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Thread: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

  1. #21
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    NikNak, the problem is that when you have Health Anxiety, your gut becomes a filthy liar and you can't believe a thing it tells you. Think of it as your own personal Daily Mail if you want; it takes up space in your subconscious and screams "BE AFRAID!" at every single thought that happens to pass through your head.

    It's not ALS, you're not the exception, you need to stop reading medical stuff that you're not qualified to understand and get out there and start living.
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  2. #22
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by niknakx View Post
    This is 100% permeant. I've had some atrophy for at least a year, but it does appear to have become worse recently. I was never worried before because I knew I had a large vein removed, but now I realise it has gradually become worse and the fasciculations have started. I read a medical paper where they have seen instances of the disease which began from a place of trauma. I think this is what it is. My doctor says it is 100% not that I think it is, but I don't believe him. I just can't shake this gut feeling.
    Classic HA.

    Do yourself a favour and stop reading medical papers. People with HA scan read and usually stop at the point which 'fits' with their imaginary diagnosis. And believe me, the HA mind will make it fit!

    Also, with HA, the more we fixate on something, the more we actually start to 'see' things that are not actually there. It's like body dysmorphia?

    Unless you have the necessary qualifications to read and understand medical papers, which are by in large written by physicians for physicians - I suggest that you don't as you are making your HA much worse..
    __________________
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  3. #23
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    Aug 2013
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    24,667

    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Also, with HA, the more we fixate on something, the more we actually start to 'see' things that are not actually there. It's like body dysmorphia?
    Many years ago, I saw a Youtube video of a woman who had HA and a fear of ALS. She was talking about how her hands were shrinking, getting weak etc. She's literally holding them up close to the camera and I swear, there was absolutely nothing there. Her mind had her seeing things Turns out she was a member here. Surprise, surprise right? The same thing goes when you're deep in the lymph node rabbit hole, finding lumps and bumps that are normal bodily anomalies and turning them into a death sentence.

    This thread is a perfect example of the HA pattern that takes place over normal bodily anomalies combined with extreme self-examination behaviors, extreme fixation and the negative mental loop of the rabbit hole.

    FMP
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    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  4. #24
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    103

    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    But this isn’t a case where I am imagining it. My boyfriend and my friend have told me they can also see the sinking skin and they can physically see and feel the muscle fasciculations under the skin. I would love to say to myself that it is all in my head, but in this case, it’s not. It’s really there. I can see it and feel it. I have atrophy and fasciculations and I am so scared.
    My doctors back in the UK said it is all caused by my foot surgery two years ago, but why would the muscles still be twitching after 2 years? Surely they would have stopped by now. I never even noticed it until I was staring at my foot, so I don’t even have a clue how long it’s been doing that. I feel so lost and scared. I want to get out of the rabbit hole, but I can’t shake the feeling about this. I want to get better, but I just keep thinking it’s going to get worse. I see a neurologist on Monday. I’m scared they are going to say something bad, and not be able to tell me everything is okay.

  5. #25
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    Do you want to recover from your anxiety?
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  6. #26
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    May 2017
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    I have beaten my health anxiety twice before. And both times I managed to go about 2 years without a resurgence. It’s just this one thing scares me more than anything else. Everyone around me keeps telling me I am fine and that it’s just anxiety, but I am just so scared I can’t believe anyone. I really hope this neurologist says something to calm me down and explain all this.

  7. #27
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by niknakx View Post
    But this isn’t a case where I am imagining it. My boyfriend and my friend have told me they can also see the sinking skin and they can physically see and feel the muscle fasciculations under the skin. I would love to say to myself that it is all in my head, but in this case, it’s not. It’s really there. I can see it and feel it. I have atrophy and fasciculations and I am so scared.
    I have muscle atrophy. My pulse points and all sorts are way more visible than they used to be. This is because my skin is lacking in collagen and is much thinner. Plump skin hides a lot, trust me!

    You might be seeing something real but that doesn't mean it's what you imagine it to be.

    You've been told what's causing it, yet you continue to go down this road because you have a mental health disorder - health anxiety.

    You only know this is happening (twitches etc) because you are fixated on your body.

    So you're seeing the neurologist on Monday?

    When he/she says there's nothing wrong, what then?
    __________________
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  8. #28
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    May 2017
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    103

    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    I just researched nerves in the foot and I don’t even think the nerve that controls the muscle I am worried about would have even been affected by the surgery. So I don’t understand how the twitching is caused by the surgery.
    If the neurologist can explain what is happening and why. I will listen.

  9. #29
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    Why do you keep on reading about this when you know it makes you more afraid? Can you not see that this is an unhelpful, self-destructive behaviour?

    What happens when the next big worry arises?
    __________________
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    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  10. #30
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    103

    Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.

    I don’t think there will be a next big issue because this will be the one that kills me off.
    I was researching to try and make myself feel better. Believe what everyone was saying, but instead it’s just made me believe people even less. Now I’m even more convinced this is the end.

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