I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[kyllikki]

Hi -- I don't know your background (it sounds like you've had a long thread of other HA fears, maybe triggered by family/social medical experiences?) but I want to emphasize that even if you're doing the HA dance for the fifteenth billion time, that says nothing about your character and worth as a person.

It's ok that you haven't beat this.

Battling HA is hard, and not always linear - two steps forward, one step back is the phrase people usually use, but it may be even more of a "crawl, then walk, then fall, then crawl again" type situation. Don't beat yourself up if you're not running marathons around your HA.

I think your last post above is a grand plan. Maybe write it out and tape it to a few mirrors?

And if you are starting therapy (which I think we should acknowledge can be incredibly intimidating) I suggest being brutally honest with whoever you see. Unload all your HA worries as fast as possible and let them sort through it with you. The best way out is through -- but you need to find what that means for you.
Best of luck.

[Chlobo]

Hi -- I don't know your background (it sounds like you've had a long thread of other HA fears, maybe triggered by family/social medical experiences?) but I want to emphasize that even if you're doing the HA dance for the fifteenth billion time, that says nothing about your character and worth as a person.

It's ok that you haven't beat this.

Battling HA is hard, and not always linear - two steps forward, one step back is the phrase people usually use, but it may be even more of a "crawl, then walk, then fall, then crawl again" type situation. Don't beat yourself up if you're not running marathons around your HA.

I think your last post above is a grand plan. Maybe write it out and tape it to a few mirrors?

And if you are starting therapy (which I think we should acknowledge can be incredibly intimidating) I suggest being brutally honest with whoever you see. Unload all your HA worries as fast as possible and let them sort through it with you. The best way out is through -- but you need to find what that means for you.
Best of luck.

Thank you Ky, I think my health anxiety hasn't been this bad for a few years, it's definitely hitting me really hard again the last two.
It feels like a lot of steps back right now, everything seems to trigger me, I'm struggling to follow the list of rules I even set myself yesterday.
Thank you for your kind words though, they are appreciated

[Chlobo]

I'm struggling with the kids so much this weekend, they're so loud, I have such bad noise aversion when I'm anxious.
I'm gutted this is happening again, it hasn't even been barely two weeks since I spent £200 on a breast appointment and now this.

[Carys]

You write so passively - as if 'something is happening to you' that you can't control.

[pulisa]

I'm struggling with the kids so much this weekend, they're so loud, I have such bad noise aversion when I'm anxious.
I'm gutted this is happening again, it hasn't even been barely two weeks since I spent £200 on a breast appointment and now this.

As carys says, you CAN limit how "this" affects you and you CAN have words with yourself regarding how a friend's health issues have triggered you into compulsive self-checking again.

How did your friend get on yesterday? You don't mention how she is.

[Cptdebbie]

Oh Chlobo, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you are struggling so much.

I have an awesome therapist that I see regularly, but I still fall down over and over. It gets very discouraging. I have had some periods of peace over the last while though. And, for the first time, I have a hope that I will one day have mostly peace in my life. I know this will only happen with continued therapy and lots of hard work on my part.

Part of what I have had to gain peace with is that I will die. Sometime, and in some way, I am going to die. All the checking in the world isn’t going to change that. I know you have little ones and that makes the possibility of death super stressful. However, no amount of checking or reassurance from doctors is going to change the reality of life. Nothing and no one can promise you that you won’t die.

My religious beliefs have helped me gain peace with the reality of death. I also am trying to make the most of every moment I am alive instead of dwelling on negative possibilities.

This has been a really hard journey for me and just this last week I have fallen backwards and let health anxiety take over my life again. I am now trying to get back on track.

All this is to encourage you to get counseling. And, don’t be afraid to change counselors if you don’t feel like you’re improving. The road will be hard, but you and your children will be better for it.

Hugs,
Debbie

[Chlobo]

As carys says, you CAN limit how "this" affects you and you CAN have words with yourself regarding how a friend's health issues have triggered you into compulsive self-checking again.

How did your friend get on yesterday? You don't mention how she is.

She is still waiting for this phone call for an appointment. I wish it would just hurry up. It's been almost a week now since she got this news and she's heard nothing yet.

[Chlobo]

Oh Chlobo, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you are struggling so much.

I have an awesome therapist that I see regularly, but I still fall down over and over. It gets very discouraging. I have had some periods of peace over the last while though. And, for the first time, I have a hope that I will one day have mostly peace in my life. I know this will only happen with continued therapy and lots of hard work on my part.

Part of what I have had to gain peace with is that I will die. Sometime, and in some way, I am going to die. All the checking in the world isn’t going to change that. I know you have little ones and that makes the possibility of death super stressful. However, no amount of checking or reassurance from doctors is going to change the reality of life. Nothing and no one can promise you that you won’t die.

My religious beliefs have helped me gain peace with the reality of death. I also am trying to make the most of every moment I am alive instead of dwelling on negative possibilities.

This has been a really hard journey for me and just this last week I have fallen backwards and let health anxiety take over my life again. I am now trying to get back on track.

All this is to encourage you to get counseling. And, don’t be afraid to change counselors if you don’t feel like you’re improving. The road will be hard, but you and your children will be better for it.

Hugs,
Debbie

Thanks Debbie, and yes this is what I struggle with deep down, the fear of death. Urgh I just wish I hadn't been born most days, I don't want to experience this, any of this.
I just don't feel safe, there is no feeling of safety in my life at all, I just feel on the edge of a cliff all of the time. I love my kids more than anything but I feel like a failure in so many ways.

[Chlobo]

I'm trying not to check. I just wish my pupils were the same size in dimmer light. Always seems to be at night time it happens.
And I've had it before and I saw the optician and he said it's okay and I totally forgot it and then bam, as soon as my friend has this issue with her eyes suddenly my eyes are on fire.
My brother said book an eye appointment but I can't, I just can't. The fear is excruciating, if they were to tell me something awful.

[Fishmanpa]

Helenhoo?

FMP