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Thread: Worsening - Rationalising

  1. #1
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    Oct 2016
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    Worsening - Rationalising

    Hi all,

    Iím writing this out to see if what Iím thinking makes sense, so if anyone has any comments (or corrections!), it would be very much appreciated.

    My anxiety lately, has become far worse, but Iím offsetting it by reassuring myself that there are almost valid reasons for it, and it will settle down once I get stability back, if I keep doing and start redoing the right things againÖ

    - My therapist stopped private work, so I spent ages deciding what to do treatment wise next.

    - Iíve been nodding along with an NHS ACT therapy guy, who is basically trying to corner me so I come out fighting - a lack of fight isnít my issue, and I actually think my fighting is actually the issue.

    - Iíve been pretty ill (just a bad cold I think), so the limited time I do spend exercising and doing physical stuff has gone out of the window, and been replaced my coughing and ruminating.

    - Everyone in the house has suddenly started going away on holidays and things again, so I am having to get used to spending large amounts of time on my own again.

    - My family are basically pleading with me constantly to start taking medication, and have adopted the attitude that because Iím not taking it, Iím not trying to get better. I think medication is becoming an option Iím open to, but Iím terrified to do it.

    - My Sister in Law and my Father (who I worry about) have both been in hospital in the last week.

    The result has been a ramping up of intrusive thoughts and a pretty constant derealisation. The thoughts are about the nature of reality and stuff, so Iím guessing that comes with such a constant low level derealisation - my old therapist simply says my mind is exhausted from the constant analysis of how I am, and why Iím like this. I canít remember the last time I felt OK, and itís driven me to a pretty dark place.

    I deleted my last post because it turned into unspecific rambling from me, which Iím determined this wonít. Just specifics and back out.

    If anyone can relate or has any comments, I would be very grateful for your input, as Iím freaking myself out. Does all that make sense?

    Thanks, PHR. x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    105

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    Quote Originally Posted by PHR View Post
    Hi all,

    Iím writing this out to see if what Iím thinking makes sense, so if anyone has any comments (or corrections!), it would be very much appreciated.

    My anxiety lately, has become far worse, but Iím offsetting it by reassuring myself that there are almost valid reasons for it, and it will settle down once I get stability back, if I keep doing and start redoing the right things againÖ

    - My therapist stopped private work, so I spent ages deciding what to do treatment wise next.

    - Iíve been nodding along with an NHS ACT therapy guy, who is basically trying to corner me so I come out fighting - a lack of fight isnít my issue, and I actually think my fighting is actually the issue.

    - Iíve been pretty ill (just a bad cold I think), so the limited time I do spend exercising and doing physical stuff has gone out of the window, and been replaced my coughing and ruminating.

    - Everyone in the house has suddenly started going away on holidays and things again, so I am having to get used to spending large amounts of time on my own again.

    - My family are basically pleading with me constantly to start taking medication, and have adopted the attitude that because Iím not taking it, Iím not trying to get better. I think medication is becoming an option Iím open to, but Iím terrified to do it.

    - My Sister in Law and my Father (who I worry about) have both been in hospital in the last week.

    The result has been a ramping up of intrusive thoughts and a pretty constant derealisation. The thoughts are about the nature of reality and stuff, so Iím guessing that comes with such a constant low level derealisation - my old therapist simply says my mind is exhausted from the constant analysis of how I am, and why Iím like this. I canít remember the last time I felt OK, and itís driven me to a pretty dark place.

    I deleted my last post because it turned into unspecific rambling from me, which Iím determined this wonít. Just specifics and back out.

    If anyone can relate or has any comments, I would be very grateful for your input, as Iím freaking myself out. Does all that make sense?

    Thanks, PHR. x
    Hi, Iím sorry youíre going through a very bad time at the moment.

    Many years ago, I suffered from derealisation. Itís just horrible isnít it? I never thought it would go. I felt that I was trying to constantly analyse how I felt and try and find a reason for it and somehow ďfightĒ my way back from it. Of course, you canít really ďthinkĒ yourself out of derealisationÖ it is one of the hardest things ever but the only way to ever come out of it is to thoroughly and completely accept it. This is obviously the last thing you want to do but it is the only way. You absolutely have to try and go about your daily business accepting and letting the feeling wash over you. When I first experienced it, it terrified me as I thought I was going mad. Then I came to this forum and did some reason on the subject and realised why I was experiencing it. Your old therapist is right, it is your mind having reached exhaustion and it is a protective mechanism I suppose. Actually, now I think about it, I cannot remember the exact moment I stopped feeling it.. I think it gradually lifted over time.

    Do you think you are maybe not getting on with your therapist - you could look to change to someone else?

  3. #3

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    I'm very sorry you're having such a tough time too PHR.One question - and forgive me if it's way off beam. Underneath everything else, do you think you might be very angry? Not sure why, but that was what came across when I read your message.

  4. #4
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    Oct 2016
    Posts
    581

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    Quote Originally Posted by silver_shoes View Post
    Hi, Iím sorry youíre going through a very bad time at the moment.

    Many years ago, I suffered from derealisation. Itís just horrible isnít it? I never thought it would go. I felt that I was trying to constantly analyse how I felt and try and find a reason for it and somehow ďfightĒ my way back from it. Of course, you canít really ďthinkĒ yourself out of derealisationÖ it is one of the hardest things ever but the only way to ever come out of it is to thoroughly and completely accept it. This is obviously the last thing you want to do but it is the only way. You absolutely have to try and go about your daily business accepting and letting the feeling wash over you. When I first experienced it, it terrified me as I thought I was going mad. Then I came to this forum and did some reason on the subject and realised why I was experiencing it. Your old therapist is right, it is your mind having reached exhaustion and it is a protective mechanism I suppose. Actually, now I think about it, I cannot remember the exact moment I stopped feeling it.. I think it gradually lifted over time.

    Do you think you are maybe not getting on with your therapist - you could look to change to someone else?
    Hi Silver,

    Thatís exactly it, Iíve got in a constant battle with myself, and am just confusing myself more and more. Itís actually made me depressed which I never get with my anxiety really. Constantly uncomfortable in myself, constantly thinking about the state Iím in.

    I try so hard to just leave it alone whilst I carry on, but Iím struggling to work now, and canít focus on anything or enjoy anything, so itís very difficult. I canít remember what Ďnormalí feels like anymore.

    That is what I have to do though I think, stop the analysing, and give the mind time to rest, itís just easier said than done. Glad to hear you got out of it though, hope youíre OK.

  5. #5
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    Oct 2016
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    581

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    Quote Originally Posted by chinesewall View Post
    I'm very sorry you're having such a tough time too PHR.One question - and forgive me if it's way off beam. Underneath everything else, do you think you might be very angry? Not sure why, but that was what came across when I read your message.
    Erm, I wouldnít say angry. More hopeless and confusedÖ and a little p*ssed off with it all to be honest.

  6. #6
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    Jul 2019
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    392

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    I'm sorry you're still struggling; Phil :(

  7. #7
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    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    Quote Originally Posted by Scissel73 View Post
    I'm sorry you're still struggling; Phil :(
    Honestly didnít know anxiety could do this.

    Iíll keep doing the right things, Iím sure it will pass.

    Hope you are good.

  8. #8
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    Oct 2016
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    581

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    I donít know what the hell is going on with me at the minute, as in Iím not sure how much of my symptoms are the cold Iíve had for about 3 weeks, how much of it is anxiety (or if the cold is making me anxious), or if its low mood. There is no wavering, I just have a constant head pressure, canít focus on anything and am constantly tiredÖ until I try to sleep that is. The symptoms feel too constant to be anxiety, but are too horrible to just be a cold. Very odd, but very scary.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2016
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    581

    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    This foggy derealised feeling has been awful the last few days, despite me cracking on and ignoring it. Does anyone have any other ideas of how to snap myself out of it? The only thing I havenít been doing that I think might help is exercising.

  10. #10
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    Re: Worsening - Rationalising

    Phil, with all due respect, you deleted a nearly year long thread saying it was 'unspecific rambling". How is this thread really any different?

    FMP
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