I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Carys]

What you want in order to feel 'safe' you cannot have. 100% certainty exists ONLY when it comes to death. Death has a 100% success rate. Nobody can ever give you a 100% guarantee with your health but they can give you confidence in their diagnosis. The ONLY way you will get out of this is to face what you fear, then accept your own mortality and allow people like Deborah James to show you how you can live amazingly - even when you are dying.

Bravo again Norah !!!

[Pamplemousse]

Thanks Pample, I looked at that too but it said to keep and eye on my weight which scared me. But I haven't been eating and under so much stress. I'm making sure to eat as best I can now

Sorry to come back to this so late. You're at the lower end of the BMI calculation but by your own admission you've not been eating properly, so I think both you and I know why you're thinner than perhaps you'd like to be. As I mentioned before, when I went into a tailspin thinking I'd got pancreatic cancer a few years ago I lost a lot of weight very quickly.

I (finally) got some of the results of some blood tests I had last week today and like a fool, I Googled the "abnormal" ones. However, the one that was 'scary' - well, I have a history of that one creeping up a little beyond the upper limit from time to time going back nearly twenty years so I have put that one to bed. So for once, I've contextualised it, seen it happens from time to time and thus realised it presents no threat to me. So I am easy with it.

Being able to do this personally has taken some effort (remember, I've had HA for 45 years), and I think you too can do the same.

[Chlobo]

Nobody wants to strangle you mate..



I mean, I can't tell you exactly what this is but I can tell you that it's happened to me for years now. I remember telling my doctor (about 6 years ago) that I couldn't feel myself passing a stool. Because I was very unwell with HA at the time, it freaked me out. I don't even remember the response from the doctor. But I had a colonoscopy a year later and nothing was found. My theory is that it is a mechanical issue due to my years of straining, and it doesn't happen all the time.. I get a fizzing sensation around my bits, and also in my bum cheeks. This can be as simple as the way I'm sitting as I naturally put more weight onto my left side than right but sensations like this are common with the stress response..



You will look like the same person to everybody else. This is simply a distortion of a tired mind, Chloe. You will look scared, because you are. But you're still you.



The majority of people who experience severe anxiety lose weight. The more you worry about weight loss, the more weight you will lose. I lost 2 stone very quickly and I was convinced it was because I had cancer. I didn't have cancer. It was down to constantly stuck in the stress response...



The other (and most plausible) scenario is that there actually isn't anything physically wrong with you, Chloe.

However, I will throw something in here because I knew that something was happening with me other than anxiety. I had symptoms that anxiety couldn't explain and I was eventually diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a very painful condition that's not life threatening but is life-affecting for sure..





My dear girl, this is you coping...



You mean the lovely and inspirational Deborah James?

A few years ago I would have been triggered to shit by her story but not now. Now, all I see is a very brave and courageous woman who is making some very special memories in her remaining days. She's been made a Dame. Prince William dropped by to award this to her. How special is that? What a memory to have and to leave behind. I mean, she is facing death with so much grace that it's breath-taking and this will help other people to cope with their cancer or life-threatening diseases. It will also help people who are not ill at all. You are so consumed with health anxiety and fear that you are unable to see past this to the bigger picture, but one day I think you will see it as I do..



What you want in order to feel 'safe' you cannot have. 100% certainty exists ONLY when it comes to death. Death has a 100% success rate. Nobody can ever give you a 100% guarantee with your health but they can give you confidence in their diagnosis. The ONLY way you will get out of this is to face what you fear, then accept your own mortality and allow people like Deborah James to show you how you can live amazingly - even when you are dying.

Hey Nora,
Thank you for replying.
Yes you got it in one, Deborah James. She’s amazing, brave, there isn’t words to define her and all these other people with that outlook on life. I’m having to hide all the stories, even a photo of her is triggering me and I can’t bare to read much about her.

Everything you’re saying is right, but I can only feel my own consciousness, which makes me feel very alone when it comes to death.

I’ve almost been two weeks on the 60mg of Duloxetine and I’m feeling lightheaded a lot, I’m hoping it’s just the tablets but I haven’t been googling because I don’t want too go down the google hole. I don’t really know if the Duloxetine is actually helping me…
I keep wondering if I have MS, the years of weird symptoms, maybe it’s adding up to that. Did you ever have a brain scan when you were scared of MS Nora? My smear test came back normal, which thank goodness it did as I didn’t want to have to cope with a colposcopy at the moment. It’s the first time it’s been normal in three years.

This has been a year of just hell with health worries, and this one being the worst. I’m hoping the fizzing sensation is as you say similar to what you experienced. It’s just eating me. It actually went away Nora and the last two days it’s back a bit. My bottom is really sore at the moment because I think I have haemorrhoids. I feel absolutely awful in the mornings, my anxiety is horrific. I get the kids to school and I’m just sat rocking at the moment to try and soothe myself, I’ve taken diazepam.

A female doctor I saw, she said that she thought my symptoms were Psycomatic, she said the brain can actually almost disfunction and cause an area or body part to feel ‘weird’ she said she thought the Duloxetine would help me. She said at the hospital there is a specialist department for people who experience these things and they do treatment there for it. I wish I could believe it was, wouldn’t it be nice if there was just a switch we could press to turn off feeling frightened

[Chlobo]

Sorry to come back to this so late. You're at the lower end of the BMI calculation but by your own admission you've not been eating properly, so I think both you and I know why you're thinner than perhaps you'd like to be. As I mentioned before, when I went into a tailspin thinking I'd got pancreatic cancer a few years ago I lost a lot of weight very quickly.

I (finally) got some of the results of some blood tests I had last week today and like a fool, I Googled the "abnormal" ones. However, the one that was 'scary' - well, I have a history of that one creeping up a little beyond the upper limit from time to time going back nearly twenty years so I have put that one to bed. So for once, I've contextualised it, seen it happens from time to time and thus realised it presents no threat to me. So I am easy with it.

Being able to do this personally has taken some effort (remember, I've had HA for 45 years), and I think you too can do the same.

You’re braver than me pample. I can’t handle blood tests right now. I’m just carrying on day by day trying to cope. That’s really good you’re able to put it to bed and carry on. I actually cannot see a portal of results, I denied it because I would drive myself crazy with worry. And yes I would google too. I’m making sure to really eat now, and I hope the weight creeps on a bit

[Pamplemousse]

You’re braver than me pample. I can’t handle blood tests right now. I’m just carrying on day by day trying to cope. That’s really good you’re able to put it to bed and carry on. I actually cannot see a portal of results, I denied it because I would drive myself crazy with worry. And yes I would google too. I’m making sure to really eat now, and I hope the weight creeps on a bit

For weight gain I recommend pizza and laziness, but with four little ones I don't think you'll have the chance of the latter!

I just hope that with the support you get from folk on here and any external help offered that you can work through this, I really do. I'm not brave at all, but I am taking some slight comfort from the fact that I haven't had any messages or letters from my GP practice asking me to arrange a telephone consultation - I'm assuming a GP has read and reviewed my results and has decided that there's nothing of concern in them.

[NoraB]

Yes you got it in one, Deborah James. She’s amazing, brave, there isn’t words to define her and all these other people with that outlook on life. I’m having to hide all the stories, even a photo of her is triggering me and I can’t bare to read much about her.

I understand this. This was me a few years ago. I would have been massively triggered by Deborah's story. But I'm not now.

And my point is that there is no reason why this can't be you too.

Everything you’re saying is right, but I can only feel my own consciousness, which makes me feel very alone when it comes to death.

You feel alone, yet death is something that we will all go through? Death connects every single one of us. People are exiting this world as I type this. And newcomers are entering it. People need to die to make room for them. Sure, it would be great of we all reached our old age and died when we'd had enough but life isn't like that. This isn't Cocoon. There are no guarantees on how long we will live for but we can make better choices that will help us to stay alive longer. That said, shit happens. I've lived for 52 years. If I was a cricketer I'd have been clapped at 50. I'd have raised my bat then carried on with my innings. I might reach my century or I might get bowled out next ball. But right now, in this moment, I'm still in. I'm not out yet, and neither are you.

The reality is that you would most likely be very different if you were given months to live. Because this is what happens to people. They're given the news and while there may be a period of falling apart (understandable) most people come to accept it and they choose to make those last months/years count. That's what my Dad did. That's what my friend did. You are not in this situation, Chloe. Nobody has told you that you are dying. There is no evidence whatsoever. Doctors are telling you that this is a problem with your mind, not your body. You have to find a way to believe them.

I’ve almost been two weeks on the 60mg of Duloxetine and I’m feeling lightheaded a lot, I’m hoping it’s just the tablets but I haven’t been googling because I don’t want too go down the google hole. I don’t really know if the Duloxetine is actually helping me…

It generally takes up to six weeks for your body to settled down to the medication..

I keep wondering if I have MS, the years of weird symptoms, maybe it’s adding up to that. Did you ever have a brain scan when you were scared of MS Nora? My smear test came back normal, which thank goodness it did as I didn’t want to have to cope with a colposcopy at the moment. It’s the first time it’s been normal in three years.

I can't give you a 100% on this, but I am confident that you don't have MS, Chloe.

I had scans on my brain and all three areas of my spine. No MS. But they did find Cervical Spondylosis...(wear and tear)

My bottom is really sore at the moment because I think I have haemorrhoids.

What are you doing to alleviate the symptoms? Cream? Heat? Painkillers?

I feel absolutely awful in the mornings, my anxiety is horrific. I get the kids to school and I’m just sat rocking at the moment to try and soothe myself, I’ve taken diazepam.

You got the kids to school. I couldn't even do that. You're doing better than you think you are..

A female doctor I saw, she said that she thought my symptoms were Psycomatic, she said the brain can actually almost disfunction and cause an area or body part to feel ‘weird’ she said she thought the Duloxetine would help me. She said at the hospital there is a specialist department for people who experience these things and they do treatment there for it.

You understand what psychosomatic means? And as I've explained before, we can think ourselves into physical symptoms. Think nits. The moment those notes come home from school you can dare bet that literally everyone in the house starts itching (psychosomatic). Quite simply, real (and unharmful) symptoms are caused by your thoughts because this triggers the stress response - a very PHYSICAL response.

wouldn’t it be nice if there was just a switch we could press to turn off feeling frightened

There is. It's called the parasympathetic response and you trigger this by breathing properly. Then you work on challenging your thoughts. Then you work on accepting death as the absolute certainty that it is and the potential for illness, but that illness doesn't mean death..

And all of this takes a lot of time & effort, Chloe. The easiest thing is to keep on with the same narrative and keep wishing for somebody to wave a magic wand and this all go away...

[Chlobo]

No I know 😢 I’m just so scared all the time.
I’ve managed to put on two pounds!
But I’ve been feeling rough the last four days and got, my temp is 37.3 and in the other ear was 37.4 and now I’m so scared that I may have sepsis. I’ve felt poorly for a few days

[BlueIris]

Sepsis doesn't involve feeling poorly, it involves actively being at death's door. If you had sepsis you probably wouldn't be well enough to type on a forum.

[WorryRaptor]

Sepsis doesn't involve feeling poorly, it involves actively being at death's door. If you had sepsis you probably wouldn't be well enough to type on a forum.

Yep this. Had sepsis, I was hallucinating, had a sky high fever, and barely had the strength to move my limbs. Chlobo, a temperature doesn't = sepsis. In-ear thermometers usually read a tad higher anyway. Mine is always around 37.3 - 37.5 on them.

[Catkins]

You've probably just got a virus Chlobo. There are a lot of things out there including, but not exclusively Covid.

I currently have Covid (again). In my car I have a full NEWS (scoring for sepsis) kit. It's staying there, I know if I start taking my temperature/checking my blood oxygen levels etc I'll keep on doing it. Hell, when the pandemic started I took my temperature every morning for months.

I know it's hard but try and keep yourself busy and distract yourself.