My ptsd

[sleepylea]

Hey everyone. I was diagnosed with PTSD after I had a horrid car crash in May. If I had had any passengers they would have been dead for sure. I came out of it with only a broken collar bone and a few cuts and bruises. But the ptsd is something I didnt think would happen to me, and didnt realise just how much it changes your life.

The guilt I feel is huge. The car was only a month old and was a gift from my partner, and I feel so bad for wrecking it so quickly and wasting his money. I dont have a job now because I cant hold one down, and all the financial burden is on him. I cant talk to him about it anymore because I feel after all this time I should have got over it.

Everything is falling apart because of what I did, and I dont think I can ever get over this. The doctor is rubbish and i have asked time and time again for help, but they dont. I think they are doing the watchful waiting, even though I have told them I cant carry on anymore and that I see myself cutting my wrists in the kitchen. I feel so low I dont think I can get up. I cant put this one anyone I know because they just dont understand.

I start a new job tonight, but I cant go, I am in peices because everything is going wrong, I cant sleep and it doesnt seem like this is my life. Please can someone tell meI will be fine and this is normal, because it certainly doesnt feel like it.

Sorry this wasnt supposed to get so emotional for my first post.

[yorkylover]

Hi there and welcome to no panic.You really shouldnt feel so guilty,it was an accident and Im sure your partner is just happy you came back to him.Dont think what if,you had no passengers and so no one else was hurt.The car was damaged, its only a machine its replaceable,you survived and thats what matters.

Its is normal to feel how you are feeling,you have been through a traumatic experience.You need to see a gp who is willing to help you,you really need to talk this over with someone and not bottle it all up.Ask to see a different gp.

I wouldnt worry about the job,you need to think of yourself and get treatment,especially if you are suicidle.May wasnt that long ago,and it takes time to get over such a bad experience.

Talk with you partner,he wont know how your feeling unless you tell him,Im sure he will fully understand you.Things will get better in time.

[sleepylea]

Hi Ellen, Thanks for your reply.

I think your right, a different gp is the way forward, I mean its six months on, and even if he was doing watchful waiting, he *should* see from my notes mental illness runs in the family and this is not the first depression related episode I have had. I just dont like to push for things, I just dont feel I am worthy of their time (now THAT sounds attention seeking!), after all, talking through all of the symptoms and previous history takes soooo long.

This is the odd thing my partner has said time and time again that it was worth paying the money for a new car and being able to see me again each day. Yet I cant help but feel so bad about it.

I really dont want to keep banging on to him about what I have been through, he has been through enough himself, and I dont want to keep seeming down. Maybe tonight, when I get back from work (I am going to go, andI will be fine). I know it wasnt that long ago, but I for some reason keep thinking that, by now, I should be better. Suppose I just didnt really have that much of an understanding of ptsd.

I will let you know how I get on.

Thanks again.
Lea
xXxXx

[yorkylover]

Well done on going to work,see your not letting it beat you.

Your gp should have done something by now if you have already had mental health issue,sometimes you have to be pushy,I know thats difficult I had to take my family counsellor with me to do the talking on my behalf.

You will get there in the end.

[Glaucus@hotmail.com]

I am four months on from a vicious attack on me.

I can police it, but I am going through four months of continual hell. I wish I could get some help. I think the fascist *******s are deliberately torturing me.

I want validation and the conspirators put in jail for attempted murder. Not much chance of that!

No record of mental illness. Plenty of incidents of psychiatric injury.