Anyone else feel generally low and outcast?

[LF87]

Hi,
I just wondered if anyone struggles with feeling very beneath everyone else, and just a total stranger to 'normal' people. I didn't see my friends for a while because of H anxiety and other reasons, but I'm back to seeing them all again which is lovely. But, because of my illness I've not worked since I qualified 2 years ago as an OT. My friends are all married, kids, work full time and I'm just pathetic really. I care for my Mum, I get an allowance for that. They know that and are very supportive. But lately, when I see them, they say things like come on you're wasting yourself, you'd feel so much better working part time, or getting your driving license. Which yes, correct, I'd feel great. But I just feel like I have no excuse for my existence at the moment? Apparently being a carer means nothing and everyone thinks I'm wasting myself. I don't know if I'm paranoid, or what. I know they genuinely mean well but the comments don't make me feel good. My partner says the same but in a more scathing manner 'youre 34 why aren't you driving, why aren't you back in the gym, the house should be tidier' ill add on top of my own illness my dad died suddenly last June, the height of lockdown (UK). Just wondered if anyone had similar feelings? X

[Heather1234]

Hi,
I just wondered if anyone struggles with feeling very beneath everyone else, and just a total stranger to 'normal' people. I didn't see my friends for a while because of H anxiety and other reasons, but I'm back to seeing them all again which is lovely. But, because of my illness I've not worked since I qualified 2 years ago as an OT. My friends are all married, kids, work full time and I'm just pathetic really. I care for my Mum, I get an allowance for that. They know that and are very supportive. But lately, when I see them, they say things like come on you're wasting yourself, you'd feel so much better working part time, or getting your driving license. Which yes, correct, I'd feel great. But I just feel like I have no excuse for my existence at the moment? Apparently being a carer means nothing and everyone thinks I'm wasting myself. I don't know if I'm paranoid, or what. I know they genuinely mean well but the comments don't make me feel good. My partner says the same but in a more scathing manner 'youre 34 why aren't you driving, why aren't you back in the gym, the house should be tidier' ill add on top of my own illness my dad died suddenly last June, the height of lockdown (UK). Just wondered if anyone had similar feelings? X

First, im so sorry about your dad passing. its a loss than is felt deeply.

I remember when I was caretaker for my mom, and then when I had small babies at home. Both very important work, but they can make you feel disconnected. On top of the pandemic issues, im sure it compounds it.

I will also add that comparison to others is a road that leads to nowhere except disappointment. You have to do what works for you. Being a caretaker is a lot of work! Its both physical & emotional. Especially emotional.

Maybe plan some fun outing if schedule will allow. Try to just live in the moment while your out. I know its easier said than done. Trust me.

Sent from my SM-G960U1 using Tapatalk

[cluelessworry]

Hello,

I think I know what you might mean. I feel alienated from the world sometimes, I feel like I'm just a body...functioning...but my mind is elsewhere miles away. I feel like a burden, a spec of dirt, a peice of crab. I feel unworthy and useless to this world because of my health anxiety. I am a mother daughter sister wife but yet I feel like my worries just consume me and I don't want to be part of anyone's life.

[Magic]

Sorry for the loss of your Dad LF57. i am not bothered about what poeple think of me. I don't need any friends in real iife. Only on NMP. i cannot drive.
As soon as I put my mobile phone on in a morning al,i get is pictures of my relations on something called Facebook. Dining out or on holiday. Nothing but show offs in my opinion. I have done my duty to everything I have had to deal with in my life up to now. i do have worries at times but don't we all?
Please think of yourselves too, you are all human beings. Please take care xxx

[pav1984]

I would recommend going to your doctor, it sounds like you are feeling a bit low. If you are able to exercise and it is safe for you to do so then this might help you to feel a bit better.

Keep seeing friends as this might also help. It can be easy to get in the habit of not seeing people.

Driving isn't for everyone. Although handy, if you don't want or can't drive then there really isn't a problem in my mind.

I think caring for someone is a nice thing and valuable to the person you are caring for. Remember that there is no problem with seeking help if you need it.

Remember to find time for you. Do something you enjoy.

I recommend that you find a doctor you trust and talk to them. Don't let yourself get down.

[Cusper]

LF87! It's been a while since I have seen or messaged you. First off, being a carer is important work no matter what anyone says. My good friend who also lives in the UK does that work and I can tell you she makes people's lives so much better because she is a ray of sunshine to them. Also, I think it is extremely honourable that you are doing that for your mum. I admire people who take care of their parents because many don't and won't. Yes you are 34 and yes you don't have your license but driving on the left side of the road can be scary!! no all joking aside, I am 46 and still don't have a license and I just got my learners now. I am going to get it but people with anxiety have issues with driving. It just may take a little more time than most. However I do agree with some of your friends.. sometimes just getting out and getting out of your comfort zone where you meet and talk with different people can really be helpful. This pandemic has really put me in a psychological rut for sure but since I have reached out to others it has helped. Not even to people I know exactly either. What made you happy before? I mean say, before your father's death, before the pandemic... is there something you have an interest in? There is a whole big world out there with interesting things. Sometimes when I get in a rut (i love travel) I just go on youtube and watch different places that people travel to. (that is just an example) I remember when the last time we spoke we were both obsessing over different symptoms we were experiencing. I do believe when I spend too much time at home or not doing something challenging is when those symptoms come up and convinces me that I am dying. But in reality I know that I am not living the way I should be and it manifests into symptoms. I also know that paranoid feeling of what people think of me. Although also in reality... people probably don't think of me all that much to begin with. We are our own worst critics. As far as your boyfriend, well, if my husband said scathing things to me.... well he wouldn't. A man who says anything to a woman in her mid 40's will be met with pure rage so, it doesn't happen. But as for your boyfriend... if I were to give him the benefit of the doubt, I am sure he thinks he is being helpful and might be genuinely worried about you and is trying to give you suggestions to help solve some of your issues. Is your therapist helpful in this regard? Sometimes it might just take a little step. Just a little one. Maybe even just looking into possibilities or even finding a local support group if that is possible where you meet people who have some of the same issues. Even coming on here is so good because you are reaching out. I am in a similar boat to you in some ways because I am a mom and have to care for others and I work from home but slowly since December of last year I have been taking little steps... and although I am far from free of my anxiety, I am further on from last year at this time. I have lost 3.2 stone since February and am no longer at risk for diabetes. I think I remember telling you that I was overweight. But it was just one day at a time. And now I can take pictures with my family again. Back then I would hide because I was so ashamed at how I looked. My point is, I have little goals that have grown over time. Really, my real goal was just to stay sober this year and not get diabetes full blown. So far I am still sober and I don't have diabetes. They are not huge to some people but that was about it. Oh and you know I was thinking that even grief counselling groups could be very good. You can talk about your father's death with people who are experiencing the same things. It is so important. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want. I hope this didn't sound too preachy. Please, of all things know you matter and being a carer is bringing love to another person by taking care of them and that is compassionate and important work. However, it is also important to take care of yourself and your needs.

[Scissel]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know words mean little sometimes. Please allow yourself to grieve this loss and don't over-medicate - I (unfortunately) was highly medicated during my dearly departed father's passing that I have huge chunks of memory loss. I still haven't "processed" it and to this day think he will come to my door again.

Like @Magic:

I am also not worried about what others think of me anymore at 48 (near 49). I don't have any friends in real life and I also don't drive. I don't socialize other than online now. I'd rather be left alone to be honest. Friends tens to make things worse imo. I was glad to see you put normal in quotes because there is no such thing and I'm proud to be an outsider. You are an individual. Be proud of that.

I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope at least something we've written will bring you (at least) some comfort. Please keep posting here if it helps you. We're here to listen.

Side note: I hope you feel better @cluelessworry

~Sal