Health anxiety about my son

[Lucy_j]

So I’ve had health anxiety for as long as I can remember. But since having my son I care less about my own health and more about his. He has food allergies carries an epi pen although thankfully never had to use it. He reacts with hives randomly to things I don’t know. My issue is the second he’s having a reaction or might have one my body just shuts down, complete panic waves over my body and I’m physically sick I can’t stay off the toilet (sorry for tmi)
But I cannot control the physical symptoms no matter how much I try these sensations take over. It’s awful what can I do about it? We have repeat allergy tests in a few weeks and already now I can’t stop the anxiety and symptoms.

[Catkins]

Have you had any CBT to help with this? Just thinking it might help you learn some coping strategies.

[Lucy_j]

Hi yes I have. I’ve done cbt a number of times, but not recently and not since having my son

[Catkins]

It might be worth revisiting it now you have your son. When my son was growing up (he's 24 now), I had to face up to a lot of my fears. It wasn't an easy ride and I'm not anxiety free (recent relapse after 14 years of coping reasonably well) but revisiting things that have helped in the past has helped me.

[NoraB]

So I’ve had health anxiety for as long as I can remember. But since having my son I care less about my own health and more about his. He has food allergies carries an epi pen although thankfully never had to use it. He reacts with hives randomly to things I don’t know. My issue is the second he’s having a reaction or might have one my body just shuts down, complete panic waves over my body and I’m physically sick I can’t stay off the toilet (sorry for tmi)

You've no doubt heard of the fight or flight response? Well there are other responses as well; freeze, flop, and fawn.

Freezing isn't a conscious decision. It's automatic. I'm predominantly a freezer too, and that was brought home to me when I was practically forced to do a first aid training course for work. The moment those skills were required in a real life situation my brain went screen saver and I forgot everything - which isn't ideal when you're a first aider!

The fawn response? I had a Cairn terrier who was a fawner. When her 'sister' used to bully her, she'd roll onto her back and show her belly. That was her automatic response to threats from any other dog or human, and it was her way of protecting herself.

The freeze response is primarily a stalling tactic - giving the brain a few seconds to decide what to do. Most people then do the flight or flight but some remain in freeze mode and some will 'flop' - which means to pass out which is a way of disassociating ourselves from the situation..

Therapy can help you to break out of your automatic stress response and it can teach you more effective responses to stressful situations so it's definitely the way to go given that your son has this health issue..

In the meantime, try to imagine yourself acting calmly in this situation? The natural response with HA is to imagine the very worst and to imagine ourselves totally freaking out? Re-frame the thought and see yourself reacting calmly.

But I've also found that when it comes to our children, we often find that our brains engage when their lives are genuinely threatened? This is also automatic and overrides everything else. And it may be the case that if your son did require that EpiPen, then something primeval would take over your brain and you would do exactly what's needed? But that's very much a 'you'll find that out if it happens' deal and you need to address this anticipatory anxiety so CBT is a must I'd say..

But I cannot control the physical symptoms no matter how much I try these sensations take over. It’s awful what can I do about it? We have repeat allergy tests in a few weeks and already now I can’t stop the anxiety and symptoms.

It's stress hormones - adrenalin, cortisol etc. This is a normal response. It just feels unpleasant - more so when we don't burn all that nervous energy off, right?