah11]

Thanks Simon your message means a lot to me.
I’m mostly ruminating on the possibility of me seriously harming myself which is very scary I held a bottle of bleach near to my mouth today to see if I could do it I felt as though I could but didn’t feel sad enough strangely.
So I’m feeling very overwhelmed but also tired of all of this you know?

[Fishmanpa]

Thanks Simon your message means a lot to me.
I’m mostly ruminating on the possibility of me seriously harming myself which is very scary I held a bottle of bleach near to my mouth today to see if I could do it I felt as though I could but didn’t feel sad enough strangely.
So I’m feeling very overwhelmed but also tired of all of this you know?

Journal and talk to someone. Do NOT let these thoughts just sit there and swirl in your head.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/fee...idal-thoughts/

I second this. It's vital you pick up the phone and speak to someone... Please.....

Positive thoughts

[pulisa]

Drinking bleach is an extremely painful way to severely damage your oesophagus, Delilah. I'm very glad you couldn't go through with it.

Please try and talk to someone tonight.

[pav1984]

I second this. It's vital you pick up the phone and speak to someone... Please.....

Positive thoughts

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen

Please speak to someone. Others have given you links and there is one here too that may help. Please don't wait, talk to someone. If you feel comfortable doing so, could you keep this post updated and mention resources, phone numbers etc that you find useful? You may be helping someone else by doing so and people will know that you are safe and well.

Virtual love and hugs

[Delilah11]

To respond to pulisa, yes I know drinking bleach could be very painful but it’s the fact that it’s liquid form makes it look like it would go down smooth idk that’s my logic but I won’t do it anyway sometimes I get a curious urge just to do it and see what all the fuss is about but I know I would be making a grave mistake.

And fishman
I have spoken to my friends and one in particular is going through a similar thing and she is VERY supportive so I’m glad about that she said I should try everything I can to help myself get better and she is going to help me along the way.

I’ll let you guys know how I’m progressing in my life.