Battling on

[carriewriting]

Literal laugh or you'll cry moment today.

I just got back from seeing my therapist and was feeling pretty good. Then I go to get changed into workout clothes and discover a huge oily mark on the front of my dress right over my left breast. I strip off my dress and see my bra is soaked. Check my breast and it's covered in oil!!

The bra insert has leaked all over me!

Have scrubbed myself three times with soapy water.

Taking deep breaths and trying not to catastrophise about breast cancer.

It's an odorless oil so I'm guessing it's mineral based. Hopefully nothing too nasty in it, but too late if it was.

Talk about the last thing I need right now.

Also my dress was new! So annoying. I was wearing a denim jacket over the dress so no idea how long it had been there but possibly up to 3 hours.

[pulisa]

Can you imagine carcinogenic oil being a component of a bra insert?

[carriewriting]

Thanks Pulisa, I know it's dumb, but talk about just my luck to have this happen! From now on I'll be wearing plain old ordinary bras with no inserts!

[Carys]

What is a bra insert ? I thought they were foam and stuff.

[carriewriting]

Carys these were squishy as they have a mix of oil and water (like an implant I guess).

Anyway, since that happened I've cycled through about 10 other health anxiety things so I've barely thought about it!

I didn't expect to back slide so hard, but my hyper vigilance is next level. I need to get some new defence strategies.

[pulisa]

I think you need to believe in the strategies you already use to your advantage and be strict with yourself.

[Carys]

Yeah - with Pulisa. You have the answers, you are using them already, just up your game with the strategies you know

[pulisa]

Keep things simple and don't feel you need to incorporate a new approach because you don't. Just have faith in your own judgement as regards known triggers and don't give in to harmful compulsions which bring predictable outcomes.

[carriewriting]

Thanks Pulisa and Carys. I needed to read this. As you can no doubt tell, I'm really struggling, but checking in here helps a lot.

[pulisa]

You need to reinforce what you already know and have faith in your proven resilience and determination to be able to manage your HA successfully. You've had a really rough time recently and dealing with all the trauma of bereavement will have had a knock on effect on your MH...You're only human, Carrie and it's so tough when you're trying to keep your head above water in such difficult times. I'm glad it helps to post on here..x