I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Carys]

Nora, this thread is an incredible resource now - for others.

[NoraB]

Nora, thank you for writing all the things I couldn't articulate.

Cheers Blue..

I always worry that I waffle on way too much and that people will zone out part-way through my EPIC posts. (I dozed off twice whilst writing that one)

[Catkins]

Yes, brilliant post Nora.

[Chlobo]

I haven’t upped my dose yet Nora, I’m still on the 5mg which I’ve been on for 5 weeks. I feel absolutely awful from morning till about 3pm ish when I start feeling okay. But the loose stool isn’t stopping. I don’t need to run to the loo, but it’s there every morning. When should I see a doctor?

[Chlobo]

Yes I did It genuinely helped me to make sense of what could have been a catalyst. Once I identified why I was predisposed to certain thought patterns, I felt like I could actively address my problems. Now, this is the important bit - my past trauma was only what pushed me into an unhealthy pattern, it wasn't an excuse not to get better. It can be easy to fall back into the safety net of past trauma so that you don't have to face your problems head on because lets face it, they're painful!

Therapy helped me to take back control, but the work after that was up to me. I'm still doing that every day. Everything that happened to me as a child was traumatic, yes, but it's no longer a defining feature of the person I am now. I needed to implement the tools I had learned in therapy to break the pattern of OCD compulsions, and make the decision not to let old traumas have any hold on my life choices.

Revisiting what I said a little while back, how about writing a list of positive actions you could take today to address the anxiety? Write them down here for accountability.

I’m not saying this to sound stupid but I don’t feel like I can do much to stop the anxiety, while I have physical weird symptoms and strange things going on I’m just a frightened mess.
I am taking my kids to a splash park today though, and hoping I’ll be okay.
I’m nervous, but I’ve made myself eat something. Which is a positive because I’ve been adverse towards food when I feel like this.

[Chlobo]

You have to learn how to cope with your anxiety and that can't happen while you're constantly seeking reassurance on here (or anywhere else)



Excuse number one.. (I've had health anxiety since I was a very small child too)



Do you honestly think you're the only person on here experiencing this?

You don't see behind my scenes either Chloe. (nor do I think you'd want to swap) But I can sit on here (or anywhere) and complain about it or I can get the hell on with it. (I choose the latter)



The ONLY way you will get a grip on your HA is to learn how to challenge those thoughts. I have OCD too and I am now able to control my HA. Yes, having OCD makes it harder to control HA because they are both problems with irrational thinking but it's by no means impossible. (Sorry mate, but you're just using this an another excuse)



Taking medication is part of what needs to happen; it only addresses symptoms of anxiety, not the thinking..

As for Claire Weekes..

Having a book and reading that book, as in, absorbing the information and advice within it, are two different things..



With respect, only you can know what's in your head. It is the case that some people have their reasons for choosing to remain under the grip of HA. That's not me being a cow; it's fact. And none of us on here can know what's what with you; only you can know. If someone had said this to me when I was having my breakdown, I'd have punched them. But I know enough about the mind to understand (and accept) that this does happen; that humans can find comfort even in the shittiest of circumstances, and that sometimes we need to look within ourselves to work out if there's a part of us that is actually gets something from all of this. Someone recently mentioned that maybe it's the 'audience that people have never had' and that's a very valid point. It doesn't mean that we don't have a MH issue. It doesn't mean that we don't have HA; the contrary. It's just that, this teensy weensy part of us clinging to this comfort is preventing us from being able to get better. You get me?



I mean, this is an average day for me (minus the fear bit)



Doesn't work that way Chloe..

There are reasons for the upset tummy..

One, by your own admission - you've increased your meds. Upset stomach/bowels etc is a side effect of many medications. You can expect side effects whenever you start a new drug or up the dosage on an existing one. You have to give your body time to adjust to the change..

Two, you are catastrophising this normal symptom and so you are making the situation worse because anxiety directly affects the digestive system..

I'm literally sick of telling people to deal with the symptom. To listen to what your body is telling you. If you have loose bowel movements, eat food that will firm them up a little and vice-versa. Drink peppermint tea for the nausea and get on with your day!



It's not even remotely bizarre. This is just you not understanding your own body or the stress response. (Go back and read what we've written on eye symptoms and the stress response)



You clearly aren't reading our responses are you?

You've been having these 'visual effects' all your life Chloe. Everybody does. It's just that you are HYPER FOCUSED on what your body is doing and you are literally noticing EVERY symptom and response and misinterpreting them for something serious. (When I wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack, I literally struggle to see. I have all sorts of shit going on but I don't freak out because I know what's happening to me)

You are trawling out the same responses time and time again. For us, it feels like shouting into the wind, as in, pointless. (you're not listening)

And, yes you do want sympathy..



What's this if not looking for sympathy, Chloe? It's also human nature to seek it. But I've also noticed a pattern where you pull this stuff out when people start to suggest that you could be choosing to keep this going...(albeit consciously or sub-consciously)

My sympathy for you with all this is a given but I am talking to you as someone who has suffered just as much as you have in terms of abuse (albeit in different ways) and if you think that your history is the smoking gun as to why you cannot work to control your health anxiety, then I have to speak up here and say otherwise..

What you appear to have been through; what other people have done to you, and what you have done to yourself in the past is something you cannot change, ever. What happens now; this minute; this second - is totally up to you. You can choose to take your past and use it as the excuse to stay as you are, or you can use it to get yourself out of this hole you're in because, lady, if you can come through all of that shit and survive, you have what it takes to go the distance with HA (and win or at least, control the beast)

Bottom line: you feel unwell because you're making this so. Nobody ever felt great when experiencing fight or flight. We're not designed to feel great; we're designed to fight or run (or freeze). You are experiencing the physical symptoms of a psychological problem, nothing more. You need to come to terms with the fact that one day you will die, but that's unlikely to be today, tomorrow, or for years and years.. Your children will grow up and one day you will understand that their childhoods passed you by because your mind was elsewhere. You have no control over death, but you do have control over your life and how you choose to respond to ANY GIVEN SITUATION. I am truly sorry that you've suffered as you have but the bottom line is that you get to choose whether to allow your past to dictate (and ruin) your present and future, or you choose to be motivated because of them. I have no intention of telling my whole story on here, or anywhere. But I use that crap to propel me forwards and every time I win at 'life', I stick it to the people who have hurt me. (And it's my hope that you can do the same..)

Death isn't the problem; living is the problem. Your kids will be fine without you, not that you're going anywhere anytime soon. You know why? Because we as a species are primed for survival, and that's what your body is doing with all these symptoms you're experiencing. You don't understand it so you fear it. You feel threatened so your thoughts are fearful and your brain is responding to this fear by releasing stress hormones - the same hormones which are designed to be burned off by running or fighting. But there is no danger with you; there's no danger to fight or run from, and so you're flooded with adrenalin, cortisol etc which is designed to be burned off.. It's all so simple it should be laughable.. (except that I know how unfunny severe anxiety is)

You, as a mum, have a job to do and at the moment you are failing to do that job to the best of your ability because your mind is elsewhere. You're mothering on auto-pilot and this needs to change. Would you agree? The past? Don't use that as an excuse to stay in this hole. Use it as the reason to get out and show those abusive effers that they didn't break you. On the contrary, you're magnificent! (I know that I am, but it did take me almost 50 years to realise it)

Keep your eyes on the goal; ditch the excuses and do the work.

I'm not interested in what colour your shit looks like or how many times you've taken a dump today. I want to hear about what you are doing to help yourself. I want to see some evidence that you are taking notice of what people say to you on here Chloe..

You have a Claire Weekes book? Great! Read it. Re-read it. Read it some more. Memorise every word. Write things down. This can be your bible from now on. I listen to the audio tapes as well because I like how her Aussie voice sounds. (Also, I couldn't concentrate to read) Claire's like an Aussie Gran; kind but takes no shit. I like Claire Weekes. I listened to those tapes when I had my breakdown and they helped me to get through those hours where I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality and all I could do was to sit in a chair. It's not enough to say to us, 'I have a book'. So what? I have hundreds. It's what you do with the information in that book that matters...

Anyway, sadly, I doubt that anything I've said will make any difference. And that I've probably just wasted two and half hours writing this post, but the hope is, as always, that something I say will click with you..

However, I know that I am enabling you with the reassurance seeking (albeit with good intentions) so my choice from now on is not to do this. You have all the information you need. It's all here on this forum, if not this thread. There is so much really great advice on here and information, and it's all free! People like me have put the time in with the education. I suggest that others follow suit in not enabling you with the reassurance seeking but I also know that this isn't going to happen. And I get it, it's incredibly hard to ignore someone in distress but maybe it will sit a little better when we understand that our responses are helping you to stay in this hole?

Nora your posts are always my lifeline, one reason why I messaged you begging for your help earlier this year. Health anxiety strips away my intelligence, it turns me into this shadow of a person who I don’t want to be

[BlueIris]

That doesn't give you the right to use people, Chloe, and when you're not putting the effort in that becomes what it is.

[Fishmanpa]

Posted by Nora on another perpetual thread but very relevant here as well....

HA doesn't 'cloud' judgement, it obliterates rationality and common sense. It makes dickheads out of the most intelligent of people. It has them crying in front of emergency doctors, parents, children and partners. HA has them shaving off bits of hair to send off to labs for testing (and for extortionate amounts of money for almost no accuracy) and it has them on their hands and knees poking through their own shit. Some desperado's will post piccies of their bits to strangers on forums. (I still haven't gotten over seeing that willy while I was eating my cornflakes) HA has people begging to be sectioned so they can be medicated out of their minds. They use the word, 'but' a lot and also, 'this time'. They profess to 'know' their own bodies when they don't even understand the stress response or how it affects every part of the human body and how it is absolutely responsible for all of the symptoms they are experiencing and they refuse to accept that anxiety can make them feel this shit..

HA will take you to breaking point and then some. It won't stop until you decide to jump back into the drivers seat and take control, and even then it will try to take the wheel back time and time again. The first step is deciding you're going to take control back and wanting this with every ounce of your being. I'm talking you do this no matter what, end of. Disease or no disease. This fear stops here, not you making half-hearted statements to placate those around you. (or us) You have to want to get better and not give yourself no for an answer.

On this forum, you are getting the best advice and information from people who have experienced the very worst of HA and who've got themselves into a better place by working their @rses off. You are a fool to ignore them and an even bigger fool if you think that there is a quick fix to all of this. There isn't. There's only graft and determination for months and years - maybe for the rest of your life - and all I am seeing from you is the determination to remain as you are and to fuel the whole thing with your dramatic narrative where the words almost leap from the screen with a sense of something like satisfaction? I sometimes get the feeling that you would be getting out the party poppers if they ever did diagnose you with a disease, you get me? Maybe I'm reading this all wrong? I don't know. I can only go on what I see, and only you know what's going on in your head, right?

Bottom line: Do the work or stay as you are.

Spot on! I've said as much on this and other perpetual threads and its quite apparent the 'stay as you are' option isn't working out too well

FMP

[WorryRaptor]

I’m not saying this to sound stupid but I don’t feel like I can do much to stop the anxiety

You might feel like you can't, but logically, you know there are steps you could take. This entire thread is quite literally full of them. Feelings are unreliable when anxiety is driving.

I don't think there's a lot more I can say here, and I'm honestly reluctant to, as I don't know if I'm helping or hindering. I would just urge you to listen to the great advice from countless people here, commit to therapy, and put a professionals advice into action.

[pulisa]

That doesn't give you the right to use people, Chloe, and when you're not putting the effort in that becomes what it is.

I agree. Likewise your good friends "in real life". They shouldn't be used as reassurance- seeking devices either.