Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

[MrLurcher]

Bit of a random thread. As the title says, my partner constantly changes furniture and rooms around. Swapping units from the bedrooms and living rooms around often.

She has also removed pretty much all the picture frames and paintings from the walls so we are left with basically plain rooms.

I know this is a bit petty of me, but it's causing me quite a bit of stress. I like having a homely house, and for some reason she's turning into a sterile environment - ruining rooms.

She says she's 'fed up of clutter' yet she's gone and bought a huge guinea pig cage which has completely taken over and spoilt our living room - I don't even want to sit in there anymore.

It's no longer feeling like my home because she's deconstructed everything - even removed rugs from the bedrooms! We now have a cupboard in the spare bedroom full of rugs and picture frames. It's just all a bit bizarre.

She emptied my clothes from drawers we had in the bedroom and shoved them into the built in cupboards because she wants a minimal bedroom.

I've tried to tell her that I liked the house the way it was, but she just tells me to stop controlling her life and that she's only doing this because I 'complain about the mess all the time'.

She's wasted a small fortune on constantly buying different storage boxes and containers to chop and change how the kids toys and stuff gets stored. The attic now has a nice stack of unused boxes because she keeps changing them.

Sorry, this is just a venting thread, but I'm at my wits end.

[pulisa]

I can't really comment on the guinea pig cage because I have 2 hutches in what used to be the dining room!

Maybe she's trying to 'limit the amount of cleaning and dusting she has to do by putting stuff in cupboards and boxes? I know I do. If I can't see the stuff I feel better.

Do you do much to help her with daily chores, Mr L?

[MrLurcher]

I can't really comment on the guinea pig cage because I have 2 hutches in what used to be the dining room!

Maybe she's trying to 'limit the amount of cleaning and dusting she has to do by putting stuff in cupboards and boxes? I know I do. If I can't see the stuff I feel better.

Do you do much to help her with daily chores, Mr L?

I don't mind the older cage, but this one is massive and we've had to remove one chair which is now in the kitchen looking out of place.

Yes, I do a lot of chores! I do 95% of the hoovering, as well as doing the washing up (dishwasher has broken). I'm the one that always hoovers and washes the cars. I put clothes in the wash, put them away etc. Dinner and packed lunches shared. Her main chores are usually cleaning the guinea pigs and chickens out.

Regarding cleaning and dusting, she mentioned that as a reason, but she hasn't dusted for years!

She has been talking about moving house the past few months, so I suspect that's the reason behind all this pal-lava - she's now unsettled here and trying to make things suit.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Could this be a stress response? Does she have any past issues with OCD or Perfectionism?

[MrLurcher]

Could this be a stress response? Does she have any past issues with OCD or Perfectionism?

Not sure about stress, she has just started her own business and found that quite stressful, so maybe.

Regarding OCD and perfectionism, most certainly.

I used to think she had a shopping addiction, but a therapist I saw a few years ago said she sounds like a 'trophy shopper', which is basically someone who shops around for ages and spends an OTT amount of money on a 'perfect item'. I've encountered this issue with trying to buy a new dishwasher recently. We had a budget of about £350, yet she spent days researching and looking online at the 'perfect' dishwasher, and in the end started looking at models around £600-£800. Absurd amount of money for something that cleans dishes. However I would also say she has a shopping addiction to some degree, whenever something stressful happens, she buys. She had a tax payout last week, and there's been packages after packages arriving at the house.

I won't even say how much she spent on the new 'luxury' guinea pig cage - the same week that I've had to fork out £200 on car repair bills.

[pulisa]

Why buy a dishwasher when you can do it yourself?

Oh dear...She sounds very high maintenance? Are you ok about a house move? I take it she will want to upgrade to a more spacious family house to include a separate room for the guinea pigs with an adjoining en suite?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Why buy a dishwasher when you can do it yourself?

Oh dear...She sounds very high maintenance? Are you ok about a house move? I take it she will want to upgrade to a more spacious family house to include a separate room for the guinea pigs with an adjoining en suite?

Shh, MrLurcher is probably hoping not to be doing it everyday

I wonder if this has increased recently whether it is a manifestation of the stress she is feeling since she has a history of this? If so, would reducing that stress reduce the compulsion she is feeling? That would normally be the case if it's OCD related.

If it's more another compulsive disorder feeding a need is it papering over something she is struggling with?

The levels of research are familiar to me as I'm like that. Coming from an analytical work background I have to be careful with this. I still do it more than someone more laid back but I'm conscious of saving money in my case. I think this is where she needs to define the brief better so she has the parameters that allow for what is enough without the creeping that can easily occur. Then she needs to accept what is found is enough and that perfect is unrealistic. It's easy to think "but if I check xyz maybe something better will be found" but it can be obsessive and she may not always realise it at first.

If stress has increased this the opposite with be true in that reducing overall levels of stress will reduce it's intensity and make her feel she has more control of it.

I wouldn't be surprised if she also feels themes like Symmetrical Thinking. That need to rearrange sounds, to me, like part of a cycle of behaviour.

[BlueIris]

Terry, I was thinking that too, it sounds as though it must be frustrating for both Mr L and partner.

[MrLurcher]

Why buy a dishwasher when you can do it yourself?

Oh dear...She sounds very high maintenance? Are you ok about a house move? I take it she will want to upgrade to a more spacious family house to include a separate room for the guinea pigs with an adjoining en suite?

No, we've had many arguments about it recently - we only moved 3 years ago because she didn;t like the previous house. She has two horses at her friends' farm where she pays to keep them there (which she can't really afford tbh). She wants to move house to a small 2 bed cottage with land so she can have the horses with her. So yeah, forfeiting a 4 bed spacious house for a tiny 2 bed cottage just to accommodate two horses.

Regarding her stress as well, she blames some of it on me because of the way I am with health anxiety and the fact I'm a grumpy character in general. I can appreciate that because I can be difficult with the worrying, but this spending has been rooted for a long time now. Her mother was quite well off, and she grew up in the mindset that money wasn't an issue. However she doesn't earn a 1/10th of what her mother used to earn, yet she spends like she does.

Whenever she asks me to pay for something, like fill her car up, I do it thinking she hasn't got much money in her account, then packages start arriving at the house. She's constantly in her overdraft.

[MrLurcher]

Shh, MrLurcher is probably hoping not to be doing it everyday

I wonder if this has increased recently whether it is a manifestation of the stress she is feeling since she has a history of this? If so, would reducing that stress reduce the compulsion she is feeling? That would normally be the case if it's OCD related.

If it's more another compulsive disorder feeding a need is it papering over something she is struggling with?

The levels of research are familiar to me as I'm like that. Coming from an analytical work background I have to be careful with this. I still do it more than someone more laid back but I'm conscious of saving money in my case. I think this is where she needs to define the brief better so she has the parameters that allow for what is enough without the creeping that can easily occur. Then she needs to accept what is found is enough and that perfect is unrealistic. It's easy to think "but if I check xyz maybe something better will be found" but it can be obsessive and she may not always realise it at first.

If stress has increased this the opposite with be true in that reducing overall levels of stress will reduce it's intensity and make her feel she has more control of it.

I wouldn't be surprised if she also feels themes like Symmetrical Thinking. That need to rearrange sounds, to me, like part of a cycle of behaviour.

She does have a history of it. She was unhappy in the last house and constantly moved things around, including the garden. I pretty much half re-landscaped the garden in the previous house, only to sell it 3 months later. I spent probably the best part of £1000's between all the projects she wanted to do.

Not sure what Symmetrical Thinking means?

One of our guinea pigs died last week. We didn't discuss the future. In my mind, I would have just kept the one that was left. We rescued them for the children two years ago, but they have very little interest, so I didn't see much point in keeping them while not getting the attention they need. I kept guinea pigs, rabbits and other rodents as a teen/child so I know how to look after them and how much attention they should get. However when I brought up the idea of just keeping the one, she said she'd just bought a new bigger cage and will be rescuing another one! I didn't mind too much, but the cage has cost a small fortune, including new plush bedding and houses - it's madness!! We never spent such silly money when we had pets growing up - they had a run, some toys, fed well, and were happy animals.