I've never posted before but have lurked for a number of years. A bit about me: Female, 44, overweight with long term hyperthyroidism (random, I know, as normally people who are hyper are underweight!) I had an emergency laparotomy 6 years ago due to a perforated bowel after a car accident. I've had IBS symptoms since being a teen.


I've had health anxiety for as long as I can remember. My mum had HA. However, around 3 years ago, after convincing myself I had bone cancer after a bout of cellulitis (previously brain tumours, breast cancer, MS etc. etc.), I stepped away from Google and tried to rationalise my worries as much as possible.


Then, about 12-18 months ago, it all started to go wrong...I started with a 'popping' sensation in my left abdomen. This happened when I bent over, moved suddenly, applied pressure to my abdomen. I could feel movement but I couldn't feel a mass as such - although I am overweight. There was definitely something, as when I pressed from the left side, I could feel internal movement. I could feel a weird sensation when laying in bed. I tried rationalising this as 'it could be scar tissue/adhesions'.


I've basically buried my head in the sand and ignored it, thinking that it would go away. It hasn't. At one point, after losing a lot of weight (intentionally) it was popping about up to 10 x a day. I wasn't in any pain. I also convinced myself that if something is moving/palpable it's not an issue.


Fast forward to early Oct and I was randomly feeling along my collarbone and I discovered a small lump along the left collarbone. I can honestly hold my hands up and say, I've never been one to feel for lymph nodes so I didn't know what it was. It's small (probably 0.5cm) - a little squishy - seems to change in size a bit. I've no idea how long it has been there. I wondered if it might be a lipoma (note, positive thinking!) so I Googled (bad move!) and discovered that it is probably my supraclavicular lymph node and that these are linked to problems in the abdomen. I had a panic and filled in an E-Consult and I was called to attend a follow up appointment in under a week.


The GP appointment was great but due to COVID and hardly any other patients - so thorough. I was able to talk about every little niggle I was suffering with - pain shooting behind nasal passage, sciatica type pain plus the big hitters - the movement in the abdomen and the lump on my collarbone. I was in for 40 mins!!! The GP ordered bloods and an ultrasound. I've had the bloods but haven't rung for the results, as I'm so scared but I know that my GP surgery are excellent and if anything was out of range I'd have been told. I know I'm completely avoiding. The ultrasound has been an absolute pain - I haven't had it yet despite having BUPA! The hospital couldn't find my referral and then both my twins took it in turns to get COVID and I've been told that I must go 10 days from the date they stop quarantine to have my ultrasound.


In the last two weeks, in particular, it has completely ramped up in terms of symptoms and my anxiety, I've been a complete wreck with the following symptoms:

- Pain at night in left abdomen
- Pressure under left rib as before
- Pain in the lymph node
- Middle/ lower and upper back pain
- Sciatica as before
- Head pain as before
- IBS symptoms as always

Yesterday and tonight, I've had a lighter coloured, floating poo and completely freaked out. I'm now massively worried that I have pancreatic cancer which is in my supraclavicular lymph node and therefore I'm a goner.

I'm really really trying to have balanced thinking e.g. the movement in abdomen has been there for a long time, it could be scar tissue, the supraclavicular lymph node might not be even enlarged, it could have been caused by my Covid vaccinations, pancreatic cancer is rare at my age etc. but I'm struggling.