Not doing very well….

[sheena1946]

Thanks FMP,
i wrote what i did to try and stop people checking.Probably 40 years of worry brought on the stroke.As you say sxxt happens i simply did not expect a stroke,
if you had a stroke you would know about it.You are doing what we all do on here jumping from one thing to another you must learn not to do it,no good will come from it.Things will ALLWAYS HAPPEN in life that we do not expect,that is what life is.We cannot see into the future,if we could i would have won the lottery years ago,lol
All the best to you Chlobo.

[Chlobo]

I feel so so bad. I can’t cope with this anymore. I’m SO scared of cancer and that I’m going to contract it. I keep feeling my body and wondering if what I’m feeling is normal. It’s torture.
How can this ever get better

[BlueIris]

It's only going to get better if you accept the irrationality of your fears and work on accepting the fundamental uncertainty of life.

[Fishmanpa]

It's only going to get better if you accept the irrationality of your fears and work on accepting the fundamental uncertainty of life.

Spinning your wheels here BI :(

FMP

[Chlobo]

It's only going to get better if you accept the irrationality of your fears and work on accepting the fundamental uncertainty of life.

I don’t feel like it is irrational, I mean so many people get cancer, it’s everywhere and I just feel like I’m waiting for it to catch up with me, and I’ll have a terminal diagnosis which I wouldn’t be able to cope with. I just don’t feel like I can cope with being alive, I’m obsessed with how I’ll die, I go over and over it in my head and it’s going to happen and I can’t escape it. Part of me wishes I had never been born so I didn’t need to fear all of this and experience death. Like everything I love, everything I’ve built and worked for will just become dust, a memory in someone else, and then eventually the memory will die out completely and what then? Just nothing.
I cannot get my mind round it. I keep getting surges of panic and thoughts that say ‘one day you’re gonna die and you can’t escape it’ ‘your body is going to rot away. I’m going to feel that last breath and know that’s it, I just can’t cope

[BlueIris]

Fair enough. Stay in your hole if that's where you feel most comfortable.

I've been there, and come out and found a better way of living. What would I know, though?

[NoraB]

I don’t feel like it is irrational,

You're totally bypassing the fact that not everybody dies from cancer. My mother had cancer and she died several years later cancer free. My BIL has just been successfully treated for bowel cancer and my aunty had BC when she was in her 40s and she died aged 90. That's three human beings who I am related to who had cancer and lived!

and I’ll have a terminal diagnosis which I wouldn’t be able to cope with.

You say that but a lot of people find that they cope better with fact than fiction. With a cancer diagnosis comes a plan and also the opportunity to choose our attitude.

I just don’t feel like I can cope with being alive, I’m obsessed with how I’ll die, I go over and over it in my head and it’s going to happen and I can’t escape it. Part of me wishes I had never been born so I didn’t need to fear all of this and experience death. Like everything I love, everything I’ve built and worked for will just become dust, a memory in someone else, and then eventually the memory will die out completely and what then? Just nothing.

Is this terrified version of yourself how you want to be remembered Chlobo?

I've been every bit as scared as you are now but I dragged myself out of the shithole I was in and that's what I want people to remember about me. That and my sense of humour and great taste in music!

I cannot get my mind round it. I keep getting surges of panic and thoughts that say ‘one day you’re gonna die and you can’t escape it’ ‘your body is going to rot away. I’m going to feel that last breath and know that’s it, I just can’t cope

You ARE going to die one day. We all are. You, me, everybody. Because death is natural and also necessary for the survival of our species and planet. We're only meant to be here for a short time (in the greater picture) but listen up mate - we fought to be born. Our spermy selves swam like buggery and won the chance to be born and live a life and 'life' means hardship, joy, loss, love, sadness, hate, guilt, happiness, indifference, pleasure and pain. It's all part of the experience. It also means that from the moment we plunge ourselves into our mother's egg we are on a journey and the final destination is death. In-between birth and death is life and while we can't control what happens to us (or when we will die) we do get to control of how we respond to every bit of shit that life throws our way! And at the moment, you're choosing fear..

Try and re-frame your thoughts about death. See the positives because they're there. Learn about how other countries celebrate death?

There are good deaths and most deaths are peaceful and as far as I'm concerned when I die it will be a matter of leaving my knackered body behind but those are just body parts. That's not the sum of 'me'. I believe what's 'me' will go somewhere else because we are energy (as everything on this planet is energy) and energy cannot be destroyed. I believe that I will see my mum, dad, grandparents, aunties and uncles, the two lads from school who showed me kindness, and the soul who never made it past the first trimester of my pregnancy. This comforts me and it makes sense to me. I will be so sad to leave those I love behind but life, to me, is about preparing my kids for life without me and leaving them with some good memories of me but I would be lying if I said that the idea of seeing my parents again didn't soften the blow of death for me.

Death can be sudden or it's a gradual process. I've seen the latter. I've seen someone breathe their last breath but they had slipped into unconsciousness and it was peaceful for them and us. My father-in-law spent two days snoring his head off and he passed away gently as my husband snoozed in the chair beside his hospital bed. What happens afterwards is for our benefit because the soul who has passed has no more use of the body he/she has inhabited for their lifetime. I haven't feared death since I was 12 and got a visit from a grandmother who'd been dead for seven years and even if this is not your belief, you can learn to find comfort in a peaceful ending because you imagine death is going to hurt? But the reality is that death is painless. It's the bit before that can hurt sometimes but even then, we have really great drugs these days!

Death isn't the villain we make it out to be. You can thank television and the movies for 'dramatic' deaths and even when deaths appear to be dramatic to the onlooker, that doesn't mean that the person who is dying is in pain or suffering because our brain's protect us. You imagine that you are going to experience that last breath? But the reality is that you would be unconscious before that happens so you would actually be unaware? I've been unconscious and there was literally no comprehension of anything that was happening to me or around me..

Something I found incredibly helpful (and cathartic) was to plan my own funeral. It's always been a fear that people will give me a funeral that misrepresents who I am (or was) - choosing hymns that I don't like and having some random human being who didn't know me talk about me as if they did? Nah. So I've planned the entire thing. Three tracks (no hymns) no flowers, a wicker casket, and my sons to read excerpts from Matt Haig's 'The Human's. I've chosen the photograph I want to be on display and the quote on the service pamphlet will read, 'And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.' Paul McCartney. And there is a playlist of a trillion tracks which mean something to me for the wake because my funeral will be my goodbye to my family. It has to come from me, and once done it was a weight off my mind and I recommend that people do this..

Chlobo, we're all part of something really quite marvellous. Sure, at times life is a b'stard and nothing seems fair but suffering is transitory and happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. Oh wait, that's Dumbledore? But the wizardly dude knew what he was on about. It's true. My dad was terminally ill but we made some really special memories during those 6 months. My friend took her family around the world when she got her cancer diagnosis. Yes people get cancer, and yes some people die from the disease but that's only part of what's true and it certainly doesn't mean that you will develop cancer!

People get cancer and all kind of illnesses but they survive and even when people do get cancer (or other life threatening diseases) say that their 'cancer diagnosis' or (whatever) gave them the kick up the @rse that they needed in order to START living and some folk pack a lifetime of living into a few months or years. This isn't about longevity or time; this is about making the most of the time we do have - which is this moment. We have this moment and the choice in how we live it is up to us.

Go have a coffee in a lovely cafe. Choose an uplifting book. Walk in nature. Absolutely do that because nature connects us to this planet at soul level. It's good for us. The colour green is calming so it figures that nature will calm us. It's autumn now and when you are seeing nature's awesome colour display, know that what you're seeing is 'death'. Those leaves are dying, right?

I can recommend Matt Haig's books. Mitch Albom. Ruth Hogan. And books about NDE's because it's there that you will learn that death can be so nice that people have to be encouraged to climb back into their broken bodies to come back to Earth.

Reframe death so that it comforts you, rather than scares you..

Accept death as part of life and start to live my friend. Those things that scare the shit out of us need to be faced and it's then that we discover that they're not as scary as our minds had us believe..

[sheena1946]

Chlobo,
read all these posts you will see that you are not alone type in.
no more panic health anxiety suffers.

[Chlobo]

Sorry I know I’m posting again. My anxiety is really bad at the moment…
I got some food stuck in the roof of my mouth last night and while I was getting it out I noticed that there is an almost hard bone like area in the middle. Is that normal anatomy?

[Chlobo]

You're totally bypassing the fact that not everybody dies from cancer. My mother had cancer and she died several years later cancer free. My BIL has just been successfully treated for bowel cancer and my aunty had BC when she was in her 40s and she died aged 90. That's three human beings who I am related to who had cancer and lived!



You say that but a lot of people find that they cope better with fact than fiction. With a cancer diagnosis comes a plan and also the opportunity to choose our attitude.



Is this terrified version of yourself how you want to be remembered Chlobo?

I've been every bit as scared as you are now but I dragged myself out of the shithole I was in and that's what I want people to remember about me. That and my sense of humour and great taste in music!



You ARE going to die one day. We all are. You, me, everybody. Because death is natural and also necessary for the survival of our species and planet. We're only meant to be here for a short time (in the greater picture) but listen up mate - we fought to be born. Our spermy selves swam like buggery and won the chance to be born and live a life and 'life' means hardship, joy, loss, love, sadness, hate, guilt, happiness, indifference, pleasure and pain. It's all part of the experience. It also means that from the moment we plunge ourselves into our mother's egg we are on a journey and the final destination is death. In-between birth and death is life and while we can't control what happens to us (or when we will die) we do get to control of how we respond to every bit of shit that life throws our way! And at the moment, you're choosing fear..

Try and re-frame your thoughts about death. See the positives because they're there. Learn about how other countries celebrate death?

There are good deaths and most deaths are peaceful and as far as I'm concerned when I die it will be a matter of leaving my knackered body behind but those are just body parts. That's not the sum of 'me'. I believe what's 'me' will go somewhere else because we are energy (as everything on this planet is energy) and energy cannot be destroyed. I believe that I will see my mum, dad, grandparents, aunties and uncles, the two lads from school who showed me kindness, and the soul who never made it past the first trimester of my pregnancy. This comforts me and it makes sense to me. I will be so sad to leave those I love behind but life, to me, is about preparing my kids for life without me and leaving them with some good memories of me but I would be lying if I said that the idea of seeing my parents again didn't soften the blow of death for me.

Death can be sudden or it's a gradual process. I've seen the latter. I've seen someone breathe their last breath but they had slipped into unconsciousness and it was peaceful for them and us. My father-in-law spent two days snoring his head off and he passed away gently as my husband snoozed in the chair beside his hospital bed. What happens afterwards is for our benefit because the soul who has passed has no more use of the body he/she has inhabited for their lifetime. I haven't feared death since I was 12 and got a visit from a grandmother who'd been dead for seven years and even if this is not your belief, you can learn to find comfort in a peaceful ending because you imagine death is going to hurt? But the reality is that death is painless. It's the bit before that can hurt sometimes but even then, we have really great drugs these days!

Death isn't the villain we make it out to be. You can thank television and the movies for 'dramatic' deaths and even when deaths appear to be dramatic to the onlooker, that doesn't mean that the person who is dying is in pain or suffering because our brain's protect us. You imagine that you are going to experience that last breath? But the reality is that you would be unconscious before that happens so you would actually be unaware? I've been unconscious and there was literally no comprehension of anything that was happening to me or around me..

Something I found incredibly helpful (and cathartic) was to plan my own funeral. It's always been a fear that people will give me a funeral that misrepresents who I am (or was) - choosing hymns that I don't like and having some random human being who didn't know me talk about me as if they did? Nah. So I've planned the entire thing. Three tracks (no hymns) no flowers, a wicker casket, and my sons to read excerpts from Matt Haig's 'The Human's. I've chosen the photograph I want to be on display and the quote on the service pamphlet will read, 'And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.' Paul McCartney. And there is a playlist of a trillion tracks which mean something to me for the wake because my funeral will be my goodbye to my family. It has to come from me, and once done it was a weight off my mind and I recommend that people do this..

Chlobo, we're all part of something really quite marvellous. Sure, at times life is a b'stard and nothing seems fair but suffering is transitory and happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. Oh wait, that's Dumbledore? But the wizardly dude knew what he was on about. It's true. My dad was terminally ill but we made some really special memories during those 6 months. My friend took her family around the world when she got her cancer diagnosis. Yes people get cancer, and yes some people die from the disease but that's only part of what's true and it certainly doesn't mean that you will develop cancer!

People get cancer and all kind of illnesses but they survive and even when people do get cancer (or other life threatening diseases) say that their 'cancer diagnosis' or (whatever) gave them the kick up the @rse that they needed in order to START living and some folk pack a lifetime of living into a few months or years. This isn't about longevity or time; this is about making the most of the time we do have - which is this moment. We have this moment and the choice in how we live it is up to us.

Go have a coffee in a lovely cafe. Choose an uplifting book. Walk in nature. Absolutely do that because nature connects us to this planet at soul level. It's good for us. The colour green is calming so it figures that nature will calm us. It's autumn now and when you are seeing nature's awesome colour display, know that what you're seeing is 'death'. Those leaves are dying, right?

I can recommend Matt Haig's books. Mitch Albom. Ruth Hogan. And books about NDE's because it's there that you will learn that death can be so nice that people have to be encouraged to climb back into their broken bodies to come back to Earth.

Reframe death so that it comforts you, rather than scares you..

Accept death as part of life and start to live my friend. Those things that scare the shit out of us need to be faced and it's then that we discover that they're not as scary as our minds had us believe..

Thank you. I have read this every day so far.