Hi - there just want to speak to people that understand anxiety and depression and how debilitating it can be.

A couple of years ago I had a full on nervous breakdown and during that period my father died - we had to deal with probate. Every day was a struggle to do one small thing. My nervous breakdown started with my job for a housing charity. Every day that I wen,t I was having panic attacks all day and couldn't breath. One day I logged out of my PC and realised I couldn't come back. I had to use my savings to live off for nearly six months - and then that's when my then my father died.

I was unable to go out and see friends or really do much on a daily basis - my body was in recovery and I was constantly exhausted. I have one group of friends that have no understanding of mental health - they presumed the answer to everything was a night out/a holiday/a cuppa. Trying to tell them that my head was shaking, I couldnt speak and had fight or flight nearly all day was a waste of time. So I gave them a wide berth for almost a year, this has helped and we are still not on the same footing. They generally find me tiring and exhausting - what they don't understand is this how i feel about myself.

I have another group of friends that feel they can come into my house and tell me what I need to do. Cook for me, clean for me and generally interfere and micromanage me. I also had to tell them they needed to leave me alone to recover in my own time and they were making me more anxious.

Anyway, I've felt slightly better over the last year. And I truly believe the lockdown gave me a chance to recover and rest without judgement. When restrictions were lifted I sold my house - however the house I was buying fell through. My buyer waited - and she has waited nearly a year. I found a house and was due to move next week I have packed many things and the house is in chaos - and this second property has fallen through because there was a massive issue on the survey that I couldn't afford to deal with.

I must add - I am not a victim and don't see myself as such. But I am a single parent, I have had early stage breast cancer and my partner died suddenly when my son was 5 years old. So I also have PTSD. But I worked through all of these, but when I got to the pressured job - it was a literally a pressure cooker waiting to explode.

Also last year, my son had very poor mental health and I had to help him through therapy and addiction. And stay strong. But here I am, and now I can't, this last episode with the house has set me back, i was worried about moving anyway, feeling anxious and stressed but when it fell through I didn't sleep for 3 nights so the doctor gave me a few zopiclone, I'm also on mirtazapine and pregabalin. They help in small ways.

The question I really want to ask of you all is this: my friends make me feel that when I am like this they are the answer to my recovery, but I know when I am like this, good films, books and walks help me to regenerate and work through the 'crisis'. Because it's not only mental, it very physical. I'm a very private independent person - and I know they can't get in my head and understand how I feel, but talking is exhausting and company is exhausting. Is this normal? I feel like I've pushed a lot of people away because of this because it's the only way I can manage.

Thanks for listening.