Chlobo, you have put a
COLOSSAL amount of energy and time into chasing imaginary diseases, seeing doctors, Googling symptoms, and posting on here looking for constant reassurance, and if you can do all
that, then you can put some of that energy & time into therapy.Re the Diazepam..
Don't get me wrong, medication has it's place with HA but only to lower
severe anxiety levels sufficiently in order to be able to engage with the therapy. Pills deal with
symptoms, not the psychological reason you are in this state. You're struggling because you fear dying and leaving your children, right? No pill can sort that out for you. Only learning to challenge your thoughts and changing your perception of death & dying can do that and that's what you should be getting with therapy. But
any therapy is only as good as what
you are prepared to put into it. You will be given the tools; it's up to
you whether you use them or not.
I still have HA thoughts. Controlling HA isn't about
never having those fearful thoughts- it's about how we respond when they come.
You, lovely lady,are reacting with fear and panic to your thoughts because you haven't yet learned how to observe them and
then decide whether or not you need to respond to them. Anxious people get ill too. The human body is awesome but it occasionally needs some help and what a great time to be alive in when it comes to medicine? Example: My brother almost died a few months ago. He had organ failure. He was unconscious for four days, ventilated, tubed up, bagged up. The works. Dude's just come back off his holidays and he's still here giving his baby sister shit -
that's how bloody amazing the human body (and the NHS) is. So even when the crap does hit the fan, it
doesn't have to be the end of the world. With HA, it's
always the end of the world, even when it's a spot on our arse..
This is about finding the balance between reacting to a thought re a symptom with enough anxiety in order to call the doctor or to allow the thought to pass because it is
irrational.
Example: I had a bleed from my bum last year. I saw the blood and I didn't freak out as I would have historically done. I decided that because it was
new for me, it warranted a trip to the doctor. I made the call. I went for my appointment. My doctor snapped on the rubber gloves and had a good root around my bot-bot. Prior to the appointment, I didn't Google. I didn't contort myself into ridiculous positions in the bathroom with a mirror. I didn't allow myself to go with the worst case scenario HA thought because how many times have I done that in my life? Trillions!
I really should write a book on my epically long history of health anxiety..
Chapter 200 - The time I shouted 'THERE IS SOMETHING STUCK IN MY SODDING ARSE' at my husband and he was on the phone to the GP (AWKS)
Chapter 456 - The time when I thought my bowels had prolapsed and it turned out to be a bit of poo.
Chapter 987 - The one where I put my colonoscopy paper pants on the wrong way around.
Chapter 1098 - The one where I had a panic attack because I hadn't farted for over an hour.
Chapter 9876 - The one where my eyesight was blurred and I thought I had a brain tumour. (I was wearing the wrong glasses)
I could make a fortune?
Anyhoo, the blood was due to a fissure which healed itself after a few months. I was even able to trace it back to an exceptionally tricky poo I'd had.
I did not go down that rabbit hole because I put into practice everything I'd learned in CBT. Yes, there's
some anxiety when a strange symptom crops up but that's actually normal. 'Some' anxiety spurs us to make the call. No anxiety is dangerous. We would all kill ourselves pretty darn quickly without the ability to feel anxiety! Then there is the anxiety which comes with HA where we can literally
think ourselves into a state of terror and fear when there is
nothing physically wrong with us.
That's where you are now..
I wish you all the luck in the world with the therapy lovely. But it's really not
luck you need...
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Originally Posted by BlueIris
