Not doing very well….

[NoraB]

I almost feel if I challenge my thoughts I’m jinxing myself. Like, if I tell myself this is okay it won’t be okay, because I’m not prepared and I’ve told myself to ignore something.

Overcoming health anxiety isn't about ignoring symptoms. It's about challenging our HA thinking so that we stop catastrophising and it's about understanding bodily sensations - especially those hundreds of stress response symptoms. There will be times when a trip to the doctor is necessary but that doesn't equal 'life-threatening'. It's our HA minds that lead us to believe that...

It’s a cruel circle. I just want this to stop. I want to stop being afraid but ‘ignoring symptoms just doesn’t seem to work, even if I tell myself not to panic I’m already panicked. I can feel my heart instantly race and my stomach goes into knots and I need to run to the toilet. It happens before I even have time to think

Again, this isn't about ignoring these symptoms - it's about understanding them.

Fight or flight is a physical response. If you have fearful thoughts, you will trigger this response (and those stress hormones). I can sit here now and trigger my stress response simply by thinking of something. Difference is that I won't panic when my heart starts to race because I know what's happening and I know what I have to do to stop it. People who don't understand the stress response add fear and panic to this normal bodily response, then they catastrophise about the other symptoms - like having to run to the toilet. They don't understand that fight or flight is about priming the body to fight the axe murderer or run like hell and for those actions to be maximised numerous actions have to take place in the body - one of them being purging (urine, poo, undigested food). This is normal for fight or flight but people with HA will think that running to the toilet to be sick, have a shit or a massive wee is sign of something sinister and this is all part of the never-ending cycle of health anxiety.

Fight or flight feels very unpleasant but it's not meant to feel nice. It's there to help to keep our bodies primed for action, our brains sharp, and us alive.

Chlobo, my sympathy & empathy are a given but you need to get proactive with your HA and there be less of the self-pity on here. Your HA mind feeds on shit like that, believe me!

The only person who can get you out of this hole is you, and that's the bottom line.

[BlueIris]

Incredibly eloquent and truthful response, Nora.

[Chlobo]

Overcoming health anxiety isn't about ignoring symptoms. It's about challenging our HA thinking so that we stop catastrophising and it's about understanding bodily sensations - especially those hundreds of stress response symptoms. There will be times when a trip to the doctor is necessary but that doesn't equal 'life-threatening'. It's our HA minds that lead us to believe that...



Again, this isn't about ignoring these symptoms - it's about understanding them.

Fight or flight is a physical response. If you have fearful thoughts, you will trigger this response (and those stress hormones). I can sit here now and trigger my stress response simply by thinking of something. Difference is that I won't panic when my heart starts to race because I know what's happening and I know what I have to do to stop it. People who don't understand the stress response add fear and panic to this normal bodily response, then they catastrophise about the other symptoms - like having to run to the toilet. They don't understand that fight or flight is about priming the body to fight the axe murderer or run like hell and for those actions to be maximised numerous actions have to take place in the body - one of them being purging (urine, poo, undigested food). This is normal for fight or flight but people with HA will think that running to the toilet to be sick, have a shit or a massive wee is sign of something sinister and this is all part of the never-ending cycle of health anxiety.

Fight or flight feels very unpleasant but it's not meant to feel nice. It's there to help to keep our bodies primed for action, our brains sharp, and us alive.

Chlobo, my sympathy & empathy are a given but you need to get proactive with your HA and there be less of the self-pity on here. Your HA mind feeds on shit like that, believe me!

The only person who can get you out of this hole is you, and that's the bottom line.

I think I feel fight or flight all the time, I’m always uneasy, waiting for something and listening to what’s going on in my body.
My hearing went in my ear yesterday and it started to ring and it made me physically jump, even though I shouldn’t panic over something like that. I paced around for a bit until it went and then tried to just carry on with what I was doing.
And yes I can trigger it with thoughts too, it’s just horrible. It’s always my stomach that goes when I get it, it’s awful. Im suffering with really awful intrusive thoughts about illness at the moment as well, visions of hospital and me poorly really sharp in my mind, or calling an ambulance, or running to my neighbors house because I have stroke symptoms and I’m trying to get help. I feel vulnerable and afraid all the time.
I really don’t want sympathy, I just want to know that I’m okay and that Im not going to leave my kids behind when they’re little, but no one can guarantee that so here I am always afraid
Im going to read through some of the articles on here. Im just sat on the sofa cuddling my dog trying to shut everything out while my kids are at school, .so I can put on my super mum face when I go pick them up again.
It’s exhausting.

[Chlobo]

And it isn’t just the eyebrow sensation now it’s others too. Like the back of my head suddenly feels cold and my cheeks, or I have a drip feeling on my scalp, or little hot poker feelings under my eyes.
Urgh just go away

[Cptdebbie]

Oh Chlobo,
It is exhausting!!! You know what I read in your posts though? I read about a woman who is struggling with some really difficult challenges but is still taking care of her children. I think you are stronger than you realize. You are trying every day. You haven’t given up. You want to live and be there for your children.

I think that strength that is inside of you will get more powerful as you continue with therapy and keep trying to be the best mom that you can.

Keep on trying. You are going to get through this. I wish I could hug you. I can’t, but I will be praying for you tonight.

Be well,
Debbie

[pulisa]

https://www.home-start.org.uk/

Do you feel overwhelming responsibility for your young children as you don't have any back up or family support? It's very hard being under the cosh on a 24/7 basis. Something will give..Would you consider looking into what this charity could offer? I'm sure there will be a waiting list but it may give you something to think about?

I think you need practical help as well as psychological help?

[NoraB]

I think I feel fight or flight all the time, I’m always uneasy, waiting for something and listening to what’s going on in my body.

Fight or flight puts the body into 'high alert'. At my worst with HA a change in tempo in a song would trigger a panic attack. Or a gust of wind. Or the sun going in or coming out. My system was so incredibly sensitised that I became like one of those overly-sensitive car alarms that go off when someone farts in the next street, you get me? I was either having a panic attack or I was leading up to one - even at night!

My hearing went in my ear yesterday and it started to ring and it made me physically jump, even though I shouldn’t panic over something like that. I paced around for a bit until it went and then tried to just carry on with what I was doing.

I have hearing loss in both ears but predominantly my left with tinnitus in both. My ear regularly feels bunged up but I'm wondering if you washed your hair or had a shower yesterday? Or the day before? Because water in the ear is the most common cause for this. The problem is that you have this irrational stroke fear so any symptom that affects your head is going to ramp up your anxiety..

Im suffering with really awful intrusive thoughts about illness at the moment as well, visions of hospital and me poorly really sharp in my mind, or calling an ambulance, or running to my neighbors house because I have stroke symptoms and I’m trying to get help. I feel vulnerable and afraid all the time.

And you have to re-write the script..

What actual experience do you have of strokes? Or is your dramatic scenario straight out of 'Casualty'?

I really don’t want sympathy,

Why not? It's human to crave sympathy when our world is going to shit! The issue is when we are relying solely on sympathy and reassurance without actually doing anything proactive to help ourselves get out of hole we're in..

I just want to know that I’m okay and that Im not going to leave my kids behind when they’re little, but no one can guarantee that so here I am always afraid

You're absolutely right - nobody can guarantee you that and life isn't fair is it? But when I get down about my life, fairness, and how much of a struggle it is, I think of the little boy's funeral I attended. He was four years old. His time here was so brief but he smiled through every moment of it - and despite some major health issues. He never got to fall in love and marry somebody or have children of his own. He never lived old enough to get pissed and make an @rse of himself. He had four Christmases. I've had fifty. If I die tomorrow I've done all those things and a lot more! I've also achieved what we're programmed to do - which is to reproduce and keep the species going. Now my kids have their own kids. I have so much to be thankful for, and so do you - it's just that anxiety obliterates everything that's good in our lives and we struggle to see anything beyond our own imagined fearful future..

If it helps, I totally understand your fear. My youngest son is autistic. He's 12. I don't know yet if he will be independent and some nights this keeps me awake (even now) but I remind myself that I can't control when (or how) I'm going to die. All I can do is to love & teach him as best I can while I am here and trust that others will step up to support him. I keep myself as well as I can and a major part of that is to work hard on my stress levels..

Physically, you're ok now. This is a mental issue with you. And now is all any of us really have..

At the moment you are totally giving into your HA thoughts. You're not challenging them. The script in your head? You're the one who is choosing it. Your body is responding to what it thinks is a real threat to you. It's working so hard for you - you just don't understand it - and this is why you fear the response as well as everything else..

It’s exhausting.

Anxiety uses up a lot of energy. When I had my breakdown four years ago I just sat in a chair all day and it was INCREDIBLY EXHAUSTING!

The chances of you having a stroke are incredibly low. The people who I know who had strokes had them as a consequence of other serious health conditions and aside my nan (who was 77) they're still very much here and enjoying life.

You don't have to be 'supermum' lovely. Having a mental health disorder is nothing to be ashamed of. Nor is asking for help. And I wish I could give you an awkward hug (I always go the wrong damn way) because I know how shit this is for you. I also know that there's a way out and that it starts with a mental shift. We can say, 'I'M SO TIRED OF THIS', 'I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!' until we're blue in the face but until we flick that mental switch in our heads where we absolutely KNOW we will do whatever it takes to get better - nothing will ever change and nothing any of us say on here will make any lasting difference. My 'switch' was flicked when I realised what my HA was doing to my son. That was it for me. I knew then that I would do whatever I had to do to get well - even if that meant rolling around naked in fox shit on a full moon for the rest of my life!

I can also tell you how very strong you are to be enduring this MH disorder and this is why I know you have it in you to work your way out of the hole you're in..

[Chlobo]

Thank you Nora and Pctdebbie. Honestly I would love a hug right now, and thanks for saying I’m strong. I don’t feel it most of the time. I’m just on robot mode with the kids sometimes because I don’t want them to pick up on my anxieties and I don’t think they really have. They just see me as happy mummy that has friends and smiles and laughs, which is all I want them to see. I dread them getting older and understanding more, I do feel a sense of shame I think, I’m trying to be the best mum I can be and this takes that away, as most days my thoughts are on my body or a sensation, staring and scrolling through my phone looking for reassurance or peace from a symptom I’m frightened of.
When my brother had cancer I didn’t seem him ever lose control, he got sad yes but mainly due to feeling unwell through chemo. He was so brave throughout that stage in his life and I look at him in awe everyday because of that. I just wish I could be calm, and at peace with life and death and illness.
I’m lucky to have a good friend who I can talk too and she’s very understanding of mental health. I actually spoke to her about my eyebrow and she told me in no uncertain terms that if I were to go to the doctor I’d be wasting resources for someone that needed that appointment, she told me to look her in the eye and told me that she promised it will go away but I have to stop worrying and focusing on it.
It actually has gone away now, I sucked it up for a week but during that week I’ve been frightened and focused on it so much I’ve given myself panic attacks. In those moments I feel so lost in worry it’s like I become someone else and i can’t focus, then when I come out of them I look back and think why did that take so much out of me, so much of my time and joy. I want to get better I just feel like I have a severe reaction to bodily symptoms and I just feel like has this gone on too long?
I was about 8 years old when I had my first experiences with health anxiety and I’m now 31 and still dealing with it. I don’t want to waste my life on fear but I feel so completely stuck.

[Chlobo]

https://www.home-start.org.uk/


Do you feel overwhelming responsibility for your young children as you don't have any back up or family support? It's very hard being under the cosh on a 24/7 basis. Something will give..Would you consider looking into what this charity could offer? I'm sure there will be a waiting list but it may give you something to think about?

I think you need practical help as well as psychological help?

I do very much so, I don’t have a huge ton of support and the people who my children would be left behind with if anything happened to me worries me. My son especially as he doesn’t know or see his dad (not my choice) he only has my mum as a nanny and she isn’t well herself mentally. I get so frightened about where he would end up, I have images of him going into social care and it scares me to death. I have never heard of this charity but I will take a look. Thank you

[pulisa]

I do very much so, I don’t have a huge ton of support and the people who my children would be left behind with if anything happened to me worries me. My son especially as he doesn’t know or see his dad (not my choice) he only has my mum as a nanny and she isn’t well herself mentally. I get so frightened about where he would end up, I have images of him going into social care and it scares me to death. I have never heard of this charity but I will take a look. Thank you

It's a terrible strain when you have so much responsibility and no back up support so you feel that you just can't be ill..Of course this makes you fear every single "strange" body sensation because what would happen to your children if you were carted off to hospital etc etc etc.

I hope that link is helpful even if it just gives you some ideas?