Hello

Last year I posted about how I began my search for my first job in 2017 and at that point I had lost 3 years of my life due to losing all motivation in my life and suffering anxiety. In 2017 I was on universal credit at the job centre to find my first job for a few months then events happened which lead me to cutting my benefits and support and wasting away for the next 3 years. I wanted to find a job, I really did but I was too anxious to go back to the job centre again due to how much I stressed myself out in 2017. I started 2017 in a very good place with my life, I was in a happy relationship, I was more outgoing with friends and things seemed very promising, I was actually excited about the future. By the end of 2017 I had broke up with my then-girlfriend, I was off benefits and extremely anxious but thought things would get better in a few months. 2018-2020 was absolutely empty and those years flew by so fast I didn't even realise how much time I had lost until last year, I spent them anxious and overall just lost in life doing nothing which I am so ashamed of.

From the very start of this year (2021) I decided enough was enough and went back to the job centre for fear of losing anymore time and overall just wanting to feel like I had a purpose in life again which I haven't felt since 2017 and I because what I've done (or haven't done) feels so unfair on my parents. In short this year has certainly been better than the last few years, I've finished an online course for retail and am currently volunteering at a charity shop to get some experience which has been going on a couple months now. But I still haven't had my first job yet and after my last job interview last week which went nowhere I am very afraid of how much more time I'm going to lose before I'm happy again in life and genuinely feel like I've caught up if I ever feel that way again.

I feel like I've wasted all my youth already and to be honest I think i'm having a bit of a quarter-life crisis about it. I just want so bad to be as happy as I was back when I was 18-19 but I feel like i'm not gonna be that happy again and my view on life has changed so much that I literally feel my time wasting away even now. I should probably be happy I'm trying to make a difference in my life but all I focus on is the fact that I'm 23, still haven't had my first job yet, barely go out with my friends (which is about once a month at this point), haven't been in a relationship in nearly 4 years and still live at home. Am I right to feel embarrassed and scared of the future?

I'm sorry for how long this post turned out to be, had a lot to cover in the last 4 years. any advice would really be appreciated.