About a month ago started with right and left calf cramps. They were quite uncomfortable and would usually wake me from sleep. Once awake, I rarely fell back to sleep. So, for about a month, I am usually up 5am each day. So sleep isn't great.

Last Monday I finally visited my GP who said "probably a magnesium deficiency....dehydrated....not enough water....take these pills" I left feeling OK.

Next day, while looking at my right calf, I saw a small twitch, almost like a dimple. Then another. I didn't give it much thought. The next day both calves looked like worms were crawling around my calves. The more I looked, the worse it got. Next logical step? Google. Since last Wednesday, I am CERTAIN I have ALS. I called the doctor and asked for call back and nothing. Called again the next day, answering service. I was told "someone is in the office, they just have the phones off." Being the HA person I am, I drove there. Lights off, door locked, I kept calling and calling. After 10 minutes, I left. Once around the block I figured I would try again. This time I did see a nurse walking to her car. I pulled up and she could see the anxiety. She asked what was going on and I explained it. She said she was fairly certain the twitches were from the magnesium deficiency and follow-up next week (this was Friday). I do have an appointment for a full physical this Friday.

But I must say, once I opened that box, the terror is real and all encompassing. I can't stay off forums. I can't stop searching the web. Today I am searching prices for wheelchairs.....how to apply for disability.....end of life documents. I can't stop. I did find this group last night and it helped. Even my wife asked "what did you read that gave you some hope...you almost seem relieved!". It was this forum. But then today I was back to Google. Found an article where PALS patient had my same starting symptoms and I completely unraveled.

People who don't experience this don't get it. I wish I could "just stop being ridiculous!".....I wish I could believe the odds......I wish I could be happy again.....I don't see hope.

What has helped some of you overcome this fear? Should I talk to someone? Take meds? It's so very hard to let down this mask I have worn my entire life and let others know how much I suffer from HA. I've probably had 8 major ailments over the last 3 years. Covid made it worse and just since May I've had colon cancer, chordoma, DVT (first calf self diagnosis) and now ALS (according to Dr. Google). Like all other "illnesses" I will probably just wait this out too. Either I get better and it goes away.....or it doesn't and there isn't a treatment option anyway....

This is rough.....