Re: Genital Warts or something else?
Originally Posted by
Champagnebox
So I really don’t want to upset anyone here, but I feel like I’m not being understood as to how badly I’m actually doing mentally. I can’t help being negative because I’ve sunk lower in my anxiety/OCD spiral than I think I’ve ever been before, because due to COVID and other circumstances, I’m alone 24 hours a day for 4/5 days a week and have been for the past year. I’m not going to apologise for being negative.
also, yes actually I have educated myself on HIV, I know it’s not as bad as it used to be/ there are treatments but i still don’t want to have it?? I’m not going to apologise for being worried about potentially having something as serious as HIV.
the last thing I want to do is argue online with people I don’t know but i am allowed to wallow and be negative. I literally have no one to talk to about my health anxiety in between my counselling appts, I get met with derision and hurtful comments at home about it, so my only outlet is online and I desperately just need someone to understand, but I don’t think this forum is the right one for me. There seems to be a lot of scolding going on for feeling low/negative. I can’t help it.
Champers (forgive me, it's quicker)
I 100% understand how you feel right now.
It's normal to feel low and to be negative, especially when you have numerous MH conditions. I get it, that's me too.. I also have a physical condition. Well, actually I have several, and it all gets too much sometimes - even for me..
I say this as kindly as I possibly can...
It's ok to spend some time on the pity pot. I actually think that's helpful? It certainly is for me. Negativity isn't all bad. But when all we're doing is wallowing in our own negativity, then we need people to encourage us to get out of the hole we're in - not just stand there sympathising while we drown.
When I had my breakdown, I didn't want people to simply sympathise with me. I wanted them to tell me how to get the hell out of the situation I was in, and there are plenty of people on here who can do just that. People just have to be prepared to listen, and make the decision to do whatever it takes to get better.
The time to start fighting back is when you're at your lowest..
Whether it's this forum or somewhere else, there will always be people (like me) who want to help people to get to a better place because we have been where you are (or worse) and managed to get out of the hellhole. We sympathise, empathise and everything else but we know the effort that's involved and that sympathy only goes so far..
Having someone understand how you feel is just that. It's temporary comfort. It will not help you out of the hole. In fact, this can be the very reason that some people stay where they are, because they gain something from it - that something being attention. I'm not saying this is you, but it happens..
So while we're not apologising and all that, I'm not going to apologise for wanting to help people to beat this horrible disorder..
I have apologised to people because of my HA. I apologised to my son for putting him through those trips to A & E at 5am and on Saturdays when he should have been enjoying his life, and I've apologised to myself for ever thinking that I wasn't strong enough to beat this disorder and I overcame a 40 plus year struggle with HA.
If all you want is to be is understood, then there are people on here who will oblige, but those are usually the ones who are still struggling with HA themselves..
However, if you actually want out of the hole you're in, then you need to listen to those who have been there, done the hard work, and are in control (or free from) their health anxiety.
Your last four words?
I can't help it.
You can help yourself. You just have to decide to do so, and work in absolutes so your mind knows you mean business.
Change the defeatist, 'I can't help it' to something more feisty like, 'I am going to beat this'. 'I don't care how long this takes, I will beat this'. 'This is hard, but I will do this'.
Change the internal and external dialogue as much as you can and your body will respond by not releasing those stress hormones which are helping to keep you down!
There is a motivational video on YouTube which helps me on my bad days. Take a look at it...it's called 'When life breaks you'.
We each have a spirit that's greater than anything that's going on around us, and I truly believe that now..
Don't give up on us, and don't give up on yourself. X
__________________
A thought is harmless unless we believe it.