Body Dysmorphia

[Toby2000]

Hi everyone,

I'll just get straight to the point: I think I suffer from body dysmorphia.

I am truly convinced that I am the ugliest person in the world and I hate everything about my appearance. While I think my face from the front looks passable sometimes in selfies, I absolutely despise my side profile. It's the ugliest thing ever. I also hate my weight (I'm not fat but I definitely have weight that I could lose), my nose (I would love to get a nose job when I'm older), my lips, my ears. The only things that I actually "like" about myself are my eyes and hairstyle.

Sometimes I can ruminate about this and spend up to an hour taking photos and videos of myself from all angles to almost reassure myself that I'm not as ugly as I think... but that never works, because I do truly think I'm really ugly.

Any advice?

Thanks so much for reading

[BlueIris]

I'm really sorry, Toby, but I still think you just have way too much time on your hands.

[Toby2000]

I'm really sorry, Toby, but I still think you just have way too much time on your hands.

This body dysmorphia (if that's what it is) is like 60% of the reason why I shut myself off from the outside world so much

[BlueIris]

I think this has happened before with your previous fears.

That said, going to back away now because I don't want to cause any further upset.

[NoraB]

Hi everyone,

I'll just get straight to the point: I think I suffer from body dysmorphia.

I am truly convinced that I am the ugliest person in the world and I hate everything about my appearance. While I think my face from the front looks passable sometimes in selfies, I absolutely despise my side profile. It's the ugliest thing ever. I also hate my weight (I'm not fat but I definitely have weight that I could lose), my nose (I would love to get a nose job when I'm older), my lips, my ears. The only things that I actually "like" about myself are my eyes and hairstyle.

Mother Nature is giving me an @rse kicking with an early menopause. Bear with me!!

I'm 51 and most women are just starting theirs. I'm TEN YEARS POST MENO - which means that my collagen (that what makes ya skin all nice plump) has farked off and left me looking like 'Madge' off Benidorm. Now I have a turkey neck - which seems to have appeared overnight? I'm understanding now why my mother took to looking up so much? I thought she was just going for the 'superior' look, but it seems that she was most likely stretching out the old turkey gobbler for a more streamlined look? Trouble was that my mother's nostrils were not of insignificant proportions. This is a thing in our family and it comes from her side. When we look up, people surrender. You get me? So while Mum was trying to deflect attention from her turkey gobbler, she was creating another issue by constantly flaunting her shotgun nostrils complete with nasal hair!

I don't know how old you are Toby, but I do understand body dysmorphia. I once saw a fat body when, in reality, I was underweight by two and a half stone..

I grew up thinking I was ugly (and a lot of other things) thanks to some hardcore bullying at school and people who claimed to love me. They projected their own self-esteem issues and insecurities onto me and it took me a long time to see that. What I saw in the mirror was hideous, but it wasn't real Toby. I had pictures taken during those times when I considered myself 'ugly' and when I look at those pictures now I see something else? Youthfulness. A cracking smile - that's rare in photographs, but when it's there, my eyes look twinkly! And my eyes are one of my best features because they're odd, like the rest of me.

'Beauty' is subjective and very much a case of being in the 'eye of the beholder'. My husband comes over all Sid James when I wear shorts, even now, whereas I just see two tree trunks with cellulite on them?

Society has a lot to answer for and I'm SO GLAD that 'influencers' in Norway (I think?) now have to disclose, by law, any editing to their selfies. I'm also glad to see adverts that actually show real women with cellulite, flab, skin conditions, scars, tummies, and ageing skin - and looking a-mazing!

I can assure you that you are not seeing yourself as others see you. This is because you have a mental disorder. Everybody on this planet, including those considered to be the most attractive people - have flaws. When you look at an image in a magazine, it's been edited. It's deceptive. Those people look as manky as the rest of when they wake up!

You are preoccupied with your looks, but it's not vanity; it's an illness. You need some help with this. Maybe some CBT to challenge your thoughts about yourself or to find out where this stems from?

You can take as many pictures of yourself as you like but there will always be those unflattering ones. We all have them, and we all have one side which looks better than the other..

I'd be interested to know how you developed this disorder Toby? If it's because you've been bullied in the past, I can assure you that the only real ugliness is the behaviour of those who said mean things to you. If it's because you've fallen for the illusion of beauty in the media, then hopefully we are starting to go in the right direction with this. Don't even think of doing anything to your face or body surgery wise until you've seen a therapist!

By your own admission, you have nice eyes and that's a MASSIVE PLUS! Also good hair? THat makes you the envy of many a bloke for a start! And I'm 100% that you have many other good things that people will envy you for..

The best piece of advice I can give you is this...

Beauty, as in real beauty, comes from within. I've known some very beautiful looking people with very ugly personalities, and personally I go for a nice personality every time..

All the best...

[Toby2000]

Mother Nature is giving me an @rse kicking with an early menopause. Bear with me!!

I'm 51 and most women are just starting theirs. I'm TEN YEARS POST MENO - which means that my collagen (that what makes ya skin all nice plump) has farked off and left me looking like 'Madge' off Benidorm. Now I have a turkey neck - which seems to have appeared overnight? I'm understanding now why my mother took to looking up so much? I thought she was just going for the 'superior' look, but it seems that she was most likely stretching out the old turkey gobbler for a more streamlined look? Trouble was that my mother's nostrils were not of insignificant proportions. This is a thing in our family and it comes from her side. When we look up, people surrender. You get me? So while Mum was trying to deflect attention from her turkey gobbler, she was creating another issue by constantly flaunting her shotgun nostrils complete with nasal hair!

I don't know how old you are Toby, but I do understand body dysmorphia. I once saw a fat body when, in reality, I was underweight by two and a half stone..

I grew up thinking I was ugly (and a lot of other things) thanks to some hardcore bullying at school and people who claimed to love me. They projected their own self-esteem issues and insecurities onto me and it took me a long time to see that. What I saw in the mirror was hideous, but it wasn't real Toby. I had pictures taken during those times when I considered myself 'ugly' and when I look at those pictures now I see something else? Youthfulness. A cracking smile - that's rare in photographs, but when it's there, my eyes look twinkly! And my eyes are one of my best features because they're odd, like the rest of me.

'Beauty' is subjective and very much a case of being in the 'eye of the beholder'. My husband comes over all Sid James when I wear shorts, even now, whereas I just see two tree trunks with cellulite on them?

Society has a lot to answer for and I'm SO GLAD that 'influencers' in Norway (I think?) now have to disclose, by law, any editing to their selfies. I'm also glad to see adverts that actually show real women with cellulite, flab, skin conditions, scars, tummies, and ageing skin - and looking a-mazing!

I can assure you that you are not seeing yourself as others see you. This is because you have a mental disorder. Everybody on this planet, including those considered to be the most attractive people - have flaws. When you look at an image in a magazine, it's been edited. It's deceptive. Those people look as manky as the rest of when they wake up!

You are preoccupied with your looks, but it's not vanity; it's an illness. You need some help with this. Maybe some CBT to challenge your thoughts about yourself or to find out where this stems from?

You can take as many pictures of yourself as you like but there will always be those unflattering ones. We all have them, and we all have one side which looks better than the other..

I'd be interested to know how you developed this disorder Toby? If it's because you've been bullied in the past, I can assure you that the only real ugliness is the behaviour of those who said mean things to you. If it's because you've fallen for the illusion of beauty in the media, then hopefully we are starting to go in the right direction with this. Don't even think of doing anything to your face or body surgery wise until you've seen a therapist!

By your own admission, you have nice eyes and that's a MASSIVE PLUS! Also good hair? THat makes you the envy of many a bloke for a start! And I'm 100% that you have many other good things that people will envy you for..

The best piece of advice I can give you is this...

Beauty, as in real beauty, comes from within. I've known some very beautiful looking people with very ugly personalities, and personally I go for a nice personality every time..

All the best...

Thanks so much for this long reply!

For some reason, I just see myself as the ugliest person on the planet. I feel like my facial features are disproportionate.

Also I've experienced a lot of rejection from people my age who are conventionally good looking, whereas I just don't fit that mold, as much as I wish I did.

I can take a picture of myself from the front and sometimes think it looks okay, but then from the side I look hideous and feel like a catfish (I assume you know what that term means haha - if not, it's when someone looks different in real life to how they look in their photos online.)

No, it hasn't stemmed from bullying or anything - well, I have been teased in the past, but I think everyone probably has... I've definitely had some of my flaws made fun of before, so maybe it did contribute towards it.

I've gone on dating apps previously and shown people my face and some have said I look attractive (or at least haven't had a problem with my appearance) but sometimes people just block - these are always the really good looking people who I guess have high standards.

[NoraB]

Thanks so much for this long reply!

For some reason, I just see myself as the ugliest person on the planet. I feel like my facial features are disproportionate.

Also I've experienced a lot of rejection from people my age who are conventionally good looking, whereas I just don't fit that mold, as much as I wish I did.

I'd say that this is the answer!

I can take a picture of myself from the front and sometimes think it looks okay, but then from the side I look hideous and feel like a catfish (I assume you know what that term means haha - if not, it's when someone looks different in real life to how they look in their photos online.)

I had a catfish in my fishtank. He bullied the other fish, and that's as much as I know about catfish!

These days with photo editing - don't most people (especially young people) look different in real life? Where are the bunny ears and whiskers? That's what I'd like to know!

No, it hasn't stemmed from bullying or anything - well, I have been teased in the past, but I think everyone probably has... I've definitely had some of my flaws made fun of before, so maybe it did contribute towards it.

I think you're underestimating how much this 'teasing' has clawed its way into your psyche?

I've gone on dating apps previously and shown people my face and some have said I look attractive (or at least haven't had a problem with my appearance) but sometimes people just block - these are always the really good looking people who I guess have high standards.

Sorry?

High standards?

I'd say that they are shallow @rseholes meself?

Can I suggest something to you?

It's a cliché, but looks really aren't everything you know? There are lots of really beautiful people out there with really ugly personalities..