We’ll it’s that time of year again where we all live the life of an M&S advert , laughing and pulling crackers round the Christmas dinner table then outside to sing carols in the fresh snow , needle scratches across the record and reality takes over , a lot of Christmas’s are more like The Pogues Fairytale of New York video .
Dont get me wrong my idea of a perfect Christmas is having all my family round eating and drinking too much and watching a cheesy Christmas film together , the reality very rarely goes this way , people who are ill will still be ill over Christmas , baby Jesus doesn’t wave his magic wand and everyone is okay for a while , mental illness doesn’t take a holiday.
I desperately want to have a good Christmas and most of all give my friends and family a good Christmas after all it is more about giving than receiving, but that little bug in my head wants to ruin it before it’s started , a little worry about loved ones being poorly or falling out will soon snowball into a Christmas horror .
Take today , we put our tree up and decorated it , an hour later one leg broke on a brand new tree and it went crashing to the floor breaking glass baubles everywhere, we tidied up and a short while later my partner rushed to the toilet and returned to say she was passing blood again , it didn’t fill me with Christmas spirit .
Its been a tough 18 months for most of us , some have had it worse than others , my depression would love to take over and my anxiety is itching to ruin Christmas but for now I still have breath in my body so I’m not quite giving up on the concept of a happy Christmas.
If it’s shite there is always this place so we won’t be alone in our misery , it does love company apparently.
Tomorrow I’ll be taking that freakin’ tree back for another and if they argue they’ll be on top of the next one like a fairy with a tree up the jacksie .
Happy Christmas