Breast Cancer (Step mum)

[Siffi]

So my step mum had a mammogram as a routine check up. She had a letter a week later saying that she has been called back to the breast clinic for further tests. She was worried about it and I told her maybe it is a cyst or something they can deal with there and then. She had to have further scans and a biopsy there. Her results came through and they moved her appointment forward from the 16th to 8th (today). The doctor said it was breast cancer and she needs surgery and radiotherapy starting next week. We are so shocked and devastated here. I really feel for my step mum and I am not sure what to say. I just snap shut. Having lost my mum to cancer 14 years ago, it's bringing back all sorts of memories. Just looking for advice on how to deal with this and the right things to say. I want to cry, god knows how she feels. I can't stand seeing another person sad or ill. It feels like everything has come crashing down.
Thanks in advance

[Carys]

Hi

Can I recommend highly to you this website.

https://breastcancernow.org/

There are a wide variety of resources on there, including forums (you can ask BC nurses questions on there), helplines and all sorts of leaflets and information. They are the same people who provide all the information in hospitals to BC patients.

I was diagnosed with BC about 5 and a half years ago, and am totally clear since that surgery and treatment. There is every reason to expect your Stepmum's surgery and treatment to be a success too, as it nowadays is for the majority of women. Breast Cancer is very treatable now and there are an array of modern treatments which are tailored to an individual. I know its hard to know what to say, and of course every person is different in how much they want to talk and what they want to talk about - but I know that I found it helpful that people just listened to me and asked how I was. The crashing down/shock you feel now won't last, once the surgery takes place and the treatment plan is ready to begin, a sense of control and positivity takes over - the cancer is removed and is being dealt with. These few days are the worst emotionally, you will all come to terms with it over the next few weeks and focus on getting through it as a family. It is totally normal to feel sadness, fear, anger and every manner of emotions at this point. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to - but also do take a look at the website

[Siffi]

Thanks so much. And it's much appreciated you shared your story. Glad you're clear. Still getting through it. She told us she was so scared and that was upsetting. Don't blame her at all for feeling like that of course. My dad and I have bad colds because we are stressed with worry. I will check out the website. They did give my step mum quite a few leaflets but she does not want to read them. She has an appointment on Tuesday morning with a surgeon/oncologist to discuss things further. So at least we know where to go from there like you said.

[Deb350]

So sorry to hear about your step mum. I was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly 10 years ago and the first couple of weeks following diagnosis are very distressing.

It sounds like she’s got a supportive family around her which is great, once she’s got a treatment plan in place I’m sure she will feel a bit better.

My advice, just be there to listen, offer an ear for her to vent her fears, my family didn’t want to listen to my concerns about illness, I don’t think they could accept it themselves.

I don’t blame her for not wanting to read the information they’ve given her, my leaflets lived on top of the fridge for the first month!

Practical help is also a great benefit, offer of a lift to treatment, cook a meal, etc, it all helps.

Sending your step mum and all of you best wishes.