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Thread: My dad died

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    110

    My dad died

    I posted a few months ago about being worried about my dad being in heart failure. Well he was in and out of our local hospital with extreme water retention and heart failure for the next couple of months until his consultant finally admitted him to another hospital over an hour away because he wanted to help him more. Well my dad was there for just over two weeks and he died suddenly a couple of days after telling me they were starting to plan for his discharge home.

    I got a phone call from my mum as I was driving to work on Tuesday 24th August and she told me he wasnít going to make it, heíd had a sudden downturn overnight and we needed to go straight to his hospital and be with him. I immediately turned around and ditched work and my clients and headed home to pick up my mum to drive us to the hospital.

    I didnít even make it home before he died.

    We didnít get to be with him, he was with three nurses when he died instead of with family.

    We went to see him afterwards for ďclosureĒ. Not sure how much closure I got from that, but I know for damn sure I gained some new nightmares from that image.

    My anxiety since my dad passed away has been RIDICULOUS. I feel sick constantly, reflux is playing up, chest pains, shoulder pains, headaches, scared to go anywhere but forcing myself to go to the office, overwhelmed at work, dizziness, panic attacks. You name it, Iíve got it. Health anxiety and OCD have been triggered big time. Iím just a mess now.

    Weíve had the funeral, it was actually really nice and he would have been proud but I feel like itís happened to someone else, like Iím just floating around watching it happen. I go through the day ignoring that heís dead and almost pretending like everything is normal. But if I didnít do that I wouldnít get out of bed.

    No point to this post, I just had to get this out somewhere.


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  2. #2

    Re: My dad died

    I'm sorry you are hurting. I think sometimes it takes people a while to grieve. There's no timeline. Take your time and grieve as long as you need to. I've been there. I know it's a tough road. It will get easier in time.

    Sent from my moto g power using Tapatalk

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    1,325

    Re: My dad died

    So sorry for your loss. My mum died earlier this year and I found it really difficult. Would you consider calling Cruse about some grief counselling?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    26,268

    Re: My dad died

    I'm really sorry to hear your dad has died.

    Plenty on here (sadly) will understand what you are going through. Support is here if you need it.

    My GF lost her mum to cancer. They were called from the hospice but didn't make it in time. You must feel cheated, I just can't imagine not being there for mine in these circumstances. You mustn't let your mind tell you to feel guilty because nothing would stop you getting there, it was sadly not to be. Your dad wasn't alone at the end and he would have known you were coming. He knew he was loved.

    This is such an enormous event in your life so it's no wonder your mental health is suffering. I think you just have to find what keeps you going and not think too much about any backward step in your anxiety because this would be a blow to anyone. Add that to anxiety and it's going to exploit the areas you already struggled with. It will settle down but perhaps until then you just have to plod through it?

    I think it's also important not to allow your anxiety to make you feel guilty for being anxious. Having your worries doesn't detract from your feelings over your dad and supporting your mum. Anxiety may try to tell you not being 100% upset only about your dad or being detached from feelings means you are selfish. That's false and just one of it's tricks to kick you. Your dad wouldn't think badly of you for feeling both grief and your existing mental health problems.
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    5,891

    Re: My dad died

    I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    14,099

    Re: My dad died

    Fizzymoon, you mustn't feel guilty for not being there with him..How could you possibly have been in the circumstances? You didn't fail your Dad in any way and he would be so distressed if he knew just how terrible you feel now. He would not want you to be suffering for what was beyond anyone's control.

    I was with my dad when he died in hospital but the traumatic memory of that has stayed with me. It's not always the perfect family at the bedside passing.

    The shock and trauma of your dad's death will be playing a big part in how you are feeling now both physically and mentally. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to grieve for your dad? He knew he was loved. You haven't let him down. You're suffering now and he wouldn't want that.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,921

    Re: My dad died

    So sorry for your loss , it will take time to come to terms with what has happened but you will always carry it with you , twenty years ago I lost my dad suddenly and it was a good six months before it hit me that he had really gone for good , I didn’t handle it well at all , last year I lost my mum and I didn’t see her in hospital because of covid so I have a lot of regrets about her dying alone but I do know that she wouldn’t want me to be unhappy and neither would your dad , I have daughters and I wouldn’t want them to be until happy if I passed away in fact I’d like them to laugh at my funeral, yesterday would have been my mums birthday so I left some flowers at the beach for her and had a talk to her , I know they can’t hear but it helps .
    Take care .

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    3,697

    Re: My dad died

    Wishing my condolences at this difficult time for you.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    392

    Re: My dad died

    Wishing you well during this difficult time.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    23,410

    Re: My dad died

    Sending positive thoughts....

    FMP
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