I've had social anxiety and general anxiety for most of my life. It started when I was in primary school and started getting bullied over my facial appearance and this continued all the way through secondary school. I have a really big nose and this is what I got teased and bullied about, I got called all sorts of nasty names and it really lowered my self esteem and made me embarrassed and uncomfortable around people. After leaving school I got teased in the workplace over my appearance and over the years have had horrible comments shouted at me in the streets from random strangers, usually by teenage boys, but also in my 20s in nightclubs have had people calling me ugly.
I'm now in my 30s and it has held me back all my life. I'm slim and petite so my large nose looks very out of proportion to the rest of my body. I wish I could have surgery to change my appearance but I am too afraid and can't afford it anyway. I wear make up but it doesn't really help, I can't cover up the size of my nose. I don't have any friends and I'm a loner, I never have fitted in so I have no social skills whatsoever, I panic and get soo anxious around people, worrying about how they are judging me and thinking how they must be so disgusted by me. I avoid going out as much as possible and wear sunglasses and hats to cover up as best I can. I avoid things like going out for meals or drinks, I hate getting dressed up, I don't feel confident as there is no point, no matter what I do I will always look ugly and it gets me down. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of the way I look. I've found wearing as mask the last year and a half has helped me to feel less anxious, but I still worry people will noticed how much the mask sticks out from my face. I got really anxious when face masks became no longer mandatory, I see less and less people wearing them and I worry people will start noticing me more now as I still continue to wear one.
It's harder when I have a sister who is fairly attractive and got the good genes. I feel like a failure and it's impacted so many areas of my life. Just don't know how to get help, it's not something I feel comfortable talking to a doctor about. I feel I've wasted so many years of my life but it's all I've ever known and don't know how I'll ever break this cycle after over 25 years of feeling this way.
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