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Thread: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dying

  1. #1

    Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dying

    Hi everyone,
    it is tough to explain what I am going through but I will give my best hoping that someone can help me...it will be a long message...

    Lately, I have been very bothered by severe anxiety and some kind of intense panic fear, which is more or less constantly present and it has now become a kind of obsession without any reason. I had similar episodes of anxiety before, I had panic attacks, sometimes out of the blue when I wasn't stressed at all (unfortunately I am prone to anxious behavior since childhood) but it was not a big problem and it didn't bother me a lot because the episodes were sporadic. They would happen, it would be uncomfortable, and I would just think on something else and then everything would pass eventually and I would move on with my life.

    However, sometime in August, I had a panic attack after a stressful situation, and from that moment on, even though the attack passed like any other, my mind got "fixated" on that situation and now I pretty much constantly feel some kind of panic in the sense that something terrible will happen, that I will die any second, etc......it seems like my mind is stuck in the fight-or-flight mode.

    In addition to that, I am also hyper-aware of my existence and I have somehow started to be afraid of my own consciousness and being alive in the first place. It's bizarre, especially since I am not suicidal and I like living, I would want to live forever if I could. But this feeling gives me terrible anxiety. It's like my mind is scared of reality when I become aware of it and it wants to "run away" from the body and shut itself down. But since that is not possible, anxiety builds up and I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack. It's a horrible feeling, I know one shouldn't be "overwhelmed" by simply existing. And I think this hyper-awareness is now causing this panic anxiety. This same feeling would precede previous panic attacks as well.

    This has all happened to me before, these same things (as I said, including hyper-awareness of my consciousness and surroundings) but the episodes would be short and less intense. But now these feelings are constant, my mind is stuck on autoloop and these thoughts are being repeated over and over so I am constantly stressed out even when I manage to relax. I just can't get it out of my head no matter what I do. And I always have a feeling that the mind wants to run away whenever I get so hyper-aware of my existence and my surroundings.

    Worst of all, I am aware that this is all a product of my mind. I know these fears are irrational and I am aware that there is no danger for me, but no matter how much I try to tell myself that it's just anxiety and that it will pass, anxiety and panic are still winning and it frustrates me a lot. On rare occasions, I do manage to switch focus to something else which is quite a relief when it happens (even though it's very briefly), but then these feelings come back stronger than they were and I have the impression that they are present in the background even when I manage to calm down (briefly that is). I would feel good temporarily and then suddenly I would become aware of my consciousness again, I would get the desire to "switch it off" when anxiety starts rising and everything would start from the beginning (I would be afraid of dying, losing my mind, etc ....which brings me to the edge of a panic attack).

    Is there any hope for me or will I be stuck in this loop forever? Is my mind broken? I haven't tried any medications, I have only tried to distract myself and think positively, which sometimes does help, but it's not strong enough to stop these things from happening in the long run. No psychological coping mechanism that I have tried can contain this type of anxiety when I start focusing on my consciousness and when I start feeling this panic fear. Am I suffering from an anxiety disorder and is there hope for a recovery?

    Any advice is very grateful. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    2,732

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Have you spoken to your GP about this? It might be worth it to discuss options. An antidepressant might help, definitely counselling and some CBT.

    I don't think you'll be stuck like this forever, it will get easier with time and with help. This is a great site with lots of information, tips and support.

  3. #3

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Quote Originally Posted by Catkins View Post
    Have you spoken to your GP about this? It might be worth it to discuss options. An antidepressant might help, definitely counselling and some CBT.

    I don't think you'll be stuck like this forever, it will get easier with time and with help. This is a great site with lots of information, tips and support.
    Yes, I've spoken with a psychiatrist about it, she told me it's a typical anxiety disorder. I haven't started any treatment yet but I am considering it since "positive thinking" only helps modestly.

    The best strategy I believe is to reduce the anxiety levels in the long run, that's the main issue here, but it's easier said than done.

    I have a feeling this single thought (hyper-awareness of myself and my surroundings) is giving me all this anxiety. I think a fear of having another panic attack has evolved into this obsession. It's like the mind was constantly "on alert", and now it "fears existing". It is so strange and bizzare, but I saw that other people had similar expereinces.

    I am not sure if this is depersonalization or maybe hyperawareness OCD. That fits the description of my problem.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    252

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    This sounds EXACTLY like my anxiety and panic attacks. Not fun. It's totally normal when anxious tho. I listened to an audio recently that explained this very well, it's called Fear of going insane or crazy - The anxious truth. I don't think i can post audio here but it helped me not be afraid of it. Either way, please know that what you're feeling is normal and not dangerous in any way, even tho it feels very weird

  5. #5

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Quote Originally Posted by Panda22 View Post
    This sounds EXACTLY like my anxiety and panic attacks. Not fun. It's totally normal when anxious tho. I listened to an audio recently that explained this very well, it's called Fear of going insane or crazy - The anxious truth. I don't think i can post audio here but it helped me not be afraid of it. Either way, please know that what you're feeling is normal and not dangerous in any way, even tho it feels very weird
    Thank you so much for your reply! Yes, I think this suits the description well, it is that fear + fear of dying (even though I know it can't happen).

    Do you also have this feeling that you are "overwhelmed" by your own consciousness and that feeling creates both panic and intense anxiety?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    252

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Yes i have that too, and i've seen that posted before quite often on these forums, so it's nothing weird or special at all! 'just' anxiety!!

  7. #7

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Quote Originally Posted by Panda22 View Post
    Yes i have that too, and i've seen that posted before quite often on these forums, so it's nothing weird or special at all! 'just' anxiety!!
    Yes, it's definitely more common than I thought, and before I opened this thread, I literally thought I was the only one experiencing this because the sensation that one feels stuck in their body/has anxiety because of the mere they are existing all of a sudden is so absurd to me, but as you say, it's anxiety.

    This week has been better. Distraction helps. I still have these thoughts and sensations, but I had some brief moments when I would "forget" about them and it was certainly a relief. It gets really bad at night when I am trying to sleep and I would often wake up feeling stressed and with typical anxiety symptoms (chest pain, palpitations, etc....). I don't have insomnia but I do wake up and then it may take some time to fall asleep again. But at least there have been "some" improvements as at least I am not anxious 24/7 like I used to be when I posted this topic. It needs time and patience, I guess.

    How are you now?

  8. #8

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    I have many of the same feelings and sensations. I also thought I was the only one until I found this forum. Horrible isn稚 it?

    I find I知 not too bad during the day as I have plenty of distractions and I can get lost in my work, but it can be really bad at night, especially when I知 trying to sleep.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  9. #9

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeM89 View Post
    I have many of the same feelings and sensations. I also thought I was the only one until I found this forum. Horrible isn’t it?

    I find I’m not too bad during the day as I have plenty of distractions and I can get lost in my work, but it can be really bad at night, especially when I’m trying to sleep.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Same, same.......it gets really bad at night. Have you tried any meds?

  10. #10

    Re: Hyper aware of my consciousness + constant panic fear of losing control and dyin

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuphead View Post
    Same, same.......it gets really bad at night. Have you tried any meds?
    I知 on a very low does of citalopram, but I知 thinking of asking the doctor for something stronger. How about you?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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