Re: “Lipoma” making me feel (trigger warning?) suicidal
HA1989
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Health Anxiety is a very isolating experience. There were many times during the height of my anxiety that I felt so hopeless and wondered if I'd ever pull through. From one HA sufferer to another, I promise there is hope and a way to getting your life back. Thank you for being vulnerable with all of us and sharing your worries.
In terms of advice, I have a few pieces.
1) Be sure to follow up with the mental health person. I firmly believe the only way out of the HA spiral is by getting professional help and putting in the work. It isn't easy and sometimes you may feel like you won't be able to overcome this but I promise you can as you just keep practicing the skills they give you and work through it.
2) Find someone, a spouse, parent, sibling, friend, that you can turn to when you are having suicidal ideation. You need a support system that will help ground you and bring you back to reality when you're spiraling.
3) Ground yourself in reality. The thoughts we have when we are in an HA spiral seem so real that they become our reality. The truth is that they are just thoughts and thoughts aren't real. You can put yourself back into reality by challenging these thoughts. Let me give you some examples of how you can do this using your own words.
Originally Posted by
HA1989
So I didn’t until last Sunday when I started thinking about it and sarcoma.
When you begin worrying or thinking scary thoughts, you can actually challenge it by saying to yourself "this entire spiral began with a thought. A thought that my brain made up out of thin air and has zero basis in reality. My current spiral is based on nothing." Say this out loud. Believe it.
Originally Posted by
HA1989
They said 98-99% sure it’s fine.
Tell yourself out loud "The doctor found nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with this lump. It is benign." 98-99% is the best you can get from a doctor because NOTHING in life is 100%. This track of thinking that you need 100% assurance is something you will need to talk through with your therapist. CBT will help you reframe that thinking and get rid of that pattern of thought.
4) Finally, the number one thing that pulled me out of my HA spiral was realizing that I was in fact not living my life. Just like you, my biggest fear is not being able to cope with the process of being terminally ill. Death doesn't scare me but going through a cancer treatment process and having to put my life on hold is petrifying. The honest reality is that worrying about an eventual cancer or a cancer we've created in our heads is actually the same long drawn out process you describe as being afraid of. You are putting your life on hold, spending copious amounts of time worrying, and disengaging from reality. You are literally fulfilling your fear now! Take some time to practice challenging your thoughts and live your life.
Always feel free to reach out for help. We will be here for you
Best Wishes
__________________
I asked myself one day, "What if I actually don't have cancer? What if I'm not really dying? Then surely I'm alive and should be living."
Not a doctor or a psychologist, just a guy who's been to a lot of them.