I don't believe that. It's just another excuse and suggests complete helplessness. You've actually got professional help now. Why not take advantage of it?Originally Posted by Chlobo
Senior Member
I don't believe that. It's just another excuse and suggests complete helplessness. You've actually got professional help now. Why not take advantage of it?
Advanced Member
One thing I always think about is how my fears and worries aren’t ridiculous. If I was afraid of an alien landing in the front garden maybe, but illness is very real and can happen to anyone.
That’s why I struggle to be ‘rational’ because it COULD happen. So it’s a hard battle with your mind to try and tell yourself it’s okay.
I’m sat here panicking because I’ve had upset stomach again this morning, I feel weird. And it’s been ever since that eye thing happened. I’m so sick of feeling like this. I feel in total avoidance mode with doctors since I went to A&E and had my MRI. I just can’t cope at the moment with tests. Even having my blood pressure taken I couldn’t handle just in case it was sky high. When does this end?? Fact is it doesn’t. I’m battling on everyday but I’m not winning the war here.
Advanced Member
I’ve been speaking to my support worker a lot. Messaging her and she’s been calling me. I’m not sure if it really helps. I just ask her for reassurance, same as everyone else
Advanced Member
No they shouldn’t. In all honesty my friends don’t really reassure me anymore.
Senior Member
HA does more than to strip away intelligence. I needed that time out Chloe because I was struggling with anxiety and my physical health. I came off all forms of social media because that's what I needed to do to help myself. And you knew I was taking time out. However, I saw your message via e-mail notification, and I can't ignore someone who asks me for help. To ignore your message would have caused me more anxiety so you were always going to get a response.
You thought only about what you needed. And that's something else that HA does; we become self-absorbed and behave selfishly.
A lifeline is only as good as the person who wants to be rescued, Chloe. I've used this analogy time and time again, but you are surrounded by lifelines - none of which you have chosen to grab onto.
You're in the water. There are people throwing you the lifelines urging you to grab on, but you appear to have no intention of doing so. Eventually this starts to look like you just want the audience.
In contrast, I was desperately trying to grab onto anything that could possibly help me and sticking with this analogy - I'd have grabbed onto a floating twig, a manky old oil drum. I'd have held onto a rotting carcass if I'd have thought it would have got me to a better place!
The reality is that some people don't want to be rescued, it becomes about the drama/comfort/whatever for them. Only the individual truly knows what's in their heads. We can only go on what people write on here. And I'm not trying to say that people choose this from the onset, because I don't believe that. But I do think that HA (as awful and shitty as it is) has the potential to give as well as take.
If you truly don't want to be this person, then you must put the work in and stop using us and this forum as a way to feed your HA. Use NMP in a way that will help you get better, not fuel your HA. Use the search option. Go back through the posts on this thread. Engage with therapy. See yourself as the person you want to be and grab onto those lifelines when they come your way. Sooner or later, people get wise to what's happening, and they start to walk away. True enough, there will always be new people who you can manipulate but I would ask you to bear in mind that almost every member on this forum is here because we have our own struggles but are still willing to help others. We, as individuals, can say that we're not going to enable your behaviour anymore but, as I said, others will take our places. This is the nature of forums. You, and only you, can change this path you're on. Nothing that I say (or anybody else) will make one iota of difference to you unless you are prepared to do the work and help yourself. This 'shadow of a person'? You've created her Chloe. Not your family or partner. YOU. And just as you have created her, you can choose to create a different version of yourself - one that brings you happiness.
If you truly don't want to be this 'shadow' of yourself, then you must do the work. No time limits. No excuses.
If well wishes and the effort of strangers (alone) made people better, you'd have stuck the V's up to HA years ago. You'd be enjoying life and be present with your kids, experiencing life with them instead of being on autopilot. But the reality is that we can't make you better. Nor can doctors or therapists unless you do the work and genuinely want to get better.
I choose to stop here. There's nothing more I can say to you that hasn't been said numerous times. It's all here if you take the time to search for it. I will try (very hard) not to enable your reassurance seeking behaviour because that's not helping you and all I ever want to do on here is help people control their health anxiety like I was able to control mine. I can only tell you how I did that and the effort I had to put in. It's up to you what you do with the information...
A thought is harmless unless we believe it.
Intermediate Member
Yes, this exactly.A lifeline is only as good as the person who wants to be rescued, Chloe. I've used this analogy time and time again, but you are surrounded by lifelines - none of which you have chosen to grab onto.
Most peoples fears are seated in some reality. Even my most far fetched ones COULD happen. Your fears are no stronger than everyone else's here. The people who are sharing advice on what to do, are the people who have been where you are. You need to get out of the "but mines different" mindset and start applying practical solutions. Like it's been said a thousand times here already, that's a YOU decision. You have to make the choice to face the anxiety for what it is, and help yourself. If you keep brushing it aside, it really does look like you're only thriving on the attention, bolstered by bumps of reassurance. I don't want to assume that's what you're doing, but it really comes across that way.One thing I always think about is how my fears and worries aren’t ridiculous. If I was afraid of an alien landing in the front garden maybe, but illness is very real and can happen to anyone.
That’s why I struggle to be ‘rational’ because it COULD happen. So it’s a hard battle with your mind to try and tell yourself it’s okay.
Like Nora said, there's a wealth of resources in this thread, all contributed to help YOU. If this was my thread, I'd be in tears of gratitude that people had taken their precious time to help me to such an extent.
I truly hope you can conquer this Chloe.
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” - Albert Einstein
Senior Member
This thread has the biggest weath of advice I've seen on any thread in NMP. 122 pages that could trigger a change to your thinking if you truly internalise it and make a change - YOU have to want to make that change though and I don't see any evidence yet that you want to/are willing to. I don't know why you don't want to - or don't try to - and seem to not really understand what is being said. I do think you 'understand' it on a superficial reading level, but you just won't commit to it and take the real tough action. Its like someone reading a really good 'how to stop smoking book' and saying it didn't work for them, when actually they didn't really engage with the messages - just read the words and went immediately back to their habitual thought processes. This isn't just you, but a common theme amongst those who are serial long-term posters for many many years - for some reason, some people seem to choose to stay in the awful position they are in.
ALL HA comes from fear of illness and dying - you aren't different, you are like everyone else with this faulty thought pattern. Somewhere on these pages, and goodness knows where as the thread is so long, there was advice on acceptance of eventual death as one of the key parts of dealing with the continual fear.
Advanced Member
We are saying accept the fear, but the fear is so strong it’s overpowering. My body and mind wants to fight it and stop it. So I’m always in fight mode to try and push it away.
I think a lot of my fear stems from ptsd from my brother, and the memories of that can’t ever be erased. Who here would just accept if something scary happens to them?
Like my support worker says to do breathing exercises, but how can that possibly work to get through someone thinking that their dying from an awful illness all the time. I know we are saying acceptance is the key but there is only so much I can say I’ll accept, my body reacts to everything.
I had an awful day yesterday with my 5 year old, she’s being assessed for ADHD and she definitely has something going on. I gather all my strength to take them out and it was a disaster. I came home in tears and I had a panic attack. All of today and yesterday my arm feels weak and heavy, so now I’m back to freaking out and I’m scared and stressed. frightened it’s gonna get worse or suddenly go floppy. I can’t imagine ever getting past this. It’s too large in my mind. I feel like all I can do is live the best I can and try and get through each day.
Advanced Member
But if you guys now won’t respond to me that’s another path exhausted that alleviated some of the anxiety for me
Senior Member
Don't emotionally blackmail us Chlobo.
Do you think you are the first person in the world to ever be this bad ? To have the problems you have ? Do you think those of us here replying don't recognise and haven't experienced the 'overpowering' strength of anxiety ? WE HAVE. It is SO HARD to find the effort and fight, but thats what is needed. All of the advice here, on your threads for years, if followed, would have helped - but you keep 'giving in' to the Hanxiety.
Last edited by Carys; 16-08-22 at 13:58.
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