Hi everybody. Excuse my English, it is not my native language.
I am 52 years old male, nonsmoker. For like 20 years I am suffering from health anxiety, mostly cancerophobia. Until now I have been wrong, but I fear this time it is different.
Here is a little of my history:
2000-2005: BLADDER CANCER SCARE: Pain in testicles, urinating frequency, burning when urinating. Once there were bacteria and UTI, but many times they found nothing, even when I had brown discharge from penis. Didn't do cytoscopy, but there was no blood or bacteria in urine.
2005-2010: STOMACH and later COLON CANCER SCARE: Stomach problems, colon problems, dyspepsia, urgency, diarrhea, constipation, mucus in stool, tenesmus, had to go like 8 times... Gastroscopy found healthy stomach and was in pain to roll over in bed.
2010-2011: ANUS CANCER SCARE: Rectal pain. Pain in the anus lasting for days and months, together with testical pain and some urinary frequency (similar to what I have now to some degree). Finaly went to proctoscopy and he found nothing. Went to colonoscopy, found small polyp, non dangerous type, removed it. Problem continued until...
2011-2013: ALS SCARE: ...Muscles started to fasciculate, firstly index finger one for days, than others. Tremor when waking in the morning, paresthesias, nerve pain.... but mostly fasciculations (twitching) everywhere.
From 2014 I continued to have symptoms and scares. I remember I had weird feeling in my thumb that didn't go away for 6 months and I could not wipe my hands because it hurt so much. I had this problems with throat I thought it was throat cancer and I am still having globus most of the days, too scared to check with ENT doctor... I have problems with my neck for 1 year, did MRI of the neck and found just a few discs are not ok, but doesn't explain the pain... I still had some urinary problems now and then and bower problems as I was diagnosed with IBS and functional stomach dyspepsia. I have sometimes hemorrhoid problems, twice I had external one that gave me great pain and sometimes my anus burned after a heavy bowel movement and it went away after a day or so. Guess some small fissure now and then...
Nobody never found nothing wrong, although I am kind of problematic because I do not usually want to go to the examination for a long time or never (so I never did EMG for asciculations), because I think it is already too late for me. Cancer if it is stage I does not have such strong symptoms as I have and if it is stage IV I do not want to know. In ALS, there is no hope at all, until I check it I still have hope... That is my behavioral style, although I know it is wrong, I can not go to doctors all the time.
I did have some psychotherapy and each time I think I found a way out, but obviously I have not. Age is a special problem for me, as having health anxiety does not mean I can not get seriously ill, after 50 most of the cancers start to really accelerate their incidence :-( I mean, having bladder problems 10 years ago that were obviously nothing serious doesn't mean I don't have bladder cancer stage IV now...
Now on to my latest problem... In late august I hade some strange flu, also lost smell for 2 days, I never got tested, stayed at home, I will never know if it was covid 19 or not... I had fever 38 C which is not so much, but I felt really ill with sore throat for a week and another week I was very weak...
One week into disease I got to have a bowel movement and I had almost diarrhea and in THE SAME bw I then had constipation. I remember that that was weird for me, it is usually vice versa. I though if maybe I have tumor that is blocking my solid stool. From that day my burning rectal pain returned. It is throbbing and gnawing, like a dull ache somewhere in the anus, not very far in. I still do not feel anything wrong there when I put my finger inside, sometimes I feel a lump or two which I think is hemorrhoid as I had the same lumps in 2010.
Now last 10 days I also got first testicular pain and now urinary frequency problem. Like I would have burning anus, burning perineum, burning tip of penis, testicular pain, like if I am dying inside there... It has to be cancer, what else would progress so much :-( But there are some weird things I am noticing, some of them correlate to my 2010 problem with anal pain...
1. I have urgency to go to make a bowel movement first thing that I wake up. I mean like 10 minutes after! I know this is a dream, but it is unusual to me and only happened in 2010 anal pain scare...
2. My urinary symptoms this 10 days are 90% gone during the night (sometimes I feel tip of penis when I wake at night and sometimes I have to go to bathroom once at night, but this is like 10+ years), and my anus never burns when I sleep!
3. I have most problems when I sit, like in the chair (I am computer programmer) and drive in car. I have less problem when I walk (only urinary urgency stays this days) and it is better lying down.
4. Sit baths help pain a little and sitting on the toilet also (don't know why).
5. I feel similar to 2010 although my urinary problems are worse now. When my bladder get a little urine I have strong testicular pain and I need to go to pee asap). I feel like prostatistis meets bladder infection meets testicular infection and anal infection...
I am checking stool color and sometimes it is more red, but I have yet to see blood for real. I eat a lot of red like tomato, blackberries, pepper, etc. I have yet to see blood in urine, although I am paranoiac it is too brown most of the time. I do not mean coca cola dark brown but tan color (white person tan), light brown/desaturated, not like I see on photos that the urine is like bright yellow. But I never have like dark brown or pink or red...
Now why I am scared of the bladder cancer so much. In fact I feared anal cancer for 2.5 months but now this urinary symptoms.... I had blood in urine 2.5 years ago, 4-10 RBC instead of 0-3 RBC. I tested again next week and it was ok, I did ultrasound of the internal organs with full bladder and it was ok. But now I think this has maybe been the beginning of bladder cancer. Because blood in mean WITHOUT symptoms of urinary infection is mostly ... cancer... I read... Maybe that was the beginning and now it is stage IV. I do admit I do not know what it would present itself with anal burning or the first 2.5 months, I had anal problems before urinary ones... That is weird for bladder cancer...
I am not sure what to think any more, tomorrow I will go to check my urine again and blood works and I am so scared there will be blood again confirming my hypothesis. I mean, something is obviously wrong down there and it has spread over my testicles, bladder, penis, prostate and anus in 3 months, like metastasis all over ...
What else could it possibly be? Can anybody relate to anything similar?
On top of this I got some vertigo 1 month ago... When turning in bed I got vertigo, was like drunk when standing up and it gradually lessens. Until then I have vertigo every morning and when looking left/right sometimes and when lying down. I didn't panic up to now, I thought is is the benign positional vertigo, like a calcium in my ear that is loose and I did the maneuvers that should help but they didn't. But now I get this "seizures" in my head... Happened like 8 times up to now, not even know how to describe them... They happen for 1/10 second, like my consciousness is shutting down, the picture (if I have open eyes) gets turned over and I feel like falling down and then it clicks and it goes back again. It is scary and I am not sure what it is. But after such episode I get some vertigo, spinning sensation. But I am 100% it is not the benign vestibular type as when this happens I do not move my head at all. But up to now, I am mostly lying down! Now I think a stroke must be preparing... if the bowel cancer doesn't kiil me...
I admit I am in a terrible mental state right now, can not focus on anything but on this problems and thinking of making a death will... this can all not be benign. Maybe my pelvis problems metastases to my head and I also have a brain tumor.
I am so scared to give blood and urine tomorrow, I feel all the parameters will be bad, also CEA, CA-19, PSA tests...
This covid 19 really got me, I was much better mentaly from 2016 till 2020, I was dancing and organizing dance evenings... now there is no socializing, 1 year ago I divorced etc...
Thank you for everybody who read this till the end...
Jerry
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Originally Posted by jerry2
