Suicidal fears

[BlueIris]

Thanks, Delilah. Sorry I couldn't respond yesterday.

Please take care of yourself?

[NoraB]

yes I know drinking bleach could be very painful but it’s the fact that it’s liquid form makes it look like it would go down smooth idk that’s my logic but I won’t do it anyway sometimes I get a curious urge just to do it and see what all the fuss is about but I know I would be making a grave mistake.

Please don't. Bleach is a corrosive - need I say more?

Just get some help lovely. X

[Delilah11]

Thanks, Delilah. Sorry I couldn't respond yesterday.

Please take care of yourself?

I missed you blue❤️❤️
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me

[Delilah11]

Yeah I’m definitely staying away from bleach unless it’s to clean but even then the sight of it is very triggering to me so I do this thing where I pick it up and test to see if I feel an urge which is stupid but I also have pure ocd that makes me do this.

Thank you for your kind words🙂💕

[Delilah11]

What makes it worse is when I sit and overthink my suicidal fears which is easy for me to do because I overthink a lot due my ocd and severe anxiety but I force myself on days or make myself busy with other things.
I agree with someone on here that said not letting the thoughts build up as it just makes you worse.

[BlueIris]

I missed you blue❤️❤️
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me

Missed you, too!

I know all about the intrusive thoughts. They're just thoughts, they can't hurt you ...but it's really tough to have them living in your head the whole time.

You might want to try the free version of the Headspace app, it's what helps me most when I need to start batting the self-harming or suicidal thoughts away.

[pulisa]

Best to get someone to take the bleach away and hide it, Delilah.

[MyNameIsTerry]

That curious urge is like the one to jump off a bridge, Delilah. It's not like the build up of mood to feeling suicidal or the overwhelming emotions leading to self harm. At least not what you seem to be describing.

It's an intrusive thoughts thing. See pencil up pops thought "I could stab myself with that" out of nowhere and then you analyse it and create worry.

It's your mind trying to flag potential risks to protect you. Basically overactive subconscious. Don't react with negatives like worry or needs to protect yourself. It's not a true threat so don't create the need for later protection from it.

That's my take and experience. However you also have past traumas in your life and if it feels like more than thought popping out of nowhere it's worth seeking support even if its nothing they are worried about since we don't know enough about how you are feeling.

Put the bleach down. That will only build a need to be afraid you will react. Therapists may have you touch the bottle to create new thoughts that are positive that reinforce your controls but that's only one method and best left judged to them. It's just as effective to not build a fear by changing your reaction upstream from handling it. And try not to fear handling it either as it will just build more mistrust in yourself which is a big part of OCD. Learn to say "meh, I'm not bothered" whether it just comes to you or if you are using bleach for a normal reason. It will stop bothering you eventually.

So don't get sucked into a "testing" ritual.

Look up "Backdoor Spike" which might give you some more info on this in OCD. It's common and confusing but logically it's something we all experience through recovery as we start to change our reactions.

[Delilah11]

Yes intrusive thoughts are the worst ughhhh but I hope things get easier for me to handle internally.

I will check out the headspace app I always see their adverts on YouTube haha

[Delilah11]

Best to get someone to take the bleach away and hide it, Delilah.

It’s going to be hard to do this but I think I know just what to do