I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[kyllikki]

Chloe, I am not going to outright reassure you, but I am going to say that the visual perceptive system is WILDLY complex and it might be useful to ask yourself how it is that you're sure what you're noticing is something WRONG and not something RIGHT!

"Oh but I've never noticed my body do that before" -- something which a pregnant person in labor could say, too. Does mean anything is "wrong"
"but it feels bad" -- same

If I turn my head sharply enough in certain angles I can *sometimes* see my own white blood cells zipping around in front of my retina. Freaky! Sometimes unpleasant! But really common, and not deadly. And actually, exactly how that's SUPPOSED to work.

Really, truly, Chole, at this point you're just like the person who was almost beside themselves that there was a big lump sticking out of their neck right where their spine was... it moved when they bent their neck forward... it was larger than the rest of their vertebrae... they were CONVINVED they were dying from a terrible tumor... They went to their doctor, and....

It was their C7, which anyone who has studied even a lick of anatomy knows is the largest of the cervical vertebrae... and SUPPOSED to be that way. Literally, it is used as a radiographic landmark for this reason. Their doctor, bless them, had a quick feel and then stared at them for a good minute before delivering the news in a "good news / bad news" format. The good news was of course that they were an anatomically correct human being. The bad news was, they had crippling health anxiety.

Keep up the anti-anxiety work!! We're rooting for you.

[NoraB]

You're body is in threat mode, you're thoughts are telling you that you are in danger but thoughts are not facts and you are safe ( although you are not feeling safe) your body needs to feel more calm. Have you got space to focus on your breathing for a while until you feel a little calmer?

Is this any different to what ol' Nora has been telling you ON THIS THREAD time and time again?

Kylliikki has given you a blinding (soz) response but it will have gone straight over your head as you will choose to fixate on some life-threatening brain disease that you do not have.

I do have cervical spine issues and I have all sorts of weird symptoms, including not being able to breathe properly at night if I'm lying flat. Yeah, there are nerves in the cervical spine which are connected to the diaphragm, Who know? But I understand these symptoms because I've done my homework. (It's a good job I got a handle on my health anxiety otherwise I would be wandering around the streets shouting at crisp packets about now, you get me?)

With you, I am sure these eye symptoms are nothing more than fight or flight (yes, those words again) because it is a physiological process which affects just about every part of the human body.

During fight or flight, your pupils dilate to allow more light in allowing you to better see that grizzly bear or shifty looking dude in the hoody. In your case, there is NO bear or shifty looking dude. The danger is imaginary. BUT YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND WILL REACT AS IF THERE WAS A BEAR OR SHIFTY DUDE.

Your body is producing a SHIT LOAD of adrenalin which (amongst other things) affects your field of vision decreasing it to focusing in on what's IN FRONT OF YOU. This means that your peripheral (meaning outside the central area of focus) will be affected by blurredness, flicky lights and all sorts of visual disturbances. During actual face-off time with grizzly bears, you wouldn't pick up on this as you'd be too engaged with staying alive, but, as I said, there IS NO ACTUAL DANGER with you, and so you are noticing all of this response in all it's glory. (you're also not burning off any of this adrenalin)

These visual responses NORMALLY lasts as long as the grizzly bear is staring at you (holding the ketchup) and then it subsides and your eyes return to normal. You, however, are CONSTANLY triggering the fight or flight response and so this NORMAL SYMPTOM with fight or flight will also be CONSTANT.

Can you understand any of this, Chloe?

[WorryRaptor]

Your mental health worker is absolutely correct and is echoing what MANY people have told you on this thread. I hope you're taking the advice on board?

On top of that, I've explained how that visual phenomenon actually works, and how it's even incredibly normal in people who aren't even anxious in the first place. Kylliiki gave a really great example too. Add anxiety to the mix and you're amplifying every sensation to the point where you think it's abnormal.

Nora has spent a lot of time explaining how anxiety affects your system, and how stress hormones can do a number on your perception.
You've had a lot of really good, logical and helpful advice from many others here. Some of that help even comes with what should be massive amounts of reassurance. I don't think I've read a more comprehensive source of advice in one thread before, but it seems like none of it is going in.

In fairness, you do acknowledge this, and I know it's a huge struggle to resist the urge to seek reassurance. But you know that it doesn't help you. It's just a drug that's becoming less and less effective every time you take it.

What could you do today that would help to break the pattern? How about making a list in this thread of things you could action, without including anything to do with perceived symptoms. People here want to help

[pulisa]

Is this the problem though? There's no evidence that this form of help makes the slightest difference. So what makes you continue to post on here, Chloe?

[NoraB]

Seeking reassurance, constantly, takes away our ability to manage our anxiety..

We all need some reassurance now and then but when that's all we're doing, there's a big problem (and with numerous causes)

Raptor is right in saying that 'nothing seems to be going in', so the question has to be 'why?'. I 'want' to say that it's because Chloe is so far down that rabbit hole that she can't take anything in (I've been there) but the cynical part in me wonders if there is another reason; one which benefits her in a different way? I saw health anxiety only as a hell that I desperately wanted out of (or to be able to control) and for my family's sake as well as my own. I'm trying not to compare myself to Chloe (or anybody else) but I do struggle to comprehend how anybody would choose to keep this shit going? I don't think that anybody chooses to develop HA, but I know that a minority of people will choose to keep it going because it benefits them in some way. They are addicted to the replies, to the reassuring words and sympathy, and to the attention. And how are we to know what's what from looking at a screen? All we can do is to assume that the people asking for help actually want help and hope that they can find the courage/strength/will to help themselves as there is only so much anybody can do - regardless of how much time and effort we put in..

Raptor is correct in talking about the level of really great advice on this thread (and on the forum in general) and the search option is very useful (and under used) because this is an anxiety forum and people who suffer with anxiety experience the same things, hence there are similar threads about eye symptoms listed at the bottom of this page. Sometimes (or most of the time) it's because we think we're different. Our symptoms may be similar but we have HA and so there has to be a disease causing them, right? And we believe this until proved otherwise by doctors and tests. And then it's onto another imaginary disease.. It's only when you're out of that hole (and cycle of fear and irrationality) that the mist clears and you can start to understand the stress response (which is the sole cause of 99.9% of all threads on here) and the symptoms it creates. The hard part is trying to get people to listen..

Anyway, here endeth the BS for this morning. Brew and poo time.

[Chlobo]

Hi everyone.
Nora, I honestly don’t want sympathy, it’s the reassurance that I feel like I need, I simply can’t reassure myself but that’s what hopefully will come as my medication is upped and I start therapy. I’ve had HA since a child so the behaviours are very much set into my brain. Behind the scenes you guys can’t really see what’s going on, I’m getting up and looking after my four children and trying my best and hardest to get on. Im not posting about what I am doing, I usually post when I’m in a big flap and a panic. But I'm forcing myself to get up and washed, dressed etc. I'm still going out and doing things. Im just constantly stuck in a fear loop. Posting on here is part of my reassurance seeking and ocd, and in time maybe that will stop like it did before when I had periods of less health anxiety. This year I think has been the worst I’ve ever faced in a good few years with my mental health. I’m still actively taking my medication which has now been increased, I’ve ordered a Claire weekes book to read which I have heard is helpful. There are many small ways I am trying. My mum always says to me, you want to be unwell Chloe. And that simply isn’t true, it’s the fear of being unwell and leaving my kids and it consumes me. I’ve had an upset stomach for a few days now and I’m frightened, I wake up feeling sick, and then I have loose stools. I just want the upset tummy to stop and I might be able to relax a little bit. It’s just really bizzare, and especially how it started after the visual effect I had. I know if it carries on I’ll need to see the doctor and the thought of seeing the doctor makes me panic. The first time that visual effect happened I didn’t have loose stools afterwards so maybe it’s unrelated, but I don’t understand why I’m suddenly having an upset tummy. It only happens in the mornings once. And then not again through the day.

[BlueIris]

Seriously, is having the squits first thing in the morning a major problem? I'd say it probably happens to me around twice a week, on average.

I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. You might not be able to see it, but I think that HA and obsessive thoughts of illness are filling a void elsewhere in your life. If you can acknowledge that and work out what it is, you might find yourself able to work on the real problem.

[Chlobo]

Seriously, is having the squits first thing in the morning a major problem? I'd say it probably happens to me around twice a week, on average.

I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. You might not be able to see it, but I think that HA and obsessive thoughts of illness are filling a void elsewhere in your life. If you can acknowledge that and work out what it is, you might find yourself able to work on the real problem.

But it isn’t normal for me blue, and it’s odd. I feel nauseous and yucky till afternoon time. And it’s happening every morning for the past week. I’m hoping it’s nothing but it really worries me.
But I have this terrible anxiety in my stomach.

[Chlobo]

I have no idea what thing void would be. I think just having my children has made my anxiety really bad. But then I’m not sure, maybe I’d be worse if I didn’t have them to focus on

[WorryRaptor]

I have no idea what thing void would be

Did you ever explore this with your therapist?
Sometimes the voids we try to fill are ones we are completely blind to until somebody helps us to see it.

I won't go too much into mine, but my OCD phobias of contamination and rabies actually came from a childhood of not feeling in control of what happened to me no matter how diligent I was. My habit of making silly mistakes (ADHD) would result in disappointment and rage from a parent. That translated to "I have to make sure I never make a tiny mistake that could result in awful consequences" I would never have made that connection without a professional walking me through it.

You are definitely stuck in a loop, Chloe, but you're not helpless to it. You need to find ways to step back from it and see where the problem areas are so that you can start making changes. Like Nora says, anxiety is a hellhole that we all want to crawl out of. If you're staying for reassurance, while acknowledging that it really doesn't help, then what do you actually need from this thread? I'm not saying this to be judgmental, I'm just genuinely curious about what you think you're going to gain from posting your symptoms here when our words don't help.