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Thread: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

  1. #11
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    To be fair, keeping single guinea pigs is cruel - it's actually illegal in certain countries, I think?
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  2. #12
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your guinea pig. I hope he/she passed peacefully and it's obvious from what you say that they had a loving home.

    Symmetrical Thinking is tied closely to Perfectionism. It's a theme in OCD where the person feels a strong pull to arrange things neatly, in symmetrical ways and needs to feel it's "just right" or the cycle can keep going.

    In your HA where you absolutely need that 101% answer to something, the person feels it must be absolutely perfect within the theme they are suffering. It might not be every item either and be focussed on certain things which take more of an importance to the person or have bothered them more in the past (just as a HAer can focus on one cancer but not another condition).

    With spending there are at least practical steps that can be taken but they will force her to confront her feelings if she can't complete a cycle underpinning this.

    My GF's dad hoards auction items. He would spend until they were in debt, and did at one point, so found his wife taking over financial affairs. It doesn't solve it though.

    I guess the first thing is does she know she's doing It? Even if she hides that understanding? You will understand that denial well, know how hard it is and how you've got to be honest with yourself before recovery can work.

    There is also the possibility of this being driven by impulse. There are other disorders which cover that although I think we can all experience it to some degree just as we can anxiety without it being a separate diagnosis.
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  3. #13
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    I haven't got a lot of experience in this area. But I always remember when I lived at home that my mum would continually be moving furniture around and rearranging things. It was always when she was stressed/anxious, I think it was the need to feel that she was in control of something. Same with moving, she once moved 4 times in 2 years - fortunately it was just her and my stepdad at home by then.

    She's obviously struggling with something.

  4. #14
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    To be fair, keeping single guinea pigs is cruel - it's actually illegal in certain countries, I think?
    In Sweden, I think?

  5. #15
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by Catkins View Post
    I haven't got a lot of experience in this area. But I always remember when I lived at home that my mum would continually be moving furniture around and rearranging things. It was always when she was stressed/anxious, I think it was the need to feel that she was in control of something. Same with moving, she once moved 4 times in 2 years - fortunately it was just her and my stepdad at home by then.

    She's obviously struggling with something.
    Could she be keeping busy to keep her mind off other worries? Spending to make herself feel better temporarily?

  6. #16
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post
    She does have a history of it. She was unhappy in the last house and constantly moved things around, including the garden. I pretty much half re-landscaped the garden in the previous house, only to sell it 3 months later. I spent probably the best part of 1000's between all the projects she wanted to do.

    Not sure what Symmetrical Thinking means?

    One of our guinea pigs died last week. We didn't discuss the future. In my mind, I would have just kept the one that was left. We rescued them for the children two years ago, but they have very little interest, so I didn't see much point in keeping them while not getting the attention they need. I kept guinea pigs, rabbits and other rodents as a teen/child so I know how to look after them and how much attention they should get. However when I brought up the idea of just keeping the one, she said she'd just bought a new bigger cage and will be rescuing another one! I didn't mind too much, but the cage has cost a small fortune, including new plush bedding and houses - it's madness!! We never spent such silly money when we had pets growing up - they had a run, some toys, fed well, and were happy animals.

    It's ridiculous, isn't it? Guinea pigs don't need all this fancy stuff. Pet companies are cashing in on the "designer" market. Mine are quite happy living indoors with plenty of room, warm bedding and regular food and fresh water. I don't give them these awful sugary "treats" or buy them small animal "toys". Yes they can tell the time and won't wait for food but that's another story of owner submission! My pigs have got me under their (cavy) thumbs...

  7. #17
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post

    I know this is a bit petty of me, but it's causing me quite a bit of stress. I like having a homely house, and for some reason she's turning into a sterile environment - ruining rooms.
    It's not petty. You are sharing a house and compromises need to be made. You both have to be happy. I struggle massively with this, as it happens because I'm autistic and things have to be visually 'right' for my brain - or I get super-stressed. Luckily for me, Hubs doesn't care what our home looks like and lets me get on with it, but me 'getting on with it' also means that I make sure there are elements of 'him' in every room or I'd feel like a complete control freak!

    When you say 'homely'? Do you mean unsophisticated and unpretentious or cluttered up to shit?

    She says she's 'fed up of clutter' yet she's gone and bought a huge guinea pig cage which has completely taken over and spoilt our living room - I don't even want to sit in there anymore.
    The constant whiff of guinea pig shit while you're watching telly? What's your Mrs thinking?

    It's no longer feeling like my home because she's deconstructed everything - even removed rugs from the bedrooms! We now have a cupboard in the spare bedroom full of rugs and picture frames. It's just all a bit bizarre.
    Check to see if she's recently bought any Marie Kondo or Feng Shui books - though I doubt any such book would advise placing an animal cage in the living room!

    She emptied my clothes from drawers we had in the bedroom and shoved them into the built in cupboards because she wants a minimal bedroom.
    This sounds very Marie Kondo...

    I've tried to tell her that I liked the house the way it was, but she just tells me to stop controlling her life and that she's only doing this because I 'complain about the mess all the time'.
    Hard to make a judgement call on one side of the story Mr Lurcher. You could be Britain's biggest slob for all we know and your Mrs has just reached the end of her patience with your incessant hording of crap. No wait, that was my husband's flat when I met him. 8 trips to the tip? I ask you!

    She's wasted a small fortune on constantly buying different storage boxes and containers to chop and change how the kids toys and stuff gets stored. The attic now has a nice stack of unused boxes because she keeps changing them.
    There's defo a Marie Kondo book around your gaff somewhere...

    Also, check for Mrs Hinch. The woman's a fox but she has no time for clutter and filth!

    Sorry, this is just a venting thread, but I'm at my wits end.
    As I said, I struggle with stuff like this. I should really live alone somewhere remote (but with Tesco delivery service) but I know I can't have everything my own way and share my life with somebody. If I want to change anything I run it past my husband and I make sure he has absolute say over the TV and computers - because they are his passions. I know he lets me do pretty much what I want (I have style innit) but it doesn't feel right for me to simply do it without speaking to him - which is what your Mrs is currently doing..

    I tend to have a clear out when I'm stressed. Is your wife stressed? You say you're at your wits end, but how is she doing mentally? My OCD changed up a few gears when my ex husband had a breakdown. My house reeked of bleach and Flash! This could be a simple case of the Marie Kondo's or it could be masking something a lot bigger, you know?

    Maybe she's at her wits end with something and this is her way of trying to get some control back into her life? If so, I get that vibe..

    A guinea pig in the living room though? I love animals, but that hutch would be relocated pronto tonto if that was me! The lurcher's farts are bad enough - an insidious smell which burns the nostrils - but at least we get respite when she buggers off into her bed in the other room...
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  8. #18
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Sounds like Mr Lurcher's partner has issues with impulsivity.

    Kind of sums up my own mother back in the early 90s.

    I recall her suddenly wanting us to move house willy-nilly and I recall her plucking a seemingly random property out of our local paper and booked a viewing with the local estate agent, which she and my dad went to view one Saturday morning. Said house wasn't any better than the one we already live in, in fact my dad thought it was a bit ropey in general, it only had just one toilet, plus it was in close proximity to one of the worst estates in our borough (which was recently demolished and regenerated), so had my parents opted to go ahead with the move to said property back then nothing would had been gained from it.

    I also recall back in the summer of 1991 whilst we were away on holiday in Cornwall, my mom said she felt rather tempted to start smoking again after having quit 10 years earlier, as she was going through quite a bit of stress at that time due to her work premises changing sites amid major reorganisation, but she relented after I told her I would never speak to her again if she returned to the fags after 10 years of not smoking.

    I also recall her saying she fancied getting a tattoo around that same era, in which I also threatened to disown her if she did, especially as back then (IIRC) tattoos on females were still relatively uncommon, unlike today where they're pretty much ubiquitous (on both sexes), plus I'm generally more tolerant and far less prejudiced against such things now than I was back then, even though I personally still wouldn't want to be seen dead with any 'graffiti' on my own body, which is my own choice, of course.
    My mom didn't get tattooed in the end, plus she doesn't like tattoos herself now, and more anti-smoking now than ever before!

    Sounds like there were elements of 'keeping up with the Jones's' with my mom back then, particularly with the smoking thing, of which road she luckily didn't go back down.

  9. #19
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by Lencoboy View Post

    I also recall her saying she fancied getting a tattoo around that same era, in which I also threatened to disown her if she did
    I wanted a tattoo 20 years ago but my ex told me that I would look 'common' and who would want me with tattoo? He told me to wait another year and if I still wanted one he would 'allow' me the money. So I waited the year, then I showed the controlling SOB the beautiful tattoo I'd had done, and which I still love today.
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  10. #20
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    Re: Partner keeps re-arranging furniture and rooms every other month

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    I wanted a tattoo 20 years ago but my ex told me that I would look 'common' and who would want me with tattoo? He told me to wait another year and if I still wanted one he would 'allow' me the money. So I waited the year, then I showed the controlling SOB the beautiful tattoo I'd had done, and which I still love today.
    Rest assured Nora, I have no beef with you, or any other person with tattoos on their bodies.

    For me, it's what they're like inside that's most important, plus a sizeable proportion of the staff at my day centre are tattooed, and they're amongst some of the nicest people I've ever known.

    I still can't understand those who still suddenly decide to take up smoking willy-nilly in this day and age who previously were lifelong non-smokers, especially in pursuit of 'keeping up with the Jones's'.
    Last edited by Lencoboy; 22-06-21 at 08:16.

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