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Thread: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    188

    I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    Hello

    Last year I posted about how I began my search for my first job in 2017 and at that point I had lost 3 years of my life due to losing all motivation in my life and suffering anxiety. In 2017 I was on universal credit at the job centre to find my first job for a few months then events happened which lead me to cutting my benefits and support and wasting away for the next 3 years. I wanted to find a job, I really did but I was too anxious to go back to the job centre again due to how much I stressed myself out in 2017. I started 2017 in a very good place with my life, I was in a happy relationship, I was more outgoing with friends and things seemed very promising, I was actually excited about the future. By the end of 2017 I had broke up with my then-girlfriend, I was off benefits and extremely anxious but thought things would get better in a few months. 2018-2020 was absolutely empty and those years flew by so fast I didn't even realise how much time I had lost until last year, I spent them anxious and overall just lost in life doing nothing which I am so ashamed of.

    From the very start of this year (2021) I decided enough was enough and went back to the job centre for fear of losing anymore time and overall just wanting to feel like I had a purpose in life again which I haven't felt since 2017 and I because what I've done (or haven't done) feels so unfair on my parents. In short this year has certainly been better than the last few years, I've finished an online course for retail and am currently volunteering at a charity shop to get some experience which has been going on a couple months now. But I still haven't had my first job yet and after my last job interview last week which went nowhere I am very afraid of how much more time I'm going to lose before I'm happy again in life and genuinely feel like I've caught up if I ever feel that way again.

    I feel like I've wasted all my youth already and to be honest I think i'm having a bit of a quarter-life crisis about it. I just want so bad to be as happy as I was back when I was 18-19 but I feel like i'm not gonna be that happy again and my view on life has changed so much that I literally feel my time wasting away even now. I should probably be happy I'm trying to make a difference in my life but all I focus on is the fact that I'm 23, still haven't had my first job yet, barely go out with my friends (which is about once a month at this point), haven't been in a relationship in nearly 4 years and still live at home. Am I right to feel embarrassed and scared of the future?

    I'm sorry for how long this post turned out to be, had a lot to cover in the last 4 years. any advice would really be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    1,297

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    You're 23, you're still very young. You have done well training and working voluntarily in the charity shop this year. Keep doing it, it's great experience and it'll help keep you busy while you continue to look for a job.

    Honestly, you have got a lot of life ahead of you and if you keep trying you will get there.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    188

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    Thank you so much for responding, I definitely needed to hear this because my brain keeps focusing on the negative and the past. I feel really absurd for feeling the way I do about my situation considering I could have lost so much more time and I still have about 7 years of my 20s left but I'm hoping when I find a job this feeling will go away and I can be as happy as I was. 100% I am going to keep trying as i'm honestly too afraid to lose anymore time and the volunteering makes me feel better. I really hope I can land a job whilst it's still 2021.

    Onwards and upwards I guess.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,991

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    Quote Originally Posted by imfineokay View Post
    I feel like I've wasted all my youth already and to be honest I think i'm having a bit of a quarter-life crisis about it. I just want so bad to be as happy as I was back when I was 18-19 but I feel like i'm not gonna be that happy again and my view on life has changed so much that I literally feel my time wasting away even now. I should probably be happy I'm trying to make a difference in my life but all I focus on is the fact that I'm 23, still haven't had my first job yet, barely go out with my friends (which is about once a month at this point), haven't been in a relationship in nearly 4 years and still live at home. Am I right to feel embarrassed and scared of the future?
    Go buy The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - you might find it helpful?

    All that time is in the past. It's gone. You don't know what the future holds, None of us do. All you really have is the here and now..

    When I was 18 I had collagen a plenty and body hair in all the right places. I can pine for those days or I can throw a scarf around my old lady neck, get with the hair removal cream and get on with it, you get me?

    You're making the mistake of thinking that you can't possibly be happy until you get a job, or a relationship, or leave home. Trust me, that's not how life works..You're not a teenager anymore. You're a grown up. But at 23 you're still on the bottom end of grown up. You have a lot of life in front of you and a lot of potential, and I can say this with absolute conviction that just because things seem crappy now doesn't mean that it will always be the case. But I can tell you that very little changes without putting some effort in - even if it's to change our own attitudes..

    Why would you feel embarrassed of a future that you don't know? Unless you have a crystal ball there? We can be embarrassed of stuff we've done in the past, for sure, but being embarrassed won't change one second of it. Far better we learn from the shit we've done, right?

    I'm sorry for how long this post turned out to be, had a lot to cover in the last 4 years. any advice would really be appreciated.
    By my standards this is not a long post.
    __________________
    Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    188

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    Hello, sorry for missing your reply, I appreciate the response.

    I believe the main reason I've been embarrassed was the fact that I was 23 and unemployed having never had a proper job still and still 4 years behind in life from where I should be now had I faced my fears earlier. That being said I have managed to secure myself my first job which i'm excited to start next week I intend to make up for the lost time and make the most of my youth, just hope I haven't lost too much of it doing nothing. If anything I've learnt not to waste time and let myself go in life because those years passed by so quickly before I realised the time I had lost.

    But yeah, no change can come without effort and I think that I've more than learnt that these last 4 years. And now I have another chance to live a proper life in my 20s which I was terrified of wasting. Fingers crossed it's uphill from here...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    1,297

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    That's excellent news about you job! Well done!

  7. #7

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    Look, no need to panic because yoour success comes a bit slower than other people's. You are trying your best and I'm sure that you will reach your goal fast enough. As long as you don't give up, you'll receive equally the effort that you put in your work. However, if things get too hard, I would suggest you talk to a care advisor. There'sno need to be ashamed that you seek help. The fact that you're willing to ask for help means that you are a mature person.
    Last edited by Jastikur; 18-10-21 at 19:31.

  8. #8

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    You're young. Give yourself a break.

    Sent from my moto g power using Tapatalk

  9. #9

    Re: I'm 23 and about 4 years behind in life (Long Post)

    You are still very young. You have a future ahead of you. You must take care of yourself as you are doing and you will see that many good things will come for you.

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