So I've been really going through it with my HA, over the past week I have really spiralled from one thing to another. My last bout was a year ago, sometimes it can be a year sometimes longer but anytime either myself or a loved one becomes unwell it starts again. Also since the pandemic I've become more worried about the world and where it's going ect as well as climate change all sorts of things that could possibly negatively effect mine or my families lives. I've also noticed that my general mood/depression has become a lot worse over the past couple of years to the point that I was just existing not living, I have no real enjoyment in anything anymore and have zero motivation, I've pilled on weight and have no interest in anything really. I have managed to take care of my children and force myself to go out once a week to meet my mum and sister but other than school runs that's it. Now my HA has hit and I'm terrified that this is my life now, that my future is full of fear and pain. I'm 37 so not "old" but getting older and the only person that truly understands me and who i am most close to is my mum she is 67 now and I live in fear of her getting ill and or passing I don't feel I could go on without her. Then there's the fact that as I age I'm likely to get more illnesses too which also terrifies me. So is there any hope? What can i do? Are there ways of learning to cope with these thoughts and feelings? I've done CBT in the past but the issue i had was once that bout had passed i was too afraid to carry on because it reminded me of my fears and what i had just been through, like i want to just try to forget about in case i set it off again. I want to live again I want to feel enjoyment and happiness again, I want to have hope . I want to give my children a fun life 😢