I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Chlobo]

No.



Yes.

How is your CBT work going and trying to do something about your HA ? (from what you are writing here, I don't see you making any changes)

The CBT isn't going well.
I had my video call yesterday, she rushed through everything in the module, didn't even ask me what I had written down in the homework.
The entire 45 mins is her talking and me either agreeing or listening to her read what I can see in front of me.
I didn't even get a chance to tell her about the weekend and the self testing issue.
She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.

Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'

[Chlobo]

Yes

As somebody who has genuine clinical loss of sensation, I can tell you it isn't something you have to self test on or to double check. There's a very distinct pattern that a doctor would recognise, and it comes with all kinds of other issues.

What you're describing sounds very much like anxiety. Your digestive system, muscles and nerves are all feeling the effects of the huge dose of stress hormones going through your body while you worry and panic. This can cause so many strange feelings, especially in err...vulnerable areas! You're spending so much time in mental fight or flight mode, your body doesn't know how to feel. Your system is going to be sending all kinds of panic signals around which will feed into you feeling worse and worse sensations. Remember that the brain is a very powerful thing.

You really need to start addressing the anxiety, as no amount of reassurance here will help you. We are not doctors, and we are not mental health professionals either. For the most part, we are people who have dealt with or are dealing with anxiety in some capacity and can see when it's overwhelming somebody. You CAN get through this though.

Why don't you make yourself a promise? Tell yourself that starting now, you will commit to the CBT, therapy and anything else that you're doing to address the HA. Instead of posting your fears and any new symptoms here, use the thread to post positive updates about your progress instead. Even tiny improvements count, and bad days don't negate those. Make sure you try to keep a record of the good changes. We all want you to succeed, and I believe you can do this.

Thank you worry, you do explain things well. Fingers crossed it's that and I'm not dying.
Have you received any news from your MRI yet?
My friend has had one recently and it's almost been two weeks and she's heard nothing yet.

I try to make promises to myself but then I panic and I end up coming on here to try and release some of that horrible feeling.
Like this morning I usually poop in the a.m, well this morning I had the slightest urge so I left it, now it's totally gone and it's midday nearly and nothing?? This makes me panic, and. I'm not always very good at letting my emotions not overcome me

[Carys]

She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.

Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'

Thats all good advice actually, and you should follow it.

[BlueIris]

Agreed, this is stuff that really helped me back in the day.

[kyllikki]

Fingers crossed it's that and I'm not dying.

Here is the real root of your problem: You think you need "fingers crossed" because something MUST be actively killing you right this very moment...

If it's not brain cancer then it's breast cancer
If it's not breast cancer then it's brain cancer again
If it's not brain cancer then it's a numb butt
If it's not a numb butt then it's...

See the pattern? The problem here is your fundamental addiction to the belief that you simply MUST be fatally ill at the moment.

The issue is, your belief doesn't have ANY rational basis. It's equivalent to standing in your living room on an average weather day and saying "a cyclone is coming to destroy my house at any moment, I just KNOW it!"

Please tell your MH person you feel this way! Open the phone call with the words "I am convinced I am dying of something" if she won't let you get a word in edgewise any time else. Make her hear you. You owe it to yourself!

[pulisa]

The CBT isn't going well.
I had my video call yesterday, she rushed through everything in the module, didn't even ask me what I had written down in the homework.
The entire 45 mins is her talking and me either agreeing or listening to her read what I can see in front of me.
I didn't even get a chance to tell her about the weekend and the self testing issue.
She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.

Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'

Do you feel that your CBT didn't go well because you were not encouraged to talk about your symptoms? Do you see why your therapist prevented you from symptom talk and did this annoy you?

[Chlobo]

Here is the real root of your problem: You think you need "fingers crossed" because something MUST be actively killing you right this very moment...

If it's not brain cancer then it's breast cancer
If it's not breast cancer then it's brain cancer again
If it's not brain cancer then it's a numb butt
If it's not a numb butt then it's...

See the pattern? The problem here is your fundamental addiction to the belief that you simply MUST be fatally ill at the moment.

The issue is, your belief doesn't have ANY rational basis. It's equivalent to standing in your living room on an average weather day and saying "a cyclone is coming to destroy my house at any moment, I just KNOW it!"

Please tell your MH person you feel this way! Open the phone call with the words "I am convinced I am dying of something" if she won't let you get a word in edgewise any time else. Make her hear you. You owe it to yourself!

Yeah I get that, and all of what you're saying. I do jump from one issue to another and then I eventually find one I fixate on.
I just find I experience such weird things.
Like today I've been able to hold my poo all day, until now where I have gone up because I could feel some pressure. I've gone to the toilet and had some slight constipation but it was a large poop. I surely shouldn't of been able to hold that all day without feeling desperate 😖
I'm scared something is damaged in my spine and I've bloody googled it which has now made me worry more as I saw this:

Search Results
Featured snippet from the web
Damaged nerves disrupt your rectum's ability to store and get rid of waste. Because of disrupted signals between the colon and the brain, you may not feel the urge to have a BM. This often causes constipation and BM accidents. Reflex bowel problems may cause a sudden, unplanned BM when the rectum is full.

[Chlobo]

It's just one scary symptom after another, and this is something I've never experienced before.
I told my mum about it and she said 'oh I wouldn't worry about that' but she fobs everything off as nothing. I'm really struggling. Having awful thoughts of having spinal scans and cancer treatment and being told I'm dying.

[Carys]

It's just one scary symptom after another

These are NOT SYMPTOMS. Neither are they scary. This is you fixating and imagining.

Search Results
Featured snippet from the web
Damaged nerves disrupt your rectum's ability to store and get rid of waste. Because of disrupted signals between the colon and the brain, you may not feel the urge to have a BM. This often causes constipation and BM accidents. Reflex bowel problems may cause a sudden, unplanned BM when the rectum is full.

If only you spent as much time on the CBT as carrying on reenforcing your HA. You still show no sign of being committed to being well.

'oh I wouldn't worry about that' but she fobs everything off as nothing.

Sounds like she has a totally healthy approach.

Having awful thoughts of having spinal scans and cancer treatment and being told I'm dying.

I've lost track now of the terminal illnesses in the last 4 weeks - so its definitely spinal cancer now ?

[Chlobo]

These are NOT SYMPTOMS. Neither are they scary. This is you fixating and imagining.



If only you spent as much time on the CBT as carrying on reenforcing your HA. You still show no sign of being committed to being well.



Sounds like she has a totally healthy approach.



I've lost track now of the terminal illnesses in the last 4 weeks - so its definitely spinal cancer now ?

Would I know for sure if I had a spinal tumour?
Would it mean I'd get this feeling?

I know I'm asking for reassurance I'm just panicking.
Do you think what I've just said in my above post is okay?
I know I'm annoying and you all roll
Your eyes at me but this is beating me right now and I'm scared.